I am a big over sharer. You want to know about my surgery, I will tell you in detail and even share pictures. You want to know about past loves lost, if you have the time, I have the stories for you. Gas, poop, food that has attacked me after eating it, yeah, I will tell you.
I don’t know where I got this from because while my dad is all about laughing about farts and poop, it isn’t something that he just runs out to share with just anyone. My mom, I think she would rather be force fed green veggies than share anything that is deemed gross, with anyone. But me? With the exception of farting in front of people (which I will not do, I’d rather blow up than toot in someone’s presence) I don’t have an issue with burping and being proud when it is a good one or talking to friends about our poop issues.
A few coworkers and I joke about poop all the time, we have issues with taking care of business on our own floor so we run to another to do the deed. We laugh when we haven’t had one in a few days (which can really mess up a girl’s day) and have been known to look on in awe when someone states they have pooped three times already.
My stomach used to be really nice and not attack me when I select random foods to eat then my gall bladder decided to act up and now, well let’s just say I love salads, tomatoes and watermelon but know that I will pay a very high price for eating any of it. In hindsight, I think I would have rather taken my chances with gall stones blocking bile ducts than have it out and know that those yummy, healthy foods would hurt me more than the attacks I used to have.
Then there is my most recent surgery (apparently I fell apart as I approached 29, no surgeries before that). I had been very open with everyone, I mean, seriously, it is a fibroid, not a map to get the golden ticket. But I forgot to tell Gardner the details and I could have sworn that I had told him. . .and that is when he came up with the joke. To him, since I hadn’t shared in detail my surgery, it was my foot that was being operated on. He shared this gemstone with Amy and then beckoned me down to where they were to ask me about my foot. Umm, what in the name of all things holy are you asking about Gardner? That is when he showed his displeasure in me not sharing my ailment with him. So I told him and the look on his face was priceless.
He decided to keep up the foot joke, asking when I would be able to walk on it again and since then, we have decided that all ailments should be about the foot. So when he had a procedure done on Friday, I told him the day before that I hoped his foot would be a okay. He laughed.
Then he started in on me about a small crush on a guy that works in my building that I have said maybe three words to, I do not know his name, age or anything else for that matter. I have seen him around but he seems really shy and well, let’s just say that I don’t make the first move. People often shake their heads at me when I say that I am really shy. Umm, seriously, I am. Until I am comfortable, I don’t say a whole lot, usually consider that most people would not like me, therefore, I stay quiet. Oh and I turn red, bright red.
Gardner had me in tears laughing so hard and turning bright red with all of his thoughts of what he would say to get me to talk to this guy. Umm, yeah, that is not going to happen. In fact, after sitting outside chatting with Gardner and Amy, he walks out, so what do I do. I hightail it back in, faster than a speeding bullet. All the while, I can feel my face burning, my heart racing and knowing without a doubt that he probably looks at me and thinks, what a loser. And I was trying to not draw attention to me, Amy and Gardner are calling out to me trying to get me to wait on them and do I? NO! I want to go back to my cubicle and crawl under the mess that my boss wants to organize and stay there. Kind of funny? Yes.
Then they are sharing the story with others because, hey embarrassing Amy is on the list of things to do and if we don’t she will do it herself so. . .D is laughing at me and then stops in her tracks when I say I am shy. According to her, that is the last word she would ever us to describe me. Well, surprise, surprise, that is one word that can describe me to a fault.
Then there is the look given by Stacey when I say something that is deserving of a slap across the face. Her hubby is picking on me because I am wearing the jersey they got me. Then I mention that Friday is Tailgate Day in the office and most will wear their college of choice. She looks at me for a moment, a look that has been given by my mother too many times to count, one that says I am getting ready to knock some sense into you and then asks what I am wearing to work then. Umm, in the smallest voice ever, I whisper Ole Miss. It is a polo shirt I bought last year, when I was at a game and the weather was all kinds of mixed up, so I had a sweater on and it was blazing hot. So off came the sweater and the newly purchased shirt was put on instead. I like the shirt and wanted to wear it. I don’t have any Georgia stuff, so it made sense.
I could have just said I didn’t know but I shared because that is what I do. I open my mouth and whatever is on my brain comes out. I get that people think I am pathetic that I still wear Ole Miss stuff, that I still think of him and that there is still a part of me that just wants him back. I get that I haven’t moved on and he probably has, which makes me feel like an even bigger loser. And then, while trying not to get all girly emotional about that stupid polo shirt, Stac just says that it bugs her that he didn’t fight and that since I can’t get angry, she does it for me.
I appreciate my friends for trying to kick my ass back into my normal self and to say enough is enough. I have good days and I have bad ones. Some days I catch a glimpse of my little crush and smile but then I let those horrible thoughts come into play. And that is what I am sharing today, those horrible little thoughts that jump around in my brain. I should really charge admission for it because I could make some money off of it. I think I am too fat, too short, look stupid in this outfit or that, that I am not smart enough or funny enough. I look back at all of my relationships and convince myself that it had to be all my fault.Especially when most are in normal functioning relationships again. Some even left me and the proposed to the next girl. And then I get into the whole, I must have been a really horrible person at some point and time because I am single.
So yeah, there are the scary parts of my brain. You may be running for the nearest exit at this point. Just don’t trip over anything because I don’t have the money to pay for the lawsuit. Okay?
Now to figure out if I am wearing my Steelers jersey today because apparently that made me look really thin on Thursday! And a girl will take whatever compliment she can get!