Stumbling Through Life

Finding the most difficult path since 1974

Archive for the tag “friends”

Tuesday Randomness

Last week was a blur and not in a good way, I got the crud which turned into an almost week long nap. Good times. . . today was the first day I woke up and didn’t feel like I was in a tunnel. Improvement! But let’s get to it people, maybe I can scrounge a few random thoughts together. . . at least I hope I can because my poor brain took a beating from being sick.

  • I was completely set, excited and ready to cheer on the Fighting Irish in Chandler’s memory last week but he must have known I would take the game way too seriously since I passed out after Bama scored their second TD.
  • I know Chandler was enjoying the game from probably the best seats, with his dad, up in heaven and wouldn’t care who won.
  • Being couped up in the house for the majority of the week wasn’t really all that fun and even more frustrating was the fact that I needed a nap after a round trip to the kitchen to get a drink.
  • Before the sickness, I had a Saturday out with my BFF Stace, a lot of fun browsing through stores, chatting and one minor moment where we both agreed that I might have had a wee bit of bitterness shining through my Year in Review post. . .
  • But even after debating it in my head, I stand by that post and those raw emotions that I did feel when I went through some of it
  • I also learned that Bubba blocked me on FB (oh! the horror! the horror! um, when did this happen?) the other week and I can only assume it had to do with very old photos, paranoia and a relative of his
  • As I said to my mom when she questioned why I posted many years ago photos of the two of us on FB, “he was a huge chunk of my life, especially during college and if I were to edit that history out of my life, a very large part of seven and a half years would be missing”
  • In the end, once I figured out that all of this went down (I am slow on the up take) I deleted those pictures because I was pissed, apparently even having memories of my past must mean something! (said with sarcasm)
  • And while I am on it, if I have to erase every memory, picture, story, thought and/or emotion I have felt in the past because (insert whichever guy’s name) might get upset for me thinking, remembering, writing or anything else under the sun than hell, I could only talk about grade school and even then it might be questionable because there was the little red headed boy I went with in 4th grade, Billy Bob who I have known since we were little who I went with in 5th I believe and let us not forget my very first ever kiss way back when I was a little kid and the neighbor boy gave me a quick peck on the lips!
  • Those are my memories to share as I see fit and those who aren’t even remotely innocent will always be protected by me (even if they don’t deserve it because I can be a doormat, way too nice. . . ) but damn, if you have an issue or you happen to be paranoid about something I post using words actually are more helpful than sticking your head in the sand.
  • It never pays for me to be sick, stuck in the house and way too much time on my hands. . .
  • I did get a nice surprise last week. . .there was this hat I found at Target while visiting my parents, I never saw it here though. While my parents made fun of me and the ridiculousness of the hat, I have to say, it kept me quite warm today thankyouverymuch!
  • Meet Fluffy. . .

fluffy1 fluffy2

  • Wook is having a few issues with Fluffy. Lined in pink, little pockets to stick your hands at the end of the scarf part, ears on top equates to being warm when it is cold and rainy outside. I love it and it only adds to my goofiness, so it works.
  • I have a thing for hats
  • I am now currently waiting for some snow and at this point I would even take a bit of ice just to make all this rain worth it
  • Instead I may end up crafting a boat
  • I gained four pounds during the holidays, must get back on wagon. . .

With that, I will take my cranky pants to bed and try not to imitate Waldorf and Stadler at least for a few weeks. . .

2012: A Year in Review

There were some great things that happened in 2012 and like most people, some shitty things happened as well. I am guilty of diving deep into the crap and allowing it to rule my life. I think that is a natural reaction to life. But I have also been able to step back, acknowledge the bad but still be thankful for what I do have in my life. I haven’t gotten all Pollyanna on you, trust me.

The good? Well, I ended up spending a few days with the Queen in Atlanta leading up to my birthday. Good food, great times with the Queen, IKEA! and a guy even hitting on me in IKEA! I followed that little trip up with a weekend in Nashville. Again, great food, friends and some quality time at Green Hills Mall.

I was a bit delusional when it came to the boy, thinking that our little road trip to DC might put things back on track in February. I also dealt with guilt for not reaching out to Chandler after a conversation with his sister. The shoulda, woulda, couldas have come in waves throughout the year and I have to hope within my heart of hearts that Chandler did know that he was always on my mind. Chandler gave me one final gift when he passed, he opened my eyes to see the boy for who he truly is and that helped me close the door for good on that mistake. Thank you Chandler for pointing out what everyone else could see.

Saying goodbye to Chandler at the end of February was probably the hardest thing I have had to do. For a time I didn’t want to be around happy people, going to the mall pissed me off and the idea of having to even be somewhat social seemed more like torture. I held close the memories we had created together but also knew it was time for me to really focus on getting back home, getting in shape and finding me again.

Apparently in March I tried to find some humor and offered up my embarrassing Spanx story, shared with you my weight (I had already shared my big girl jeans vs. my skinny jeans with you the previous fall) and the time I fell on my tush while working out with my trainer. I also sprinkled in random thoughts throughout the year with Tuesday Randomness. While these may seem a bit boring or um, redundant, it has forced me to write something, anything every week (although I have missed a few. . .).

April reminded me just how great I have it in terms of friends, I spent a weekend at the Queen’s house, met up with a bunch of mother hens for drinks, caught up with an old friend and really thought long and hard about an opportunity in Raleigh. I also got to deal with an allergic reaction to who knows what to my skin. The itching was out of control and the only thing the doctor could come up with was I happened to be allergic to something blowing in the wind. Yes folks, for the price of a copay or two, I learned that my skin was sensitive. Sadly, I have known that since I was a little kid.

I continued to workout with my trainer in May, offered up an explanation as to why I suck at dating and admitted that I was a dork. I also decided after reading an article that I really needed to make a statement and just go ahead and marry myself. If everyone else gets celebrated for every milestone under the sun, why should I let the inability to get a guy to commit to me make me miss out on those milestones? I ended up not going through with it but I will keep it in the back of my head.

June brought hot weather and my impatience at finding anything in Nashville career-wise. I was unhappy with my job, location and lot in life. I did manage to sucker Stace into going to the Def Leppard concert at the beginning of July and lucked into two job interviews while I was in town. I headed to The Trousdale School’s annual musical grinning ear to ear with what was coming up the following week; a concert, two interviews and spending time with friends.

I was a mess after my second interview, kind of feeling like I do most times I go on a date; thinking it went well but never hearing from them ever again. Then I did the phone interview with the recruiter. . .oh July you could have gone either way but on the 13th (my lucky number) I was offered the job and was planning my move back home, to Nashville in under two weeks. I dealt with packing, roped Bird into packing my kitchen, mom helped tons and dad made sure the chair didn’t move while they were there. Wook looked at me like I had lost my mind but agreed to deal with the car ride and chaos a move brings. I started my new job, met my new coworkers and instantly knew I was going to like it here.

I challenged myself to appreciate all the move brought to me, going out with friends, working on myself and doing my very best at my job. A text to Allan one evening led to me meeting John Corbitt and breaking the unspoken rule in Nashville: don’t bother the famous people. Thankfully he was really nice and Allan is probably still shouting he doesn’t know that guy. I also got to warm up in terms of watching football. Oh dear, if the football season could be year round I would be a happy girl.

September came and went in a blur, a lot of football, a lot of time hanging out with the guys and random sightings of the boy as I would head home from work. I was counting down until MTSU’s homecoming, ended up seeing some great guys I hadn’t seen since college and remembering the campus as if I had just left it the day before. Millions of texts to and from Allan seemed to be the norm and I admitted to two friends that I might just have a crush on him. Allan had also voiced his dislike of his first blog name and for the first time in history, I changed someone’s name. That should have been my sign.

I realized I must be bad luck for my beloved Steelers after witnessing first hand the loss to the Titans, one of the worst teams in the league. One of the crudest lines I have ever uttered was finally yelled back at me courtesy of Allan. Text messages flew in after the game and the next day from friends teasing me about the loss. Yeah, I know and we shouldn’t have lost. A fateful weekend spent with Allan caused us to cross the line in our friendship. I was thrilled, very happy and couldn’t believe my luck. I was back home, I had a great job and somehow ended up with a guy whom I considered to be in the best friend circle as something more. All of the sudden, tons of plans were made for parties, trips, football and everything else under the sun.

Then high school drama happened, I saw a side of my friend that I didn’t realize was there and a girl pulled a very childish stunt in order to get her way. I fought for him and then realized that he was in my shoes from years ago with Bubba. I offered him one last piece of advice, do not ever ask me why I stayed with Bubba for so long when everyone knew it was bad. Pot meet kettle. Square peg in round hole still won’t fit. Roller coaster, high school drama still doesn’t make a relationship. And finally, my favorite thought, people change and sometimes it isn’t for the better. Oh and always, always question someone who tries to lay blame on others for their mistakes.

The rest of October was hard, I was in a complete and total funk. I was also very angry at myself for letting someone in when I know how it always ends for me. I refocused on my weight, working out and eating habits. I managed to get into a pair of size ten jeans. I also somehow managed to take the higher road when Allan stated on Facebook he was now in a relationship. I am not a saint, I have said some really not so kind things about the whole situation and I won’t even get into what has gone on in my head. Yes, I was a bit on the bitter side but I still want to know why the one who follows the rules, is nice, responsible and well. . . ends up with the short end of the stick.

November rushed in and I had to get my place in order for my parents’ visit during Thanksgiving. As I have admitted to them, I did prepare myself for a last minute cancellation but that didn’t happen and we had a great time. I ended up with an early Christmas present (a HUGE tv), they got to meet my BFF Stace’s little boy E, Rach’s kids and husband and I think I drug mom around a good portion of Davidson and Williamson counties on Black Friday. It was also the month that dad got an iPhone. I think I have converted him. . . at least I hope so!

I realized in December why I have had such a hard time getting everything Christmas up and out. I haven’t held my dinner party since 2008, which means that I haven’t had a deadline to deal with the tree. I got the tree up this year and some decorations out but waited until the last minute to make the peanut butter chocolate balls for Bird. I watched a ton of Christmas movies, continued my weight loss, watched way too much football, brought bad luck to the Titans when I went to the game at the beginning of the month and watched Mr. E on several occasions.

I also had to say goodbye to my stinky boyfriend, Shadow. I felt horrible for Stace and her husband as well as felt beyond helpless. I have always been proud of the fact that I can handle most anything life hands me (even if I cry or shut down at some point, I have managed to deal with it) but Shadow’s passing shined a light on a weakness about myself.

I headed to my hometown to spend Christmas with the parents and Bird. Her girls still aren’t 100% happy for my move but I am hopeful that when they are older, they will understand. It turned out to be a low key visit, which I enjoyed. I also probably sent mom over the edge introducing beef tenderloin as a great holiday meal since dad is now convinced they should have it monthly. I have also given the gift of Starbucks addiction to dad. At least the barista at his local place doesn’t know his name and order. . . I don’t have to utter a word now if I don’t feel like it.

I also got to visit with Chandler’s mom and sisters while I was there. While the tears do not come as often or quickly, as soon as I see them I am a blubbering mess. I would give anything for Chandler to be back with them, even if it meant we were not meant to be. I still think of him often, love him dearly and talk about him with my friends. As I was getting ready to leave, his mom asked Bri to take me to his room to pick out a couple of things. With each step down the stairs, the tears came faster. . .to be able to see things just as they were when I left made me smile but miss him terribly. I will always wear his Notre Dame shirt with pride and love (and cheer for them too!) as well as his Cubbies hat.

I ended the year on my own instead of going out or hanging with friends. Part of it was I just didn’t want to be around others but the other part was, I was tired, overwhelmed with what I have experienced this past year and the biggest part, who doesn’t want to ring in the new year with the most neurotic cat ever? Plus, NYE is amateur night. I would prefer not to share the road with the crazies. Instead I Facetimed with Son, Snug and T, my parents and chatted briefly with Stace, offering up the I am a loser and this headache is driving me insane (which it has been for several weeks now).

Here’s to 2013, may all your wishes come true and if I ever start talking excitedly about a guy, please smack me. And then point me to my blog.

Tuesday Randomness

How in the world is it Thanksgiving next week? Where did the time go? And is it possible that this next weekend not be in the 70s? I am beginning to get a complex when it comes to picking out clothes to wear each day.

  • The past couple of weeks I have indulged myself by taking Friday off. Apparently I needed it. The Friday before last I took it so I could deal with my guest room. . . but I didn’t even so much glance at that room.
  • Last Friday I knew I had no choice but to deal with it because I also needed to buy a bed for my parents and the current state of the room didn’t exactly welcome a queen size bed.
  • Because I rarely sleep in anymore, I got up and dealt with the room first thing. This never happens, so I was shocked as I went through the stuff that had been thrown in the room; putting everything in a tote and stacking them in the closet.
  • FYI–guests will not really have room to hang stuff in this closet, oh well. At least it is no longer an episode of Hoarders. 
  • I also managed to gather the random junk mail, paper and other crap that seems to camp out into a trash bag to take to the dumpster.
  • I started laundry, dealt with the kitchen and finally got cleaned up.
  • The nice part of taking a Friday off from work, it gives me a chance to get stuff done but not feel rushed. I knew I would need to get out to run a couple of errands but instead of running out of the door as soon as I got cleaned up, I read, watched some tv and piddled around.
  • I went to a couple mattress stores and giggled when the salespeople wanted to point me to the higher end models. Seriously? I need a basic queen set and frame. Doesn’t have to be fancy people. And while I could have dragged my very old queen set back up here when I moved, I didn’t want to torture any future guests.
  • I am sure it used to be a very comfy bed but in all fairness, how comfortable is a 30+ year old mattress?
  • My trusty, I am never ever going to part with it, like ever rocker is sitting in the guest room, waiting for the bed to come so it won’t be lonely.
  • Background: this poor rocker is as old as me. I was rocked in it as a baby, my mom’s dog used to hike his leg around it in a fit a jealousy and it was re-upholstered sometime in the late 80s. Dad also broke the base so if you sit in it a certain way, it will tip over with you in it.
  • But I love that thing and it has moved about 100 times with me. I will eventually get it fixed and recovered.
  • I was told a few years ago that being an Ole Miss fan is one of the tougher things a person could do. . . they were right. So close, yet so far Saturday night; Vandy beating us AGAIN. Not enough Jack in the world to get me through those losses.
  • I did get to witness two, um, interesting women get into an argument about football teams in the bar. The drunker one of the two did the whole up close, bump you with my chest and let the bar stool fall on the floor. She was ushered away to cool off and the other woman quickly paid her tab and left the bar.
  • I am still wondering why drunk one didn’t get kicked out or cut off. She came back, did a few more shots and wallered (is that even a word? I mean, I use it when talking about the cat not leaving me alone. . . ) on a few men.
  • It was all Klassy with a K.
  • I believed I OD’ed on football Sunday and watched the ESPN 30 on 30 documentary, Ghosts of Ole Miss. It was a wonderful documentary and left me conflicted on what I know is right and traditions.
  • Monday night was filled with a lot of pacing, gripping the arm of my chair, yelling at the tv and thinking I might need oxygen
  • All because the Steelers almost lost to another crappy team
  • They pulled out the win but my man Rothlisberger is hurt
  • I am officially a sad panda
  • I am doing fairly decently on try # 1,875,139,471 of losing weight, getting into smaller sized pants but I need to get back into walking, ugh

Now I must go deal with my fantasy football team, I won this past week but I need to deal with some players going on bye this week as well as some players that are questionable. I also need to have a talk with my Steelers, I need them to beat the Ravens. I need them to go into the playoffs and not as a Wild Card. I also need to talk to Coach Freeze about Ole Miss needing to win so they can go bowling this year.

Clearly I have issues. . . I am also waiting for Bettman to throw greed to the side and get the NHL season going. I haven’t been to a game in forever and I always loved going when I lived here before.

What Men Want. . .

I still take issue with Mel Gibson and his rants but I do enjoy watching What Women Want from time to time. I thought about that movie when I read a column last night in The Daily Mail UK. Tracey Cox, a columnist for the paper, has had a couple of interesting topics in the past week. The first one I read discussed the age old question; can men and women really be friends? while yesterday’s column was discussed what men wanted in women.

I could write volumes on my experiences with men as friends and as well as my thoughts on what they want in a mate. Actually, scratch that, I could write volumes on what NOT to do when it comes to the opposite sex. As Stace says, I have the most rotten luck when it comes to dating.

But let’s focus on the column Ms. Cox wrote . . . I have always been in the camp that believed most men wanted leggy model types. The reality shows us that the world isn’t overrun with model types but after years of watching movies, tv shows and perusing magazines we have forgotten this tidbit. Instead, we pluck, shave, highlight and diet 98% of our lives away. We strive to become these characters we watch and read forgetting that they have the help of a trainer, stylist, lots of money, lighting and the all important airbrushing.

Per Ms. Cox, several studies have been conducted to find out what it is exactly that men want in women. I was actually speechless when I read that most men are interested in the spark, an emotional connection instead of sexiness. I have been operating under the guise that it was looks first, then personality. While I will never be sexy (kind of hard when you look like you are 12 years old without makeup) my personality is kind of kick ass. Well, my personality works well with a guy’s guy. The bluntness and crassness seems to be polarizing to some guys but I won’t change my personality just to make them more comfortable.

It turns out that there are guys out there that want the nice girl. Of course if we were simply surveying the guys in my past the results would be different. I am completely honest about my penchant for bad boys. While I have grown up and moved on from that, it seems I still can’t pick a guy to save my life. Even when things *seem* perfect; the relationship ends, sometimes by my doing and sometimes their doing.

A blip on my relationship radar recently has reinforced that just maybe I am not meant to have that other half. He was a great friend, we spent a lot of time together just hanging out. As usual, I was the last to know that he might be interested. As Bubba put it, “Gee, I didn’t see that coming out of left field,”  dripping with sarcasm. Apparently everyone who knew us saw it coming, why no one clued me in on this little tidbit I will never know.

Unfortunately, just as quickly as it happened it ended. An ex-girlfriend came back into the picture and he went running back. Of course, there is a lot more to the story but I will refrain. I had heard a lot about their relationship from him and I likened it to the one I had with Bubba. A drama filled, roller coaster relationship where each person brought out the worst in the other with a lot of the past times that were once good thrown in for good measure. Needless to say, this knocked me on my ass and confirmed my thoughts on dating.

I guess the worst part has to be I was completely content being single when I moved back home. I was just so freakin’ happy to be back, with my circle of friends and everything that I loved that I didn’t really care about being single. I loved being around my guy friends, being myself (that kick ass personality that per the article stated men cared more about) that I didn’t care that nights out meant coming home to only a cat. None of that matter because I had forgotten what it was like to have someone around in that way. And really, what you don’t know is missing will not be missed.

We both shared there had been flashes of something *more* but he wanted to be completely done with his ex before moving forward. Me? I didn’t know what I was missing and I didn’t think he would be interested. He told me one night that it was over, he was done with the roller coaster; I took it in, not really knowing what to think or say. Then it happened and since we already knew each other’s story . . . we skipped that whole awkward beginning of a relationship. And I was happy, disgustingly happy. He was surprisingly open, kind, sweet and thoughtful. Sure, I knew what kind of guy he was before but when you cross the friend line, you see a whole other level.

Since I hadn’t seen this coming a mile away, I most definitely did not see what was coming next. The drama roller coaster came skidding up in front of him and he hopped right back on board. I was knocked down, just like Charlie Brown while trying to kick the football and lost a great guy and a friend. The real kick in the pants comes from my personal experience with the on again, off again relationship. I know that nothing I say will make a difference. He’s stubborn like me and will keep trying to shove that square peg into the round hole. I also see what my friends saw when I was going through this a million years ago. As a friend, I feel completely helpless because I can’t make him see reason. Actually, you do see reason, even agree with it but you keep waiting for the same effort to return a different result. Square peg, round hole.

As a more than a friend, I am heartbroken that this destroyed our friendship, I miss him and once again wish that none of it had happened. Now knowing how fun it was, how it just made sense and that it was actually very easy to cross that line makes me mad and disappointed in myself. I knew better but for once I had been completely willing to be open, no prying necessary.

So I did giggle when I started reading Ms. Cox’s columns . . . friends of the opposite sex can be friends but you both have to respect that the line is there for a reason, if you risk crossing that line, you have to be willing to sacrifice that friendship and while it has been assumed that you need to be perfect, men are just looking for what we are looking for. . . a nice person that you can connect with, have fun and be comfortable around. And here I have been so worried that I couldn’t pull off the sexy vibe.

And yes, I still wish that our mutual friends would have smacked me upside the head so I would have seen any and all of this coming. He was quite unexpected and I think that is what cuts the deepest. Good times. And probably by tomorrow, men will decide they want something totally different. I happen to think they are worse than women in some aspects.

Packing is for the Birds

I am beat, tired, sore, sweaty and overwhelmed. One would think that after about a million moves, that I would have this down to a science. Um, no. I am very guilty of holding on to things and not wanting to get rid of them. This has become a running joke among friends and my mom.

To date, I have thrown away I don’t know how much stuff as well as left a very large pile of items to be donated and I still have some stuff to pack. Luckily the kitchen is done. That is my biggest challenge with every move. I love to cook and with that love comes a lot of pots, pans, utensils and spices. A huge thank you to Bird who helped me tackle this Saturday. Sister, you are the best thing since sliced bread. Thanks for unpacking that mess two and a half years ago and thank you for packing it back up this past weekend. I would still be staring at it probably debating on chucking it instead of taking it with me.

As usual, mom has given me tips, pointers, mild suggestions and full on insults when it comes to all of my stuff, my cleaning ability and Wook’s litter box. I can safely say I did not get the neat gene from her. I am a disaster when it comes to keeping my place put together.

I also got some help in the muscle department when it came to getting rid of stuff via the dumpster. I don’t think I would have been able to toss what I did if it hadn’t been for some extra hands. I will try my best not to accumulate so much next time. I said try. . .

Two and a half years ago I had to face a reality that I didn’t much care for, it was a bitter pill to swallow. While I did grow up here, home is Nashville and I hope that my friends and family here understand that this feeling isn’t about them. I found myself in Nashville, I grew up there, created a family of friends and could be myself. It’s where I learned to live on my own.

I looked at other cities when looking for a new opportunity, but I always came back to Nashville. I am a city girl at heart and Nashville gives me a taste of the city but always lets me be a couple hours away from the parental unit. Hopefully this go around they will visit. Mom prefers the beach, dad prefers the mountains and Nashville has neither. As I have repeated often to them, at least I didn’t pick up and move to DC or NYC or Baltimore. See this could have been much worse, well at least for them!

I feel like I am coming out of a long term funk, one that was temporarily raised during my time with Chandler. He knew better than I did at the time that this wasn’t home to me and that my happiness was in a city that by all accounts, he strongly disliked.

As I have told the Queen, I am going to make an effort to do more this time. I am going to be thankful every day to be home. I am also going to take advantage of my really long list of restaurants that I want to hit.

But first I have a bit more packing to do, two more sleeps here and then the Wookster and I are heading home. Bless my cat for having to endure the back and forth. I am quite the lucky girl to be heading back there and have a great group of friends that are ready to help me unpack and probably tease me for having so much stuff.

Where The Streets Are Paved With Gold

Chandler used to say this all the time about Nashville and my love for the city. Well, I am happy to finally say, I AM GOING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After two and half years back in Chattanooga, I am finally relocating back to my home. I can’t stop smiling, laughing and pinching myself because this just seems all to good to be true. The streets aren’t really paved in gold but it has almost everything that I love there.

Now I am up to my armpits in organizing, packing, purging and trying to remember everything that I need to get done, all in a very short amount of time. Poor Bird gets the honor of helping me pack up my kitchen, bless her, she had to unpack it (with the help of my mom) when I moved back.

Wookie is excited to be heading back home but I don’t think he has figured out the whole, “we have to be in a car for a couple of hours” part. The Queen, Cherry, Debbie Do, Shy and many others have been put on notification that I will bribe them with food and drinks to help me unpack. Plus a little pool time might help as well. . .

I am so excited at this new opportunity and the chance to live in Nashville again. I can’t wait to get back into my routine, hit up the farmer’s market, hang out with friends, walk around Radnor and get reacquainted with Nashville.

I love and will miss all of my friends and family back here but my heart belongs to Nashville and this girl has a lot of stumbling through life there.

WOOT!

Dorky With a Hint of Cool

My new tagline, actually, I have been wanting to use that for awhile; I just kept forgetting to update the header. The tagline came about from a conversation that Stace and I had several years ago. We both agreed that I was quite dorky but that somewhere, deep inside, I had a hint of cool.

Of course that cool was not there during my teen years. I was such a dork, from trying out not once but twice the whole perming my hair (I believe some childhood boys that were friends were the ones that originated Popcorn) but also trying out some trends that I look back on with horror. I wasn’t a part of the A crowd but I think being in my own little world made me see things differently. I wanted out of my hometown, I wanted to travel and I wanted to write.

While I may not have gone all out with each of those goals, I have to say, not bad for the dorky girl who was quite shy in high school. Bird teases me about the fact that I at least dated in high school and I have to laugh each time we talk about it. Sure, I dated, but the majority of guys I did date did not go to my school and more than likely they lived in the next town over.

When I was dating Chandler last year I had to laugh because we would bump into someone we both knew and he would mention that he had dated her. I was not accustomed to that since I either dated outside of my high school or when I lived in Nashville, it was odd to bump into an old flame. We even pulled out my old high school yearbooks and looked through them. Pages upon pages of pictures of him, countless girls who swooned over him and then I would have maybe two pictures in the yearbook. I think I might have told him he was dating a dork at one point.

I finally came into my own after moving for the second time back to Nashville. It was rough at first but between college friends and friends of those college friends, I began to figure out who I was. While others dreaded turning 30, I had a countdown to that glorious day. A very old friend of mine, Red, turned 30 nine days before me. I think I had called him to tease him about getting older and he paid me back with the don’t go into the light line that his sister had said to him.

I finally realized that it didn’t matter if I didn’t have a perfectly flat tummy or my thighs touched. I had cobbled together a group of friends that made me laugh and accepted me as is, no need to impress. Of course, we also spent those years going out to sports bars, drinking and misbehaving but those early 30s were a lot of fun.

I wouldn’t want to repeat most of those nights now because, well, I don’t have the energy for those late nights. I like being asleep by 10ish. And of course those friends all have little ones now, so our fun equates to dinners out or hanging at one of their places.

So here I am, 38 and quite comfy with my dorky status. I still trip over my own two feet, I still have really odd tastes when it comes to men and I have yet to be able to settle down. But sometimes I think that in my own way, I have settled down. I may not have the husband and kids to show for it, but I have a pretty cool village of friends that I call family.

Friends

Disclaimer:This post is for some of my Nashville ladies, this is no way implies that these ladies are better than my other Nashville ladies though. I love you all, I just happened to warn these special friends that the pictures I took would end up here. . .

I read Bloom by Kelle Hampton earlier this month, between the tears, laughter and sweetness of Hampton’s words and pictures; I finally figured out how to describe those precious friends I have in Nashville.

So, to borrow from Hampton, these people, these wonderful friends are a part of my net. The net that catches me when I fall or have a bad day. They make me laugh uncontrollably and accept that I am quite silly. With a simple, one sentence email from any of them, I know I need to rally the troops, tell them I love them and offer up virtual hugs until we can get in the same zip code. And then? Amid the talk, laughter and my silliness, ample hugs and I love yous.

They were there for me when I was dealing with female problems and had to have Charlie and Dexter (the only two things to come out of my uterus and yes, I named them) removed. I always joke about their mother hen tendencies but even now, having not seen them daily for two years, having them all cluck around me makes me quite happy.

Lady, Tuby Ruesday, Debbie Do, Cherry, Shy & The Queen

We talk about our lives, our jobs, family and normally the stories of how I consistently pick the wrong man. I take Chandler out of this list because I am still quite protective of him. What happened between us could not be helped. As much as I like to fix things and make them all better.

We also talked about dreams, possibilities as well as a very wild trip that Cherry and her family took the other month. These ladies have been my net for a good portion of my life in Nashville. I have a motley crew of friends and each one means so much to me. Who can say that their BFF opted out of a quiet evening reading Harry Potter in order to sit in the ER while I was freaking out. Or the moment Jorge dumped me without me seeing it coming, two sweet friends came running with food, wine and hugs.

I have been very lucky and blessed to have so many friends that have always willing to catch me as I was falling. What ever happens in the future, what zip codes we life in, you will all mean so terrible much to me. I will be there for hugs, love and food.

I love each of you and my Queen, my life would be princess less had you not adopted me into your royal court. I owe so much to you. My only suggest is when we go traipsing out is to maybe cut the conversation for a bit until we make the right turns. And mom, I know my way around Nashville, it is just kind of difficult when you get the Queen and I together.

To my ladies, I love you each. You may tease me all you like because if you didn’t it would mean you no longer cared.

Tuesday Randomness

Oh dear, a weekend running around Nashville with friends equals a tired Amy. I got lots of quality time with The Queen, Stace, Son, Cherry, Shy, Ruby Tuesday, Lady and DebDo. I also got some snuggles, a bite or two and giggles out of the two little Es.

  • In typical fashion, I was under dressed for Highballs and Hydrangeas but I rocked my pink Coach wedge hills. The band was really good, playing all those favorite dance songs from the 60s. It was quite a workout.
  • And I counted it as one of my workouts for the weekend because let’s face it, dancing in three inch wedges and sweating for over an hour and a half is a workout.
  • I believe the sound of the whole evening was laughter. We laughed at old stories, new stories and rehashed some of my um, bad choices. I think it was more about laughing about me and the situations I manage to get myself into.
  • A sad moment, I was in Green Hills, at Crows Nest but never managed to stop over at the mall. It is a sad day when I can’t make it over to the mall. I may need to see a shrink about that.
  • I had a wonderful Sunday with Aulisio, meeting up for brunch. This is something that doesn’t really happen in Chattanooga. I miss it.
  • And then back to the Queen’s to wrap up a couple of projects as well as visit some more.
  • Working out last night was interesting. . . we really stepped it up but wow, my legs are not happy with me right now.
  • Wookie has made it clear that I am on the naughty list. Some can food and snuggles later and he kind of got over my traveling. Kind of, sort of. .  .

I am a bit tired and I have a cute post that I would like to work on but that will have to wait until tomorrow. The sleep is winning out.

The One With the Birthday

Officially I am now 38, in fantasy land I am 35 and to strangers who see me sans makeup and work clothes I am probably 12. Let’s just say that the closer I get to 40 the more delusional I seem to get because while I welcomed 30 with open arms and a countdown I am not feeling 40.

I got to say though, this past weekend was great. I highly recommend taking off the Friday and Monday around your birthday. I am still dragging a bit but I am going to blame the old age for that one.

Thursday night was spent on the road with the Queen barreling down 75 to Atlanta. Sister cracks me up. We went to Atlantic Station, a nice mix of food and shops where we met a fabulous girl working a boutique who is headed to NYC for her dream soon. So jealous of her moving to NYC as well as the fearless leap she is taking with this dream. We also hit up Strip–Steak & Sushi. Let’s just say that in my foodie little world, this was just to die for because everything I tasted was wonderful!

Friday was spent wandering around Atlanta while the Queen was at a luncheon. IKEA! was the first place I hit and again, it didn’t disappoint. I browsed around, picked up a few things, drooled over a few things and then hit the cafe. As I was getting a refill a cute boy with long hair (this would be my high school self drooling) smiles so I smile back. As I was leaving the cafe to get my cart and finish my whirlwind tour of IKEA! he says hi, asks what I am doing and what I am doing later. When I said I was heading back to Nashville he asked if I would sit and talk with him for a bit. Besides the fact I was beet red, shocked that he was flirting with me and of all places for this to happen, IKEA! I was more concerned with my shopping.

You heard that right, instead of sitting down for thirty minutes to chat with a cute boy I said I had to finish my shopping. This would be my version of “I carried a watermelon.” And again, people wonder why I am still single? Then I promptly updated my FB status with this little gem because I had to remember this for posterity’s sake.

After hitting up Atlantic Station one more time I finally made it back to where the Queen was to pick her up and then we were barreling back up 75 to Chattanooga to pick up my car. The drive to Nashville was quick until I hit traffic before Murfreesboro. One of the many wrecks in Nashville for the night. The boy and I had reservations at Miel for 7:15 and I still needed to slap some makeup on and change clothes. I did manage to make it to his place at 6:29, ran in and heard him mumbling something about you’re a girl when I said I would get ready quickly.

Dude, I got ready in no time flat and was still waiting on him to get changed. But let’s just say I enjoyed the whole cowboy boots that he was wearing. I couldn’t stop giggling and I think I finally stopped when he gave me the “it’s not that funny” look when I asked if I could call him cowboy. Maybe that is why he is listed in my phone as Sour Puss. . .

Miel was beyond ridiculously good. I finally understood how the rat felt in Ratatouille and yes, I just referenced a rodent in a cartoon.  Two nights, two great meals. I can feel the fat growing. . .

Saturday was a blur of exercising, meeting up with a very sweet friend, shopping with the boy, eating at another French restaurant and then to cap off a great day in the city I call home, dinner with four fab friends. And way too much food. But just for giggles I got sung to by the staff (while a napkin was over my head, I was red then too) while our chef was banging on a drum. Good times.

After spending a bit more time in Nashville on Sunday I reluctantly came back here and was lectured by a certain cat named Wookie. He is never happy when I am not in his presence.

Today I slept in and then heard my phone go off way too many times with notifications of birthday wishes on FB. After lunch with the parental unit, shoe shopping and getting my hair done, I am finishing up laundry and then will take these old bones to bed.

What a birthday weekend, so blessed, thankful and full of delusion because there is no way I am 38. That just seems. . . wrong.

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