A Weekend To End All Weekends

I have been literally digging myself out of a hole since late last week. I love it when life gets really busy but as usual I wasn’t prepared for it all. And the result was a very tired, ready to crash and burn me. Last night I took a nap when I got home from work and then was in bed, asleep by 9:30PM and I still had a really tough time getting up this morning.

Friday I didn’t leave the office on time and this forced my timeline of everything I needed to do back by about a couple of hours. I rushed home to get my kitchen supplies and then headed to Stacey’s for a night of baking. I love doing it, it relaxes me and the smells are just wonderful! The downside, being on my feet, on a concrete/tile floor can do all kinds of damage to my legs and back. This is probably one of the main reasons why I have never pursued a career in cooking. My body can’t handle the stress.

I got the cupcakes completed. All from scratch and thank you Magnoila Bakery for providing such a wonderful cookbook. That place is to die for and please, if you ever go to NYC, go there and get a cupcake, it is worth the trip and the wait in line. Trust me on this. I even sent Sonia there while she was in the city to bring back cupcakes for me last year. Umm, yeah, I am a little obsessed.

This is the finished product–Chocolate Cupcakes with vanilla buttercream icing, fondant stained in brown, cutouts of giraffes.

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Then I made for the very first time, Thumbprint Cookies! I used to get these all the time at Village Bake Shop in Cleveland. I love them but I made a couple of mistakes with them but they tasted fine, just need to refine my skills when making these. and a big shoutout to the bakery because when I called them to ask if they put nuts in them, they told me what kind and how they do it. Thank you bakery for helping a very crazy woman out!

Blue and Brown Royal icing on the thumbprints.

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Then on Saturday, I FINALLY finished the diaper cake. I ended up winging it because, well, I didn’t feel like following directions. I ended up being very pleased with how it turned out and I may have found a new calling!

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The shower was fun and everything came off without any problems, thank goodness! I would have crawled underneath a table if something had gone wrong.

Sunday came way too quickly and I drove home to spend a bit of time with my parents. I was looking forward to just sitting around but that is so not me when I go to visit them. On my way home I realized that I should have called Eliot way before I did to see if he had any free time. So at the last minute I called to chat with him and found out he was working so I planned on getting back in my car that evening to drive back to Chattanooga in order to see him. It was great seeing him and I wish we could have visited longer because I always laugh when I am around him.

My mom and I did a little shopping, now most of what I had to get was for work, so no money spent on my behalf but still. I was beat down by the time I climbed into bed, wishing for a massage and possibly a sleeping pill just to really get a good night’s sleep. But no such luck on either.

When I travel for work, I get all confused, especially when I am dealing with the time change. I grew up on Eastern but I really like Central so that is rough, then the whole, I am getting up to go to work and I am in Cleveland! I managed to hit the local (translation: only one) Starbucks on my way out of town and they took forever. They wanted to chat and really, I just wanted my coffee. Unless you can chat and make coffee quickly, then don’t bother. I have to get on the road.

The meeting went well and off I went to make my now famous loop of Middle and East TN. I was so close to the mountains and really wanted to go there instead of back to Nashville but alas, my boss wasn’t agreeable, but then again, my bank account wouldn’t have been either. It was a pipe dream. One of the very few downfalls of living in Nashville, no mountains. A girl grows up around them and starts to miss them from time to time.

I stopped in Cookeville for gas and food as well as a break from driving because I was beyond over it at that point. This whole driving everywhere is for the birds. Another reason why I love NYC and DC~public transportation!

After a very blink and you will miss it weekend, I am looking forward to a lazy weekend coming up, watching football, napping and possibly some really bad tv!

I Saw the Wizard

Being anal retentive sometimes pays off! I got to the theater last night almost two hours ahead of time. Of course, I had The Cook’s Tour by Anthony Bourdain with me to amuse me until they opened the theater. I got there early because I wanted to sit where I wanted to sit, last row, middle. I know I am sick but hey when you are on a date with yourself, you want to impress yourself with how thoughtful you are when choosing a seat.

I sat next to a very sweet lady that was sharing her Wizard of Oz memories. She had watched bits and pieces of it but never completely through until ten years ago! How?! She also mentioned that she has not watched Gone With the Wind through and I told her that was a must. I love that one and am hoping that I will get to see it on the big screen soon. Please put that one back out MGM, pretty please!?

Since I was wanting to impress myself, I bought a diet coke and popcorn. Ugh, popcorn. It is one of those things that I love to hate, it is so good while you are eating it but a couple hours later and things aren’t as pretty as you thought. I sat patiently while the theater filled up and finally!!!! The movie!

It was beautiful, not as crisp as I would have thought but hey, it is 70 years old and remastering it had to have been a booger to deal with. Also, it’s format was not changed, so it would be like trying to watch HD on your non-HD tv;¬†black blocks on either side of the screen.

Overall, a nice evening and I might just go out with myself again. I learned I am a pretty good date!

And with that, the dork is leaving the building!

It’s Still Raining and My Mood is Just as Predictable. . .

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Yep, that is Wookie, from this past Christmas. Stacey and her hubby were helping me get my new tv to my place and setup. Once we did that, we started taking funny pictures and this picture kind of describes my mood right about now. Pissy.

I am tired of the rain, my hair being all kinds of crazy, feeling utterly unattractive and well, pissy because the boy is well, missing from everything. I have my good days and I have my bad days. That t-shirt that I am wearing in the picture? Ole Miss, the boy’s shirt that I acquired after spending the night one night and leaving with it still on. I sleep in it every night. I love that shirt and maybe it is partially because the boy never complained that I took it and would wear it more than anything else. It is big, comfy and some nights, it just helps me. How? I have no idea but I like it and will continue to wear that thing.

Notice the chins??? Yep, that was probably at my biggest this go around. I have gotten rid of several of them and my face has slimmed down. I have hit a plateau in the weight loss battle. I can still say that this is because I had surgery and getting back into the grove was a bit more daunting than I had thought it would be. I am thankful that I didn’t gain weight back. That is a blessing because I was convinced I would balloon right back up since I was out of it for a solid month.

Since the weather is all over the place and when I feel the urge to walk it is normally raining, I have yet to exercise. After my little accident last week of picking up, carrying around boxes that were way too heavy, I have backed off the whole I can do it all, I don’t need your help mentality.

But my mood. . .I really have to snap out of this. I have found myself falling apart at the seams and it is driving me crazy. I just want to be happy. I just want to talk it out with the boy but it is apparent that talking about it is never going to happen. How sucky is that?

I vented way too much to Sonia Sunday. I had just had it, over it, couldn’t deal with one more crappy thing happening to me. And it just keeps coming, just like this rain that I really don’t think will ever go away.

Is the Art of RSVPing Dead?

About three and a half weeks ago I sent out the shower invitations for my friend’s baby shower. I think as of this writing, I have gotten five. FIVE people, that is less than the number of people who have commented on my blog. Which by the way, comment away, even it is negative, I need some feedback.

This leads to all kinds of problems. The food, favors and other goodies that need to be made in advance. . .well, I am just going to guess on those since no one seems to send their yeas or nays into me. And I hate to do that because what if, just what if I end up with either an abundance of leftovers or the food and drinks disappear and some don’t get to eat?

But this does confirm my argument with my boss. We discussed in great detail (again) about putting the RSVP on our event invitations. My boss wanted to have it on there and I didn’t. My point was that with everything else going on and what I need to do, I don’t have time to follow-up and track the RSVPs. I don’t want the receptionist to deal with it because she has enough incoming calls to deal with and corporate doesn’t allow us to have an extra email address to use just for this type of thing (thank goodness). And to top it off, when you are sending out over 1,000 invitations, well, in my nonprofit days, we did the 20% rule. Twenty percent of those invited will show up.

The shower is coming together although I have yet to start baking. . .talk to me Friday night when I start crying over lack of counter space and the need to have tons of counter space. Frosting cupcakes and playing with fondant means you need counter space. Darn it for moving into a smaller place. At least when I was in my other apartment I could use my table to get my decorating skills going.

Now if I could get everyone else to let me know if they are attending, my life would be good. Well kind of. . .

Seriously, You Call That a Weekend?

After what seemed like the longest week in history I was looking forward to a quiet relaxing weekend. Umm, not so much quiet, nor relaxing for my taste.

I left work early in the hopes of running my a friend’s house to check on the cat and dog and getting to the hospital to see Rachel’s latest baby. I did make good time since I took the back roads. All the kiddos were there visiting their mommy and their daddy? Well, he used the time to pick on me and get several death glares from Rachel. That’s the nice thing about having good friends, while one is picking on you the other one comes to your defense!

James did make the mistake of asking the kids if they wanted to go home with me, which got them all riled up, ready to take off with me. We really do need to plan a day where I take them and hangout since it has been quite some time since I have spent quality time with them. Will was the little love bug, as usual and Jake, well, that little man is quite a riot. Such a big boy but full of energy! Little Miss was as cute as ever and I think we finally bonded. She let me hold her and take her to the nursery while her brothers went to the bathroom. We looked at the babies, I pulled out her paci and had thought about asking if she would let me borrow it! But I wouldn’t have won that argument, she loves that thing, just as I did when I was little.

The newest little one is a doll, I love babies just out of the oven, they are just so tiny and sweet. I got to spend a lot of time holding him, taking pictures of him and of course talking to Rachel. I think this was the longest time I have gotten to spend with one of the babies when they are still in the hospital. It was a perfect evening and I didn’t have to hand him off to someone else too often. His big brothers loved kissing on him and I had a lot of fun just taking pictures of all of them. This family is beautiful and they make such pretty babies. Of course when I suggested having another, I got the death glare from Rach. Oops! I couldn’t help but ask. She is a pro at this now!

As she was ordering her dinner, I held little Eli while everyone else had left and then he decided to do what several of my friends’ babies have tried before. . .rooting around for food. Umm, yeah, not really gonna work but hey you gave it your best shot and I got you to your mama before you realized that it would have never worked out!

After that I finally got around to hitting Michael’s to pick up a bunch of stuff for Stacey’s shower. Can I just complain for a moment? I have always loved little girls and until I actually started keeping little boys, did I finally get that having a boy was such a joy. But really? Can’t the stores come up with cute stuff for a boy? Is it that difficult to put together adorable stuff for a boy, decorations, ribbon and whatnot? I was not the happiest camper and after more trips to various stores to pick up this and that for the shower, my point was proven time and time again. I am making the best of it but since it seems that all of my friends produce boys, it would be so nice if the stores would at least be nice enough to produce some cute stuff boy related.

I also saw the death of my not even six month old laptop, again for the second time. It is a Dell, bought from Best Buy. They replaced the hard drive in it last month (yes, I just said last month) and it did the same thing yesterday, so off I went to Best Buy, saying, umm yeah, you fixed this last month and it doesn’t work. . .again. Same issues!!! Can you get this fixed ASAP since I need it? It won’t be ready until next Monday and since it took them over two weeks last time, I have a feeling that it will take them just as long. Thanks Best Buy, thanks Dell. The crappy part? My parents have two identical laptops as well. Do theirs appear to be working, no problems? Yep, no problems, I got the lemon. And I am the one that uses the stupid thing the most.

After cutting my arm off to pay for the blue and brown M&Ms for the shower, after having the visit to Best Buy (aka hell) I decided to hit Five Guys as a pick me up late lunch, early dinner. As I stopped at the four way stop at the Hills Center, getting ready to park, I started to go, because it was my turn. Then this rude guy drives through his stop sign, kind of does this wave thing and I guess thinks that his car doesn’t have to obey traffic laws I get parked, fuming and decide, things can’t get any worse.

And it is already Monday. So not a weekend. I am tired. And next weekend will not be relaxing either. Heading home on Sunday to see the parents before my short drive to Knoxville for a meeting. Gah!!!! Calgon take me away! And if that won’t work, just send the men in the white jackets over, maybe a padded room will help me relax.

I Just Want Some Answers. . .Anyone?

It has been raining here, all week and while I do love seeing the rain, I enjoy it more when I can be at home, on the couch hitting those sleepy pockets in between reading and watching tv. Being in the office, yawning and wondering when it is bedtime is well. . .not ideal to say the least.
After another really long day in the office I realized that tomorrow is Friday!!! Yipee! I am going to enjoy the weekend full of those lazy naps, watching bad tv and some football. I am also going to try and clean the rest of my place. The nice thing is last Sunday I got the urge to clean and managed to pick up all of my clothes that were, let’s say, stratigically placed throughout my little home. I got everything on hangers, organized my closet and actually put things up that had not made it to their rightful home since I had moved. Did I mention that cleaning isn’t my strong suit? Umm, yeah, I can’t help it and since it is just me and the cat than really who cares right?
I have also been teased at work about a little crush I have on a guy who works in the same bulding. Will it go anywhere? Doubtful, I am so not forward and having yet learned had to say goodbye (at least in my heart) to the boy makes me fearful of starting over, yet again. So while it is nice to blush, no let me rephrase that, to turn blood red when this guy crosses my path and my friends tease me about it is very scary for me.
The thought of closing the door on the boy is very hard, I think of him often and sometimes think, maybe, just maybe he will come up on his white horse and say that he can’t stand being away from me and that no matter what, he wants to work things out. Dreaming yes, hell freezing over, that is an even better discription of it.
Friends are having babies left, right and center and here I sit wondering will it ever happen for me? I am great with kids, love them but is it written in God’s story book for me? I have doubts about that and try to strong in terms of trusting Him and knowing that He has everything planned for me and that it will all be a okay.
Work has been stressful and tiring and well, these are the times that I really could use the boy in my life, to talk to him about it. I used to listen to him anout his job, his worries and just be there for him. I often wonder if we were still together if he would have done the same. I like to think so, I like to think that he would sit there, let me vent, smile and say it is all going to work out. I like to think that I could have called him after work tonight and just whisper, I need you, come hold me and he would rush over because if that was what I needed, he would give it to me.
My friends are some of the greatest people I know and I know that when times get tough, they are here for me. But sometimes, just having that special someone that will be there, to say the right things and just hold you are what you need more than anything else.
I am conflicted yet know that it is over but why am I having such a tough time letting go? He let go a long time ago and it breaks my heart. Why do I keep repeating my mistakes? And when will I get my chance to have a happy ending with the person I love and want to be with for the rest of my life? I just want answers.

The End of an Era

Guiding Light is signing off Friday after over 70 years in broadcasting. Yeah, I am talking about it, I grew up on this soap and if anyone wants to make fun of me, well, bring it cause I will take you down.

So as my rattled brain, way too much to do busy life (which is all about work-when did that happen?) self made a point to say “Self, DVR that crap the last week so you can at least see it as it limps off into television history.” Well, what do you know? I totally forgot as I limped home Monday evening and realized that I didn’t set it, so I settled for recording it for the rest of the week. I made the mistake to watch Tuesday and Wednesday’s episodes after work today. And. . .

I cried like a baby. Sure, it was emotional, Alan Spaulding shouldn’t have died. And I am sure I have a ton of other things to say about what I saw but I miss the old GL, the show that told a story and the focus was on that not the roving cameras and outdoor locations. I didn’t like that move when they did it to cut costs.

Of course they are replacing it with a game show. Seriously? A game show? Who does their market research and are these the people who think wearing jhorts is so stylish sharing their opinions of what should be on television. They are probably the same group that said, hey pull Leno from late night and throw him on at 10PM every night. And the ones that said bubble skirts were like so cool in the 80s that they should be brought back to like um, you know wear.

The show was a constant for me growing up. I watched it after school, during the summer and holidays and of course when I was home sick. After college, I would catch it from time to time and then while I was recouping after illnesses and surgery I would watch. The story telling was quite different than how it used to be and it made it difficult to watch but after hitting YouTube this week, I got to relive some of my favorite story lines.

Reva and Josh, man you two had the love of a lifetime and went through a lot but my top clip has to be Reva declaring herself the Slut of Springfield. Something that I didn’t quite understand when I was younger but now, I have some perspective.

Good night GL, thanks for making all those memories and I hate that the tv execs decided to cut you. That is a shame.

A Good Deed Done

One of the cool things about where I work is the staff events we hold throughout the year. I normally get to be a part of most of planning portion of the events and I think my dad wonders if I actually do any work. I do, trust we all do but we do take time to celebrate the holidays, the start of football season and everything else under the sun. We love to eat as well, so there are plenty of times when a few coworkers get together and plan a potluck of sorts. I think I like the breakfast ones the best.

This year we were given the opportunity to contribute money from our company as well as our time to a charity or nonprofit of our choice. Two were chosen and those that wanted to volunteer could do so, taking a portion of our workday to go offsite and volunteer. I went today, to put in my time and learned about a great organization in Nashville.

Second Harvest of Nashville is our local food bank, it services all of middle Tennessee, providing food supplies to organizations that help feed those who are in need. They also have a program that provides children who are free or reduced lunches food for the weekend, allowing the teachers to discretely place the food packages in their backpacks.

Our job today, after getting a tour of the place, was to sort food and box the food up. I was quite tired and very sweaty once we were done but it felt good to contribute to the city I call home. It was manual labor that didn’t require a lot of brain power and allowed each of us to unwind a bit after a hectic day.

At this time, I would love to be able to come up with a way that once a month, we could rotate a team through there to help, they always need help sorting and boxing. They also have set aside Fridays to allow anyone in the community to come there to eat by a former chef/local restaurant owner. The cost? Twelve bucks, all you can eat; a great deal and I have had this chef’s food, so I know it would be tasty and be worth the cost and it would actually go towards a good cause.

Not having money to donate to every good cause that comes through my mailbox or door makes me feel guilty but I think that giving up a few hours a month to sort and box sounds like a good replacement. Plus, it wore me out and I just might get a decent night’s sleep.

Taylor Swift’s Moment Ruined by Petulant Rapper

After a fun afternoon, evening spending time with a friend who I hadn’t seen in years, I tripped off to take care of business and then watch part of the VMAs. I knew that an early bedtime was in store for me, but I wanted to see the tribute that has been touted for a few weeks for Michael Jackson.

I was impressed and smiled at the memories that came to me after watching the videos, especially Mark Goodman’s voice and the old MTV~the one I grew up with. The dancing, wonderful, the set, inspired, Janet coming on stage to sing their song, priceless. So as I was checking some blogs out, I kept the show on and that was a mistake.

Best Female Video Award was the first and the nominees are all wonderful but I was sitting on the couch, hoping that maybe little miss Taylor would win. A long shot for sure, she is country after all. Even with the collaboration with T-Pain for the CMA awards (rapping with all her 19 year old angst) didn’t make Swift an obvious choice for Best Female Video.

But then the winner was annouced and OMG! Taylor won!!! The Brad Schmidt “there’s always a Nashville connection” mantra shown brightly in the form of a very stunned, very excited and very humble young lady. She admitted that she didn’t think she would win on stage, saying, I’m country. Everyone in the audience was smiling and you could tell that even they were charmed by her awe schucks attitude. Then. . .

Let me rant for just a second. . .that egotistical, full of crap, everyone must hear me petulant child, Kanye West ran up, took the mike and decided that HIS opinion clearly meant more than anyone elses. He took Taylor’s moment from her, marred it like an ex did my moment graduating high school. That moment will always be tied to her winning a Moon Man and why? Because Kanye believes if the world’s focus is not on him at every second of everyday, then the world is wrong.

And his apology, in all caps (anger management might be a good thing for you buddy since you scream in every blog you post, and you say you are educated?) seemed insincere and didn’t really deal with the fact that when things do not go his way (at least in that very warped mind of his) then he must pitch a fit and scream like a three year old until someone pays attention. Timeouts, grounding or spanking seem like ideal punishments since apparently he doesn’t understand how to control his emotions.

Kanye, let me communicate to you the way you communicate to the world:

YOU RUINED A MOMENT THAT WAS EARNED, THAT’S RIGHT, I SAID EARNED BY MISS SWIFT. SHE DIDN’T PAY OFF THE JUDGES, SHE DIDN’T TAKE OUT BEYONCE, SHE WAS VOTED TO HAVE THE BEST FEMALE VIDEO. SHE IS TALENTED AND YOUR APOLOGIES AFTER THE FACT COULD HAVE BEEN SAVED HAD YOU USED THE BRAIN THAT GOD GAVE YOU TO THINK ABOUT YOUR ACTIONS BEFORE YOU TOOK OFF AND GRABBED THAT MIC. DID YOU THINK PEOPLE WOULD APPAULD YOU FOR THAT CHILDISH BEHAVIOR? WERE YOU TRYING TO MAKE IT A BLACK/WHITE ISSUE? BECAUSE IT IS NOT ABOUT RACE, IT IS ABOUT TALENT AND WHAT PEOPLE THOUGHT OF THE VIDEOS, THEY DID NOT PERSONALLY COME TO YOU TO GET YOUR THOUGHTS. IF YOU THINK IT WAS WRONG, CREATE YOUR OWN AWARDS SHOW WHERE YOU CAN HONOR YOURSELF ALL NIGHT LONG AND WHOEVER ELSE YOU WANT TO HONOR. I HAVE DELETED WHAT FEW SONGS I HAVE BOUGHT OFF OF ITUNES THAT INCLUDE YOU, I DON’T WANT THEM, YOUR ACTIONS MAKE ME THINK LESS OF YOU AS AN ARTIST. FOR RIGHT NOW, YOU ARE JUST A PESKY LITTLE CHILD WHO DID NOT LEARN MANNERS, PROFESSIONALISM AND COMMON COURTESY. CONGRATS FOR SHOWING YOUR BUTT AGAIN.

Okay, I feel better now.

Congrats Taylor, Nashville is proud for the way you handled the whole situation, with grace, professionalism and you then gave a knock out performance that just went on to prove to those in Radio City Music Hall and the world that you have talent, no matter what that idiot thinks.

Things That Should Not Be Shared

I am a big over sharer. You want to know about my surgery, I will tell you in detail and even share pictures. You want to know about past loves lost, if you have the time, I have the stories for you. Gas, poop, food that has attacked me after eating it, yeah, I will tell you.

I don’t know where I got this from because while my dad is all about laughing about farts and poop, it isn’t something that he just runs out to share with just anyone. My mom, I think she would rather be force fed green veggies than share anything that is deemed gross, with anyone. But me? With the exception of farting in front of people (which I will not do, I’d rather blow up than toot in someone’s presence) I don’t have an issue with burping and being proud when it is a good one or talking to friends about our poop issues.

A few coworkers and I joke about poop all the time, we have issues with taking care of business on our own floor so we run to another to do the deed. We laugh when we haven’t had one in a few days (which can really mess up a girl’s day) and have been known to look on in awe when someone states they have pooped three times already.

My stomach used to be really nice and not attack me when I select random foods to eat then my gall bladder decided to act up and now, well let’s just say I love salads, tomatoes and watermelon but know that I will pay a very high price for eating any of it. In hindsight, I think I would have rather taken my chances with gall stones blocking bile ducts than have it out and know that those yummy, healthy foods would hurt me more than the attacks I used to have.

Then there is my most recent surgery (apparently I fell apart as I approached 29, no surgeries before that). I had been very open with everyone, I mean, seriously, it is a fibroid, not a map to get the golden ticket. But I forgot to tell Gardner the details and I could have sworn that I had told him. . .and that is when he came up with the joke. To him, since I hadn’t shared in detail my surgery, it was my foot that was being operated on. He shared this gemstone with Amy and then beckoned me down to where they were to ask me about my foot. Umm, what in the name of all things holy are you asking about Gardner? That is when he showed his displeasure in me not sharing my ailment with him. So I told him and the look on his face was priceless.

He decided to keep up the foot joke, asking when I would be able to walk on it again and since then, we have decided that all ailments should be about the foot. So when he had a procedure done on Friday, I told him the day before that I hoped his foot would be a okay. He laughed.

Then he started in on me about a small crush on a guy that works in my building that I have said maybe three words to, I do not know his name, age or anything else for that matter. I have seen him around but he seems really shy and well, let’s just say that I don’t make the first move. People often shake their heads at me when I say that I am really shy. Umm, seriously, I am. Until I am comfortable, I don’t say a whole lot, usually consider that most people would not like me, therefore, I stay quiet. Oh and I turn red, bright red.

Gardner had me in tears laughing so hard and turning bright red with all of his thoughts of what he would say to get me to talk to this guy. Umm, yeah, that is not going to happen. In fact, after sitting outside chatting with Gardner and Amy, he walks out, so what do I do. I hightail it back in, faster than a speeding bullet. All the while, I can feel my face burning, my heart racing and knowing without a doubt that he probably looks at me and thinks, what a loser. And I was trying to not draw attention to me, Amy and Gardner are calling out to me trying to get me to wait on them and do I? NO! I want to go back to my cubicle and crawl under the mess that my boss wants to organize and stay there. Kind of funny? Yes.

Then they are sharing the story with others because, hey embarrassing Amy is on the list of things to do and if we don’t she will do it herself so. . .D is laughing at me and then stops in her tracks when I say I am shy. According to her, that is the last word she would ever us to describe me. Well, surprise, surprise, that is one word that can describe me to a fault.

Then there is the look given by Stacey when I say something that is deserving of a slap across the face. Her hubby is picking on me because I am wearing the jersey they got me. Then I mention that Friday is Tailgate Day in the office and most will wear their college of choice. She looks at me for a moment, a look that has been given by my mother too many times to count, one that says I am getting ready to knock some sense into you and then asks what I am wearing to work then. Umm, in the smallest voice ever, I whisper Ole Miss. It is a polo shirt I bought last year, when I was at a game and the weather was all kinds of mixed up, so I had a sweater on and it was blazing hot. So off came the sweater and the newly purchased shirt was put on instead. I like the shirt and wanted to wear it. I don’t have any Georgia stuff, so it made sense.

I could have just said I didn’t know but I shared because that is what I do. I open my mouth and whatever is on my brain comes out. I get that people think I am pathetic that I still wear Ole Miss stuff, that I still think of him and that there is still a part of me that just wants him back. I get that I haven’t moved on and he probably has, which makes me feel like an even bigger loser. And then, while trying not to get all girly emotional about that stupid polo shirt, Stac just says that it bugs her that he didn’t fight and that since I can’t get angry, she does it for me.

I appreciate my friends for trying to kick my ass back into my normal self and to say enough is enough. I have good days and I have bad ones. Some days I catch a glimpse of my little crush and smile but then I let those horrible thoughts come into play. And that is what I am sharing today, those horrible little thoughts that jump around in my brain. I should really charge admission for it because I could make some money off of it. I think I am too fat, too short, look stupid in this outfit or that, that I am not smart enough or funny enough. I look back at all of my relationships and convince myself that it had to be all my fault.Especially when most are in normal functioning relationships again. Some even left me and the proposed to the next girl. And then I get into the whole, I must have been a really horrible person at some point and time because I am single.

So yeah, there are the scary parts of my brain. You may be running for the nearest exit at this point. Just don’t trip over anything because I don’t have the money to pay for the lawsuit. Okay?

Now to figure out if I am wearing my Steelers jersey today because apparently that made me look really thin on Thursday! And a girl will take whatever compliment she can get!