Running Around With My Head Cut Off

At least that is what it seems like the past few weeks. My second job is going well and while I seem to hit the brick wall from time to time due to exhaustion, I am quite proud that I have been handling it well. I just keep reminding myself why I am doing this and that in the end, a couple of months of extra work isn’t so bad.

The kids are kind of funny to be around because at times I just cannot relate to them, even trying to go back to when I was there age. I guess I was shelter growing up plus I wasn’t that wild of a child. Strong willed, no doubt but I wasn’t trying to do all the adult things that they are doing. And the age of the internet was just beginning, a fact that I am thankful for, considering they have no censor chip when it comes to Facebook and the like.

I also had a friend whom I haven’t spoken to in some time contact me. An ex that at one point we tried to be friends but it has become clear to me that there was a reason we didn’t work out nor would a friendship be in the best interest to either of us. Listening to him pour his heart out about how wronged he have been done by his latest girlfriend showcased a part of his personality that didn’t make him all that attractive nor someone that I would want to spend time listening to.

As per usual, he spent the time on the phone whining about his hurts, his frustrations, vilifying her while in the same breath trying to state that this relationship had it’s good points. The one thing that I have learned from all of my past failures has been to ask myself this question:

Overall, was I happy/content with the relationship?

If I couldn’t say yes, then I knew it was right to move forward without that person in my life. And let’s face it, a relationship has it’s ups and downs but even when the chips are down, you are content to be with that person. The love you have for him makes you want to move forward with them not alone.

It is never fun to realize that a partner or even a friend isn’t good for you but setting yourself free makes you realize how lucky you are to have those friends who care about you, that come running when you need help, that cry with you when you are sad and laugh with you at some of the stupid choices you have made in the past.

Having a second job that allows you to take that energy, sweat it out for a few hours and then come home exhausted has also helped. At times I just want to quit effectively immediately but then I realize that part of my problem since moving has been hiding out. To ignore the fact that I am in fact, here and not in Nashville. While this job certainly won’t be my crowning jewel in socializing, it has gotten me out of the house, talking to people I normally wouldn’t have the opportunity to talk to and made me see that while it stinks, literally to smell like food, it has given me something else to do instead of hiding out.

I have a few things on my social agenda for the summer and I cannot wait to start planning my trips to Nashville to join in with my friends and celebrate! Sonia has a birthday, Meg has a wedding along with some showers and I have some grilling that I need to do with my friends.

June is also a good month for me because I will have paid off my credit card debt! Something that I am hoping I never, never do again. And that will allow me to start planning in earnest my vacation in December. So many things to see and do! I also want to go down to Atlanta at some point to visit Ikea, a store that I have never been in before.

So while I feel like i am being pulled in two very different directions, the good news is that I know I can handle it, the extra money is always a plus and it will make me a better person. Sometimes having to sacrifice the small things in the short run make the payoff in the long run even sweeter.

Bussing Tables

I took on a second job this past week, one that is filled with hard work and lots of young people. It’s a friend’s restaurant, so while I can provide hard work and no drama, it is also a great way to earn a little extra cash and workout. Because I am getting a great workout from slinging dishes!

The kids that work there are probably no different than those I grew up with when I was younger. Although I seem to think that kids today grow up way too fast. It also reminds me how lucky I was to have parents that said don’t work while you are in high school. I didn’t have my first job until I graduated from high school and even then, it was as a Girl Friday for an orthodontist, not exactly backbreaking work.

It also underscores the small town mentality that is prevalent back home. There is one kid who, at 19, is expecting his first child in July. They scratch their heads with puzzling looks at why I moved away at 21. While many of friend has moved back or never left, saying it is a great place to raise a family, I still balk at that statement. I want to raise my hypothetical kids in a city. One that has something to offer them, to challenge them as well as allow them to learn that not everybody is kind. I got my first taste of this when I visited NYC for the first time. One night, some of my friends witnessed a priest being mugged right outside of our hotel. I was also made aware of how things are different in larger cities while heading to my internship in college. A funeral procession was coming down Briley and I made the mistake of slowing down, ready to pull off as a sign of respect. They don’t really do that in Nashville or at least on the main roads.

The kids talk of drinking and sex like that is a normal part of their lives. I just stood there in awe of how much they are missing out on. They act as if they are in their late 20s, saying things that they think will impress others. I wasn’t impressed nor was I convinced that they “get” the consequences of their actions.

I will be honest, I drank before I was 21 but it was an rare occasions. I was a late bloomer in a lot of areas. But I did have the guidance of a great friend who was a few years older that made me understand that you always have to be responsible.

A good friend of mine laments that she worries for her daughters and the pitfalls of temptations of growing up too fast. I told her that it is a case of being open and honest with them. To explain that there are consequences to their actions and not to be afraid to discuss those embarrassing issues, like sex, to them. A thirty minute, embarrassing conversation about sex is a whole lot better than being told by one of her daughters that she is pregnant.

As much as I would love to sit them down and tell them the truth, the things that I learned when I was younger, I know they won’t listen. The girls think that they are cute, provocative and alluring. The boys think they are macho. The 19 year old that is about to become a father, just shrugs it off, saying, my parents are your age. . . yep, they are and I can bet that if they had it to do over again, they would probably think twice about it. He thinks that knocking a girl up makes him a stud. I see it as a kid that is now forced to grow up quickly and realize that he is going to miss some of the fun that could have been because he has to support a baby on minimum wage.

So for now, I am going to bust my butt and bus those tables. Reminding myself that it is a great workout and a great way to fend off any cravings of pizza. And cringe every time I have to put on those ugly work shoes. . .

Wish List

I remember making wish lists like it was yesterday, oh wait, it was! I still put together a list for my parents when it comes to Christmas and the response is, “Gee Amy, why don’t you give us a list of things you don’t want!” Yeah, I know. It’s bad. My shopping addiction has caused me a lot of grief but I am finally getting the hang of it and realizing that I don’t need half the things I want.

BUT, there are a few things that I would love to buy and plan on buying in the next year or so. Items that I would love to shrug off to my parents but hey, money doesn’t grow on trees and quite frankly, it would be hard to justify these big ticket items.

As you all know, I am heading up to NYC in December. Now normal people plan vacations during the summer, to tropical locations and spend their vacation relaxing with a nice cold cocktail next to them. Me? I pack layers of clothes, hats, gloves and scarves to head up north to basically run around like a fool forĀ  a week. I get minimal sleep while I am up there because there is never enough time to see everything I want to see, hence the multiple trips to the same place.

I started planning my trip because I am anal like that and started to think about all the lovely pictures I could take with a digital SLR. Of course, those don’t come cheap. And I haven’t even started really researching them so I put that on my list to purchase in the future knowing that my handy dandy digital slim shot will get the job done. For now.

Next up is something that I have wanted for years, something that I know my parents and I do not see eye to eye on. I want a MacBook. Ideally, I would love to have it before I head up to NYC but right now I am going to focus on it possibly being a birthday present to myself next year. I am either going Pro or AirBook. Not sure which one but I am entertaining the idea of a refurb instead of new. I know I want Microsoft Office and Appeture on it as well as Apple Care because once I go Mac my BFF’s hubby won’t be able to help troubleshoot my computer issues. The plan is to keep my Dell notebook for work purposes in a pinch as well as the older than dirt desktop that I should really unload and pass on to someone else. It collects dust at the moment. At some point, I will need a new printer but that can wait.

Next up, I want, need, cannot stand to be without it yet Sprint doesn’t carry it just yet, IPhone. The rumor mill is all a flurry over the chance that this fall Sprint just might have the precious little phone available. I am about to go crazy waiting for it, but I have waited this long, so I will try to remain calm. I refuse to go to AT&T because of previous bad experiences and I have been with Sprint for about ten years now, so I am kind of partial.

My wish list continues with a vacation next year to Europe. Specifically London. More than likely that little trip across the pond will have to be deferred since the exchange rate is crap. If that is the case, I will do a long weekend to NYC (yes, I am obsessed) along with a trip to Hawaii.

In just a few short months I will have my finances under control, money to put back and not worry so much about what I do with my money. And if wishes do come true, a nice raise would be an added bonus to my little plan to buy some big ticket items that I have wanted for quite some time.

If you have a Mac, tell me what you have, what you like about it and what you wish you would have gotten in addition to what you currently have. How many years did you buy for Apple Care, all that good stuff.

And, if you have any input on digital SLRs, throw them in there too!

A Peaceful Weekend

I am a type A control freak, planning fool. I admit it and am not that bashful to say it. I can’t help it. While my apartment maybe disorganized and messy, my cubicle scary at times; I love to plan, makes lists and get things done according to a timeline.

But sometimes those plans go off-track and that is when I can get a little nutty because I didn’t plan it that way! I was supposed to go home, to Nashville this weekend but after dealing with a wrecked car, my little cushion was gone. I kept thinking I could make it work, it wasn’t like I was going up there to spend, spend, spend. But Thursday morning I knew that I didn’t need to do it. I was devastated because I really needed that time back there with friends to regroup and relax.

After emails back and forth with Stacey, I knew that I had made the right decision and while I miss her and my other friends like crazy, it needed to be done. That afternoon my boss came to me to ask me to cover his conference call on Monday. A day that I had planned on being off but since I changed plans, didn’t need to. The call isn’t that big of a deal but it did make me feel good that my new boss trusts me to handle the call while he is out of the office. Something that I will probably do from now on when he is out.

Good Friday was spent in the office cleaning up files that I had managed to put off because they were the trickier ones. We were getting off early so I was excited that while I wasn’t getting to go home to visit, I did get a little time off to just relax. Another co-worker was showing me things that I needed to look for and told me that the whole team thought I was doing a good job and reassured me that in time, it would all come easily to me.

My time off was spent reading, watching movies and slowly start to catch up on my DVR programs. Umm, yeah, I don’t know how I always manage to get so behind with this but it only takes one missed program to get behind and then you have a season’s worth of programs to watch!

I did watch one movie that I am still shaking my head about, “I Hate Valentine’s Day,” which is the case for me. Even when I am dating someone, I don’t care for it. I am all about protecting yourself from getting hurt but the main character’s attitude was all kinds of messed up. She was very perky, to the point that I wanted to bop her on the head with a frying pan. And her issues towards her father caused her to miss out on trying out a relationship. She finally realized it and got her man but still. . .

I am the first to admit, I am bad about relationships. They scare me yet I want to be in one. I have had horrible boyfriends in the past and have let those experiences have caused me to mess things up all on my own. But if I have the faith that one day He will send the right one to me, I am hoping that my issues don’t cloud my judgment, thus ruining a great relationship. It is kind of like the story about a man praying to God to send him help when he is stuck on the roof while the flood waters keep rising. A boat, a helicopter and something else that escapes me at this time, come by offering to rescue him but he says no, he knows that God will save him. He drowns, goes to heaven and asks God why he didn’t save him. Well, I sent you the boat, a helicopter. . . yet you turned them all down. Sometimes God sends us people that he knows will help the situation, you just have to trust Him. I may have been guilty of this in the past so here is hoping that I can open my eyes and see His future for me.

My that was a tangent! But my weekend was spent just relaxing, napping, reading and watching tv. Not so eventful but I have had plenty of cuddle time with Wookie. Little man is getting a bit spoiled around here but he does pay me back with paw pats and kisses.