Something about it is easier to be killed by a terrorist than a woman over 35 to get married? From the movie Sleepless in Seattle.
That line was funny when the movie first came out and I wasn’t really thinking about marriage and now, we have had terrorist attacks on US soil, I am 35 and dating seems like such a far off deal. I have had six (Patrick, David, Chad, Mike, George and Scott) long term relationships in my life. The last two sent me into a tailspin because I finally allowed myself to really give myself to them and fall in love. The first two? High school. The middle two? College. And let’s just say that Mike wasn’t the healthiest of relationships and leave it at that.
It took until I was 30 to finally really feel in love, why? Not sure. Part was probably maturity and not really knowing me. I have always maintained that your 20s are for getting to know yourself, have fun and meet people. Some of my friends got married in their 20s and they are still happily married, others have gotten a divorce. So I think it takes all kinds and I am a slow learner in terms of love and relationships. I can own up to that and while some might think it is crazy, I honestly don’t think if I had gotten married in my 20s it would have worked out. I had so much to learn about myself.
Now that I am ready, know who I am as a person, finding that person is apparently harder than getting through a day without tripping over myself (and I do that way too often). Sonia says that the two years I was on my own after George really grounded me, allowed me to figure out what I want and don’t want in a partner. And I have quite a bit of fun those two years, well once I crawled out of my deep dark hole of depression.
As I mentioned in my previous post, no guy that I have dated has gotten close to proposing. I had conversations with four of them and while some said the right things, their actions spoke volumes. I have friends that have been proposed to several times. I have friends that have gone from one relationship to the other and BAM! they are living together, planning their lives and planning a wedding.
Those days where I dreamed of a guy getting down on one knee, little velvet black box with shiny diamond in, uttering those four little words and well you get the picture. Now, I would be satisfied with a shiny piece of tin foil made into a ring and the guy saying, so, you wanna? It used to be dreaming of the dress, the cake, flowers and vows. Now, let’s just go to the courthouse, exchange vows and just concentrate on being married and building a life together. Wedding showers and parties? Forget it. At this point, I just want to find the one, the one that will support me, love me, care for me, be silly with me, respect me and in turn, I will do the same.
Wow, my mom and dad would be relieved if this is how it happened. Sure, the dream of being a princess for a day is still enticing but the reality is I just want a man that is willing to commit. To me. I don’t get what it is that makes guys I date decide that dating for a long time is fine but getting married is out of the question. If friends were asked what I was like, they would say, happy, silly, unselfish, always willing to lend a hand, creative, can cook but can’t clean for shit. I can be moody, I can wear my heart on my sleeve but I have gotten to the point where I can give my whole self to a guy. I will listen, share and be there when things are crappy. Most of the time I put their needs ahead of mine. I don’t push to get my way, don’t threaten to get my way and am pretty flexible about where to eat or what to do. I love football, understand guy time and get that sometimes, you just need a little space to just do.
It is 2009 and I am still dating and in the words of Charlotte: I’ve been dating since I was 15, where is he???
Sorry, too much Sex and the City for this girl. I can’t help it.
So men and women, what made you know your partner was the one? What am I doing wrong? And finally, where did you meet your partner?