Contemplating Some Changes


Last year, about this time, I had made a statement to a friend that if things didn’t work out with the boy that I really needed to move elsewhere. As in, leave Nashville. As my bad luck would have it. . .it didn’t work out. I was only a few short months into my new lease and was thinking well, maybe things will work back out and the need to move won’t happen.

I have been miserable for almost six months now. I have spent probably more time crying and beating myself up over this failure than I have anything else in my life. My close group of friends have busy lives and I don’t fit into their lifestyles anymore. I don’t blame them, I am certainly not mad at them but I am miserable. If I am not at work, I am at home, alone. I don’t like this feeling, sick of just sitting there and even more tired of hearing, it will happen. Or, get back online. Or, you made the right decision.

I didn’t make the right decision and I am finding myself go deeper into that horrible hole of despair. I am not sure how to overcome any of this. Reaching out to the boy is a no go. He has made it very clear with his silence that I am yesterday’s news.

So, yesterday, after having a friend disappear without a word on a night when we were going out, I sat there and thought. Thought about what changes I could make, what I could do to try to stop this freefall into depression. I started looking at jobs within my company that are located elsewhere.

I think I might have found one I want to apply to, now I just need to really think about it, talk to my boss to let him know what I am considering and then pull the triger. It would be back in a small town, but different state. It would put me closer to a city I adore and the money would be a bit better as well as cost of living looks to be lower than here.

It may sound like I am running away from my problems but I feel like there is nothing and no one here in this city that I can turn to or should an emergency arise, I could get a hold of them. I have always used the excuse that I am so tied down to Nashville, so I could never move. Often thinking of friends and then thinking that they would be so sad to see me go (sure, they might but their worlds aren’t going to fall apart, mine? There isn’t much left of it).

I am scared to pull the triger, I am terrified of change and part of me still clinges in that delusional sort of way to the hope that the boy still loves me. But the other side of the coin is, I literally would be less than three hours from DC, I could spend weekends there, traipsing through the museums. I could hit Reston for the shopping and I could even consider a trip via the train in DC to NYC. Bringing me a little bit closer to my all time favorite city.

So off to ponder, pray and cry about it. I swear, my eyes have gotten quite the workout as of late, puffyness doesn’t pay.

 

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Author:

What you see is what you get; I am a Nashville girl who is single, again. I use the blog to get my inner, tortured, wanna be writer angst out. One day I just may write a book. I have been stumbling through life for 43 years now, I love to cook, read and figure out more embarrassing ways I can either harm myself (thank you hula hoop of 2010 and the case of the thrown back) or just prove how inept I am at household chores and dieting. The people you read about on here are real but most have had their names changed to protect the innocent and not so innocent. And I really should make a list of them so I can remember! Enjoy, read, mock, laugh and comment, it really isn't difficult. Plus, I would prefer reading comments from real people as opposed to the weird spam comments I keep getting. Plus, I will always find the hardest path to follow and take that one, why would anyone want to take the easy way?!

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