As silly as I can be sometimes or even laid back there is a part of me that craves routine. I wish I could be that person that just rolls with it and never worries about what the day might bring. I am a planner and even that can be overwhelming at times.
Since my move, it seems like my life revolves around trying to find that rhythm to make it just a bit easier to handle all of the change. The hardest part is definitely the time change. Having lived on Central time for the past ten years has been like a little slice of heaven. It is weird that I grew up on Eastern time but am having the hardest time adjusting back. My shows now come on at 8 and that just messes my whole life up. I was also used to a different work schedule where I would be done and out the door at 4 instead of 4:30. And to add to the messiness that is my life now, I have a much longer commute that eats away at my time.
I am slowly getting back into cooking dinner for myself. When I lived in my much smaller apartment, the kitchen was tiny. It wasn’t a haven to cook in and more often than not, I found myself picking up dinner or eating something so easy that cooking was the last thing I wanted to do. Now my new kitchen is much larger, easy to prepare the Julia recipes when I am in the mood but I still feel like picking up dinner is easier. Cooking helps me relax but I find myself in a bit of depression since I am no longer home.
I have also been obsessed with planning my trips back home. It is looking like I will be going back monthly just so I can feel “normal” for a brief moment. Mom actually got onto me for not trying here and focusing so much attention on visits home. In fact, it was all about me needing to make friends here. I am sure I will at some point but those friends in Nashville, my home? Those are the people that I spent ten years with, the ones that have seen me at my best and my worst. They have laughed with me, at me and cried with me as well. There is a lot of history and love there and leaving was beyond the hardest thing I have had to do as of late.
I did get a call from the boy a couple of weeks ago, in short, he said something that I had been waiting for but it all came from a place where the girl he is now with has been horrible. Of course, he wanted to see me when I was up for a visit but then changed his mind after a million promises were made by said girl to be better. Umm, yeah, good luck with that. There is a reason I am not with a my friend that is an ex anymore. They don’t change. But what he failed to realize was those hours of conversation and then his change of heart gave me closure. And made me see him in a light that isn’t all that positive. Thank you for that, because that is what I needed to close the door, erase the memories and move forward.
But my routine? It is all over the place. I am working on trying to come up with a somewhat set schedule that allows me the time to get things done, relax and on occasion stumble through life. Work is nice but it isn’t the same as when I was home. And that warm, fuzzy feeling I had when I was there started the moment I walked in for the interview. It didn’t take time and it wasn’t something that just grew on me, it was the instant I walked into the door and met my boss.
I did manage to get out yesterday, visit Granny and Eliot. It was nice seeing both but as I was driving to Eliot’s place of employment I felt like a stranger in my new city. Sure, I can find my way around and all of it is slowly coming back to me but it felt weird.
I am expecting guests the next couple of weekends, a little bit of home brought to me by loving friends. I am excited to see them, to venture out to see what this place has to offer as well as spending time with each of them. I am also quite ready to go home for a visit. To see everyone, to laugh till my stomach hurts but mainly just to sit back, relax, smile and know that I still belong in that big city.
And here is hoping that my new routine includes me sitting down more often to blog. While I may not have a ton of readers, this is a great outlet for me. And if you have any thoughts you would like to share, leave a comment. I do enjoy reading them.
Stumbling Through Life 