This past week has been trying. I feel like I am walking a very slow pace while time is running by like it just had a shot of Red Bull. And it isn’t pretty.
A coworker loaned me a book this week. The Purpose Driven Life. I have been instructed to read it daily, one chapter at a time. That is hard for me to do. I am that person that reads a book from cover to cover in a day and a half.
But Chapter One has proved to be bigger than me. Because it isn’t about me. It is about our purpose, God’s plan that was designed way before I ever came into this world. It got me thinking though.
As I visited a local charity this past week, the point was driven in a harder than I was expecting. Along with a charity drive at work that had me in tears when I got back to my desk. People have it worse than me. I know that, have always known that but the reality is, we all tend to focus on what is wrong in our lives instead of be grateful for what we have.
Sure, I don’t have a spouse or a house nor do I have one of those high paying fab jobs. But I do have a job, one that I enjoy. I can pay the bills and sometimes even splurge on some great new clothes. I wish I could donate money to all the charities but instead I should just push myself to volunteer my time.
I have read numerous blogs that discuss their struggles. Struggling to get pregnant, struggling to bring their sick baby home or worse, having to bury their child, loss of jobs, homes, etc. These women handle it all with grace and determination.
And here I am feeling like a big ole loser because I can’t find a date. I couldn’t buy a date if my life depended on it. How can I turn my life around? How can I make it through my issues with grace like I have seen others do?
I was in the shower this morning and thinking (apparently I get all of my great ideas in there). I started to do that laugh/cry thing. And it was all about the boy. Delusional would be the best description of me, in the shower, this morning. I was having this conversation in my head that the boy had realized that I was missing in his life and that he wanted to work it out.
Yep, go ahead and laugh. Like I said, I am delusional. And then after pulling myself together I repeated “It’s not all about me.” It isn’t and I have to learn and accept that. I have to figure out how to make me happy and accept that having a family might not happen.
Of course it doesn’t help when I am talking to mom on the phone that I mention I am getting toliet bowl cleaner. Since I rarely clean (really, no one comes over, it is just me and the cat-like he cares) mom makes sure to point out that maybe that is why I don’t have a boyfriend. Yep, that has to be the reason. . .
Just keep chanting, it’s not all about me, it’s not all about me. . .