Just about to put another Monday in the record books. I was hitting the hay last night after my Steelers pulled out a win (thank goodness, cause I was getting ready to full out cry if they lost) when I started to feel this horrible shooting pain in my lower right side.
I managed to get some sleep but this morning it was still there, making getting ready for work and actually walking to my car kind of painful. I was kind of figuring that since I was off the pill that maybe I was ovulating but really, that can’t really hurt that bad can it? This was the kind of shooting pain that made me stop a couple of times in order to breathe through the pain.
I figured I had my recheck pap this morning so I could ask my doctor about it just to make sure but the couple of hours leading up to it wasn’t pretty. I had seriously thought about calling my boss and saying I would be in after the appointment in order to try and relax but opted to work through the pain.
Before I headed out of the office to do some errands for the event I am planning at work and then go to the doctor I got an email about a coworker passing away. She had cancer.
Ms. B had retired officially in July but while she was going to chemo earlier in the year, she would still try to come into the office to work some. A very sweet lady who gave her all to our agency. Her mom is still living but when we saw her at Ms. B’s retirement gathering you could tell that her daughter’s illness was bothering her. Ms. P is probably in her 80s and was very close to her daughter. I think what bothered me more than her passing was knowing that Ms. P was left to bury her daughter and deal with the aftermath that many families of cancer deal with. The uncertainty, the pain and the feeling of helplessness.
Had I not had to go out of the office shortly after learning of her passing I would have just sat there and cried. She was a good woman, a good worker and the producers all adored her. We are burying her Thursday. I can handle that but having to go and see Ms. P is what is going to bother me. What do you say? What can you say that doesn’t sound cliche’?
At my appointment, my doctor confirmed that I am just ovulating (nice huh) and that I will have my pap results next week (hopefully). And she is hoping that I get the all clear this time, because if not, I have to go back for another biopsy and go from there. As I said to a coworker this morning, this must be the year of the who-haa because I feel like I have spent most of the year dealing with abnormal paps, fibroids and endometreious. And I haven’t even gotten to the point where I have a husband and am trying for a child.
This Monday is thankfully over with and I hope that no more bad news is coming my way because I don’t think I can handle it.
Stumbling Through Life 