The One Where I Went on a Blind Date

A lot has changed in the world of dating. Ten years ago it was a big freakin deal to even do the internet dating. Now there is an app for any and all kinds of dating. Wanna hook up? Wanna date a Jew? A farmer? Looking for same sex options? You name it, they have it.

Which begs the question, why didn’t I major in program development? But I digress… I work with some young kids. I am often reminded of what my life used to look like as well as what it would look like if I were their age. I’ll pass on both options. They did suggest Bumble, a dating app that makes the female reach it first once a match is made. Think Tinder but less sleazy.

Ive tried it off and on in the past year, with little success. There was one guy, Bradley, that seemed cool but it never went anywhere. I think he was hedging his bets with multiple options and instead of saying, hey, I’m dating someone, he just poofed. Another guy I kind of got to know was interesting but I just couldn’t pull the trigger to met him. Too much time to think about it which makes it virtually impossible for me to follow through.

And then this joker…moved here a year ago from Alabama, my age…not necessarily my type but since I’m not getting any younger and I’m no longer that tiny little thing from ten years ago, I kept an open mind. He seemed funny and the online chatting seemed to be easy. He asked to meet up for a drink that evening. Ok, not giving me time to analyze so I say ok.

First impressions…no spark. He was funny but red flags starting flying. We are at a place on my side of town. He doesn’t offer to pay for my drink, no problem. We sit and start chatting when one of his buddies walks by and they start to chat. Weird vibes as they talk and then both start asking if I have single friends for a double date.

Nashville is no longer a small big town, bumping into people you know, especially when you are across town from where you live doesn’t happen often. And these two jokers are chatting, sizing me up and just all around weird with red flags flying. His friend finally leaves and guy starts asking a ton of questions. But the best part was when he explained he felt like I was a red flag because I haven’t been married nor had children by 43. He decided to give me a chance though. Wow, how charitable.

When I explained that while I had really wanted to get married and have kids, it just hadn’t happened, he began asking what was wrong with me. Umm, ok. I guess the only real mark against me is my taste in men. I have heard stories of women giving ultimatums, manipulating the situation to get their own way as well as guys just relenting and saying, well, we’ve dated this long, guess this is the next step.

Do you know where most of those examples are now? Divorced.

When I asked him about his time being married and his kids, the only response I got was, they’re grown. He refused to give any details that pertained to him. But he felt comfortable enough to discuss how I was dressed, that I needed to wear heels,  be more feminine and what size I was in actual clothing. Nice eh?

I knew it was time to cut and run. He kept asking if he could come to my house to watch hockey. Umm no, I just met you. He then walked me to my car, tried to kiss me, when I stepped back he asked to come back to my place again and then tried to kiss me again. Short of knocking him out cold, I told him I barely knew him, he was not welcome in my home nor was I interesting kissing him.

I drove off, ran a couple of errands and cringed at what a horrible experience it had been. The next day he texted twice and called once. I politely responded with the following, “you e given me plenty to think about as I didn’t realize my lack of marriages and kids were red flags. At this time, I am going to work on me. Thanks.” And then I blocked him and deleted the app.

What did I learn? That apparently as long as you can say you were married it doesn’t matter. Settle up ladies and gents! Because those divorcées will judge you if you haven’t been married and had kids with a variety of people.

Umm yeah, I think I’ll just wait and if it happens, great. If not, at least I’m alone for the right reasons and not in a relationship for the wrong reasons. And those with multiple exes can judge me. Cheers!

 

Because It Could Only Happen to Me

There are times when I truly think my life should be one of those cheesy romantic comedies. .. well, light on the romantic, heavy on the comedy. I’ve joked before about exes popping back up in my life. I even did a brief tour to visit boyfriends from the past last year.

Of course, nothing could prepare me for the boy coming back into my life. Sure, we live less than five miles from each other, our offices are less than a mile away but running into him? Nah. In fact I had put the boy in the file marked old history. My trip through the past last year allowed me to go back to DC and make peace with what I considered a disaster of a trip.

Of course every time you think that your past is in fact comfortably sitting in the past, it does like to pop up. As usual, the boy didn’t have my phone number but he had my email address. Something tragic had happened and he needed a friend. He knew he didn’t deserve it but he was asking anyway. So I called.

He told me what happened and some of it went right over my head because I was in shock. I was having a hard time putting it all together and could only say I was sorry to hear that. The boy apologized for being an asshole to me, being a shitty friend, all the stuff that Bubba had said all those years ago. He went on to say that he would appreciate meeting up for a drink at some point but then prefaced it with he didn’t want me to think he was using me and that he wasn’t just leaning on me because it’s easy (well something to that effect, it’s been a few months). And in perfect self defense mode (ala making fun of myself so there would be no way I could ever be rejected) I explained that I had gained a lot of weight and that there wouldn’t be one ounce of attraction for me. . .

Then in a small voice he said, I just want you to be healthy.

Maybe his reading my blog made him see some things, maybe it didn’t. Maybe the women who came after me made he learn a lesson. I don’t know but that was the very first time he responded with a neutral comment about my health and not something about losing weight or some kind of goal I should have for myself.

After watching DC guy react to how I looked last year I was at least prepared for some kind of reaction from the boy. I mean, this isn’t a few extra pounds, it is quite a bit and it affects everything in my life now. To his credit, he didn’t let his reaction show. Now I can come up with all kinds of things probably running through his mind however I torture myself enough with the harsh words, so we will skip this part.

We talked on the phone, texted, met for a drink and when the shit would hit the fan, he leaned on me to vent. I may suck at romantic relationships but I rock the friend one. And just like that, it was as if no time had passed and we were old friends. I will say, I have some bitterness with eHarmony because the boy was a perfect match. We got along, had tons in common, could talk for hours but (because there is always a but) where I was flexible (to the point of being steamrolled by almost any guy I dated) he was rigid. If I willingly gave up control of the tv for a program he rarely did so for me. The boy let me in to a degree when we were dating but kept some walls up.

And maybe that is why by the time Chandler got me, he had a lot of demo work to do. Why let someone in, be so open, showing everything about you when the other person only shows snippets? You don’t get as hurt that way.

The boy has grown as a person and I now have that relationship I had with Bubba with him. I can be honest, tell him that I think something is stupid because I don’t have anything to lose. I am probably quite mean to him when it comes to being blunt. Its a gift that was born out of the rubble from the Bubba debacle.

We’ve hit that nice stretch where we are friends, we will go to dinner, talk about concerts and sports. It is nice. I watched his face when we were at Iron Maiden last month. Pure joy to be seeing one of his favorite bands. It’s the look I imagined I had for most of my trip to NYC last Christmas, when something you love so much becomes a reality.

I hate that the reason he popped back into my life was because of a tragedy within his life but I guess when you need friends, you need them. Hopefully he will find peace and happiness in the future. As for now, I will enjoy talking food and sports with him.

2017

A new year, a new me? Nah, resolutions never seem to stick. But I can say that I took last year to regroup, refocus and to challenge myself.

I started a new tradition by traveling to Chicago for my birthday, this year it will be Vegas. I struck out on my own the following month by going back to DC. It had been a few years since I had been and it was a great way to get my feet wet in terms of traveling by myself. A girls trip to Vegas later in the spring and finally, going to see the big tree in NYC.

I have always loved to travel but traveling for work was, well, work…if I had the time I didn’t have the money, if I had the money, I didn’t have the time…and then the whole fairytale of wouldn’t it be great to travel with my significant other? And since that was a solid yes I would delay a trip just in case. So I finally woke up and accepted that that stupid Prince Charming wasn’t coming and screw it if he did, I can do this by myself.

And you know something? I love traveling by myself! I can cram everything in that I want to do, shift it around, change it up and at no point do I have explain why to anyone. So I’m planning trips with friends and without them this year. If they want to come along for the ride, great.

As it has been for the past ten years or so, I’m battling with my weight. But I’ve finally come up with a plan that should work. It’s realistic, small goals and it’s about me becoming healthy, not fitting into a pair of jeans. I meal prep for the week, I switch out at least one soda for water and make myself eat breakfast. Since I love to cook, I spend more time going through the peremiter of the grocery and culling down my use of processed food. I love soda however I’ve managed to quit diet sodas so that’s a plus.

I’m spending more time stretching, walking and being realistic about working out. If I fall down, I just get back up, no big deal. Now if I could just figure out how the ladies in NYC look flawless coming in and out of the subway without looking like a sweaty mess during the winter I would be thrilled.

Love life? Hahahahahaha, you know I’ve tried to put myself out there but I think for now I’m happy with just being on my own. My judgement sucks (clearly) but I’m more concerned about being happy. It’s all about finding the good in life. Sure, some days suck and it can be frustrating but I try to remember that it’s just a day.

The Wookster is 17 and just slays me with his crotchety old self. He’s the best thing since sliced bread. He keeps me on my toes with his demands of routine and whatever is pissing him off at that particular moment.

So yeah, 2017 is about making strides to be a better person and I think I can do that…

Remembering 9/11

Stumbling Through Life

15 years later and that brief moment where our country came together is now a distant memory. Today everyone hates everyone, someone is to blame for someone else’s lot in life, our political system is broken and it’s all just sad.

I will stress this little lesson I learned when I was kid, there are always bad apples in every bushel. Can we please stop making blanket statements about people based on the color of their skin, the religious or sexual preference? There are good people in this world, lets shine the light on them, let’s respect each other and understand that there are a lot of ways to get from point a to point b.

For those who lost their lives on 9/11, they were just going about their lives. They died because someone hated us enough to high jack planes and crash them into buildings. Think about that…

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The One Where I’m Too…

I haven’t had a date since, well I can’t remember…my last boyfriend spent more time lying and cheating while I cooked, cleaned and spent time with his daughter. The good news is he is with the one he cheated with and they are perfect for each other. I am grateful we have both moved on and I hope never to be that naive or dumb again.

I have gone back and forth on the whole dating thing, I’ve connected with some interesting men but they never follow-thru or as I’ve learned, they’ve ghosted me. This whole dating thing is not evening dating. Text messages do not equate real conversations and apparently my demographic has turned into the world’s laziest men.

The hard part is being told I’m too independent, too optionated, too picky, too intimidating…or as one male friend said to me, “they just say that because they’re not interested but don’t want to say that.” Seriously, who needs enemies when I have some friends so willing to be cruel?

But let’s look at the first descriptor, too independent: My dad drilled this thought into my head: do not depend on anyone else. (Not his exact words but you get the idea)

I have spent my adult life working my ass off so I don’t have to ask for help, rely on others and when I do ask for help I want to kick my own ass thinking I could figure out a way to do it on my own. I’ve also heard my male friends complain enough about clingy, needy women.

So exactly what do men want, because you can’t have it both ways…and seriously, is the male species that stupid to not realize that wanting someone in your life is a whole lot better than needing someone. Or are their egos just that fragile?

The same friend who says he’s just being honest says he likes his women hot and crazy. Apparently there is a perfect ratio of crazy and hot. And those of us who are sane, independent, capable that might not have that hot body are left in the cold.

I do love the too picky label because in the same breath I am told that X was an ass, lazy, horrible, ect. (and the X equates to several exes). So don’t settle but you’re too picky? Yeah, I don’t get it either.

So far now I guess I will hang with my way too independent, optionated, picky self, oh and the Wookster.

 

 

Tackling Social Media

Thank God social media wasn’t around when I was growing up! In this day and age, even a die hard news junkie like myself has decidedly blocked out politics, news and the circus that goes with it.

I watch as friends and family get sucked into every possible warning of the world is ending and you have to post this statement so you can continue to Facebook for free. It’s as if everyone checks their brain at the door when they hop onto social media.

And the judging! Wow, I have a lot of very perfect friends based on what is posted daily. The judgements of parenting, exercise, food, hobbies and beliefs because there way is the right way!

The world is dominated with fire and brimstone, we are told how horrible we are, to feel guilty about our religious beliefs, sexual orientation and skin color, even what we have or don’t have… It’s amazing how sitting behind an electronic device makes us all so very brave.

Sadly the ones who maybe left or right of center are never heard. Why? The extreme right and left are too busy screaming at everyone, they tend to drown out the rational thinking ones. The people who keep on working, keep on doing, those who find it a bit more important to do those extremely boring tasks in order to live daily.

Today’s political map is more about scaring everyone, telling Americans what they should be afraid of and how segments of the population are to blame.

I’m a middle class white girl with student loan debt who screwed up her credit during college. The housing market in my city is crazy so I still rent. Who’s to blame for my mess? Me. I strongly felt that in order to better myself I needed a college education. I also wanted to continue shopping to my heart’s content when I transferred instead of tightening the purse strings.

Was it worth it? I’m leaning towards yes with the caveat that had I buckled down in terms of studying as well as spending, my life might be a bit different right now but I own my choices. It is what it is and I can’t blame my parents, my teachers or my friends for those choices or even society. And I did have fun.

So while we can all dream of winning the lottery or being given everything we think we deserve, the reality is nobody owes us anything. My friends run the socioeconomic gambit and I will never begrudge those who have more. I would also hope that my friends who may not have the luxury to travel wherever, whenever wouldn’t begrudge me this either.

I also take social media posting with a grain of salt. You can blow out the colors of your life showing just how awesome you are and how people should look to you for that perfect life but take the filters off and well, your life probably looks similar to mine. You drug your ass out of the bed, had a bad hair day, got cutoff in traffic and had a hellish day at work and then got to come home to a messy house, bills and trying to figure out how to exercise and eat all before 9pm when you want to crash and burn. Only to do the whole thing over again five days a week.

I have a friend who really hurt my feelings when she trashed what I like to do during my free time. I love sports, that does not negate my intelligence nor does it make me a redneck. I grew up loving football and have that in common with my dad. I have a multi-tv setup so I can obsess over it during the season. I now own half season tickets to the Predators because I fell in love with the sport when it came to town. I’ve worked my ass off and if I want to spend my downtime watching sports I will. I’m 42, I don’t have a husband/boyfriend nor do I have kids so yes, I have some time on my hands. I also love to travel, read and cook. But I was slammed because I like sports.

Let’s remember that what makes the world a great place is that there are so many different viewpoints and ways of life. Painting people with such broad strokes seems unfair and close minded. One of the reasons I love visiting big cities is being able to observe all the cultures. I love hearing all the languages, trying to figure out what they are saying. I enjoy seeing how others live and tend to be very jealous of those with mass transit.

I’m a natural born cynic when it comes to my love life but I hope and pray that those just sitting in the middle can lead by example. Love each other, listen and teach your kids respect. Right now we are dealing with a segment who were given awards for just showing up, not working and children whose parents split u and instead of taking the hard path when parenting opted for the buddy route or the let me talk to my kid as if he has been through so much already. Respect, wanting to learn what makes others tick and appreciating that is key. Be the change, all it takes is a little kindness.

The One Where I Revist the Past

I just finished Me Before You and while I have had a few friends give me the look and ask why would I do this, I can say that I needed to read it and it kind of helped.

Same but different situation but I had the same feels as Lou, the questions, the helplessness, the guilt. . . I don’t really like talking a lot about the process after losing Chandler. It is one thing when I talk to his Ma or his sisters or even his bestie because, well, we are all in the same boat. I lost him twice and to this day I feel guilty. I should have fought for us, I should have pushed him, I should have. . . well you get the picture.

Assisted suicide.  . .I get it but I just can’t, at least right now I just can’t get behind it. But then again you are reading a 42 year old never been married adult who is terrified of having to deal with Wook getting older and it showing. I can’t make those decisions and am frozen in fear about am I doing the right thing for him. Quality vs quantity

After the Allan debacle I decided (after limping through football season and ignoring the start of hockey) that I wanted to travel. I wanted to do things for me. And then I decided that when I hit DC I would revisit a boyfriend from the past. I am not sure what I was looking for other than maybe some confirmation that my 21 year old self made the right decision. I did and while he is a nice guy we are two very different people. And he still saw me as a naive little town girl and the tip he left the server after we had drinks kind of rubbed me the wrong way. So I at least felt better about that decision from a million years ago.

I ended up seeing my high school boyfriend the following month. It was interesting. With time I let go of the hurt from being dumped the night I graduated high school but hanging out with his friends and having 20+ years of experience since then, it was nice. We laughed and drank, told stories, listened to music and smoked meat.

When I knew I was going to visit him I dubbed it the year of visiting boyfriends past. . . I would probably be up for seeing some of the guys I dated from camp, possibly one from my post college days but to go through a visit with each and every one of them? Nah, those relationships ended because they needed to and most I have no desire to see again.

I finally turned hockey back on, it was almost the end of the season. I went to two post season games and ended up buying a half season because I missed it so much. I saw Allan there both times, across the way, each time I was thankful that he did me the favor of cheating, again. They are perfect for each other and while his family liked me what mattered was his feelings. I finally admitted that I could never help him nor could I ever save him. You can’t fix people, no matter how much you try or how much you love them.

For me? I am counting down the days until football season starts as well as hockey season. I am trying to push myself outside of my comfort zone. I even signed up for a dating app. . . we will see if anything comes of it. I am kind of in that place that it is going to take someone really special for me to be willing to let my guard down.

The book was really good, I loved the story but I will admit, reading that was the emotional equivalent of cutting. And the movie will be released this Friday. Yes I am going to see it, yes I will be bawling again but I am drawn to it, I can’t not see it.

 

The One Where I Admit. . .

I have a thing for Hallmark Christmas movies, please people, send help. . . cause I have become obsessed with every movie remotely tied to Christmas and now I have a channel that is all cheesy Christmas movies all the time. And I could write these cheesy things. . .

So between football and cheesy movies, my dance card is kind of full. I spend my days working and my evenings curled up on the couch with the Wookster. I have even managed to find sappy books to read, so I may need to be admitted to a self help program at the first of the year. We won’t even talk about what my DVR looks like at the moment.

I have started doing meal prep for a couple of coworkers, it’s so nice cooking for others and yet I don’t have to worry if my house is neat and tidy for dinner guests! Score! I have been working on getting my Christmas gifts bought, unfortunately each time I head out I end up with something I like plus another Star Wars item for Mr. E. Stace and the hubby may end up cutting me off if I continue to buy gifts for my buddy. To be fair, the kid’s birthday is five days after Christmas and a good portion of the stuff is books so. . .

I can’t wait until the 24th. . . I grew up watching Star Wars, I remember coming out of the cinema in Cleveland, being held by my dad, seeing the StarVu drive-in playing The Empire Strikes Back and wanting to see it again after just sitting through it. While mom isn’t that into it, dad and I are going and it is going to be so much fun. Although I will probably be the one paying this time and we will probably have to hit Starbucks before we head to the theater.

I am looking forward to the new year, fresh new plans, goals and experiences. 2016 will be spent making me happy. I have agreed to go out at least once a month with the Queen, I will continue to volunteer at Second Harvest Food Bank and I am going to work hard to get back to 5K shape. Of course, I will also do whatever the Wookster wants me to do as well because he’s the boss.

But for now I will continue to watch football and some sappy Hallmark movies. At least it kind of balances out. .. maybe. . .

The One About Dating

*Fair warning: parents, friends of parents, kids I used to babysit but are now grown: adult content ahead and I am human. No judgements or comments. . . K? Thanks

Dating 101

In an effort to move forward (and not become a hermit. . . oops, too late) I have forced myself to create an online dating profile. Sadly, I feel like this will be an exercise in an overabundance of writing material as opposed to the dinner and a movie type dates.

On a whim last year (i.e. I felt like mocking the app) I signed up for Tinder. I am by no means a sweet, innocent girl BUT waking up to this message one Sunday morning sent me to the edge:

dude: So hungover. . .
me: sorry about that
dude: know what cures a hangover?
me: umm, hair of the dog?
dude: nah, you blowing me
me: Delete! Swipe Left! Erase! Erase! Erase

 Is that all there is? A horrible pick up line (if you can call it that) about being hungover and needing an oral? Oh and this was the first ever interaction with this dude. Next!

After that shocking exchange, I decided to be, let’s say, a bit more candid and upfront in my profile message.

If you are looking for sex, swipe left–I need more than “yo, drop your drawers” to even talk to you.

I guess I am a bit more old fashioned than I thought. Also, I grew up with male friends, spent quite a bit of time at a fraternity house and I can promise you, I have heard it all and have yet to fall for most of those lines. I can also make a sailor blush, so please put more effort into getting to know me before propositioning me.

What sent me over the edge with Tinder happened shortly after that disaster. I was matched with Stu, a friend since college who is bitchier than me. That match just seemed wrong. I texted our buddy Arch, told him what happened and he laughed. I deleted the app.

After breakup number I lost count with a double side of high school drama, I opted to have a relationship with my tv and go all hermit crab. I even looked at becoming a nun but I’m not Catholic, it would take time to convert and well I have the patience of a gnat. So I did what any single gal who had about two drops of water in her dating pool, I Googled “dating sites” and they have one for pretty much everyone, well except me, out there. Some are not safe for even my eyes.

I settled on OKCupid for now figuring that these things are time sucks and I’m lazy. . . who wants to spend several nights typing in the answer to “why I’m single and looking?” My preference would be to simply yet honestly say this:

I’m 41, never been married, no kids, disease free, overweight but trying to get back to an acceptable size (per my doctor, not a tabloid magazine). I have issues, I left my first real love because i wanted to “have fun” and have made some really bad choices since then but my 20s were hella fun minus the pill popping ex who loved to tell me exactly what was wrong with me (Yay! Emotional abuse!)

Got my second chance at love with someone who just never talked about his issues with me, after dating 2 1/2 years, he took me to NYC for the weekend (which most of my friends thought was going to be the location he would pop the question) and two weeks later he dumped me. Never saw it coming. His cousin had a crush on me and I was in a horrible place mentally, emotionally but not physically. Yes sir! I got on the being dumped diet (best diet ever!) and lost a ton of weight. Stumbled around trying to figure out what was wrong with me, had some fun with a much younger guy and attended a party where the ex and his new girl came as well and it is rumored conceived their kid in our mutual friend’s driveway. To be fair, he did call to tell me he had a kid on the way (before his family knew. . . although I guess I was the one who shared the news with his cousin). Tailspin right into cousin and knew it was wrong, shouldn’t lead him on, etc. but I wasn’t in a good place and I hurt him badly. I wouldn’t be shocked if he still was angry with me (he was really good at holding grudges). But in the end, the ex and I exchange emails about football annually, so there’s that. . . Opted to take advantage of the early 30s and skinny. HAD. A. BLAST.

Finally broke down and tried match.com, horrible meat market. Then eHarmony which begat the boy, dated him for awhile and lost my shit when he went two days before letting me know he had arrived safely in Portland. I know I dumped him for more than that but seriously, how hard is a text that says, “I’m here! Talk to you soon!”? I don’t need a play by play or crawling up my ass but letting someone know (that loves you) that you arrived safely isn’t asking for too much. I made that shallow boy cry though.

We tangled as friends a couple more times but I’m not skinny enough for him. All I can say is, I can lose weight, but that hair transplant didn’t work sweetie.

Then came Chandler, who came out of the blue and left almost as quickly. He showed me just how much he loved me by setting me free. I still regret being in DC with the boy when he passed away. But he gave me one more present. . . a very clear view of the boy’s true personality.

And finally, the past three years I have spent (off and on) with a selfish guy who has way too many vices/addictions, who only thought of himself. I never really understood people who are happier when they are miserable but he really fits that description. The drama, the need to cause upheaval and the lack of respect. . .well I got that in spades. And I kept on forgiving him and welcoming him back into my life. Love is deaf, dumb and blind. . .

So yeah, I’ve lived, had some interesting experiences but what I want is to be happy. Find that other half that is willing to be a partner, make me laugh, doesn’t cheat, lie, do drugs or have more vices than limbs. And no, I am not going to fall over and exclaim, “take me now!” I like fancy dinners but I also like grabbing Krystals. I like a cocktail from time to time but the days of tying one on are long gone (the hangovers are so not worth it anymore). I love sports, sappy movies and crude jokes. I prefer large cities, public transportation and finding the soundbites when politicos start yapping.

But for some reason I don’t think I would get many hits with that profile. So umm, let’s try this:

Goofy blonde with the humor of a 12 year old boy, loves football, hockey and soccer. I like most kinds of music, not a fan of surprises or florist flowers. I am shy until I get comfortable in the situation and I am extremely gun shy when it comes to dating. I am independent and stubborn. My friends are very important to me and if they don’t like you, hit the door jack. . .

Or maybe I should just ask how a hangover is cured. . . .

The One Where It All Starts to Kind of Make Sense

I know that there are mean people in the world, and there are even petty people out there that will just be nasty in order to create drama. I don’t get it but maybe I am naive enough to believe if you are a good person and treat people with kindness, than they should return that back to you as well.

Son came over today for a girls day and it was much need. We talked about stupid choices in our youth, she did call me on some of my issues (I tend to shut down once I get hurt) but she reiterated that in her eyes, I was a strong person who would come back out of this pain with more knowledge and the ability to believe in hope and love.

But then a bomb was dropped that I still can’t get my mind wrapped about. Apparently our friend Allen was a negative butt who wanted a buddy to hang with instead of being along or having to jockey for time between buddy and the girlfriend.

Since it came out of the blue from all those years ago, it is kind of fuzzy but it does make sense. She felt Jorge did what he was told to do but had wanted to come back to me but got a random girl knocked up. If there is any truth to this it validates that I wasn’t crazy. It also shows that Allen needs some serious help. . . .people if your friends want to get in the middle of a relationship and break you up, they are not your friends.

Kind of like when an ex comes up with promises and sells that this, that or the other won’t work, just get rid of her kind of thing.

At some point, the cruelty, the games, the drama will come back to haunt you. I may never be around for it but just know, once again, I can look myself in the mirror and be cool with my reflection. I don’t feel guilt. But I do appreciate the multiple knives in my back. I do prefer higher end knives though, k? Thanks.

I am so grateful to have the family and friends that I have in my life. I will always have moments of stumbling but I am kind and willing to help out if you need anything.

And for my friends dealing with broken marriages, I am sorry you are going through this, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I hope that you all find happiness sooner rather than later.

And if you want, I will go kick their ass.