At least that is what it seems like the past few weeks. My second job is going well and while I seem to hit the brick wall from time to time due to exhaustion, I am quite proud that I have been handling it well. I just keep reminding myself why I am doing this and that in the end, a couple of months of extra work isn’t so bad.
The kids are kind of funny to be around because at times I just cannot relate to them, even trying to go back to when I was there age. I guess I was shelter growing up plus I wasn’t that wild of a child. Strong willed, no doubt but I wasn’t trying to do all the adult things that they are doing. And the age of the internet was just beginning, a fact that I am thankful for, considering they have no censor chip when it comes to Facebook and the like.
I also had a friend whom I haven’t spoken to in some time contact me. An ex that at one point we tried to be friends but it has become clear to me that there was a reason we didn’t work out nor would a friendship be in the best interest to either of us. Listening to him pour his heart out about how wronged he have been done by his latest girlfriend showcased a part of his personality that didn’t make him all that attractive nor someone that I would want to spend time listening to.
As per usual, he spent the time on the phone whining about his hurts, his frustrations, vilifying her while in the same breath trying to state that this relationship had it’s good points. The one thing that I have learned from all of my past failures has been to ask myself this question:
Overall, was I happy/content with the relationship?
If I couldn’t say yes, then I knew it was right to move forward without that person in my life. And let’s face it, a relationship has it’s ups and downs but even when the chips are down, you are content to be with that person. The love you have for him makes you want to move forward with them not alone.
It is never fun to realize that a partner or even a friend isn’t good for you but setting yourself free makes you realize how lucky you are to have those friends who care about you, that come running when you need help, that cry with you when you are sad and laugh with you at some of the stupid choices you have made in the past.
Having a second job that allows you to take that energy, sweat it out for a few hours and then come home exhausted has also helped. At times I just want to quit effectively immediately but then I realize that part of my problem since moving has been hiding out. To ignore the fact that I am in fact, here and not in Nashville. While this job certainly won’t be my crowning jewel in socializing, it has gotten me out of the house, talking to people I normally wouldn’t have the opportunity to talk to and made me see that while it stinks, literally to smell like food, it has given me something else to do instead of hiding out.
I have a few things on my social agenda for the summer and I cannot wait to start planning my trips to Nashville to join in with my friends and celebrate! Sonia has a birthday, Meg has a wedding along with some showers and I have some grilling that I need to do with my friends.
June is also a good month for me because I will have paid off my credit card debt! Something that I am hoping I never, never do again. And that will allow me to start planning in earnest my vacation in December. So many things to see and do! I also want to go down to Atlanta at some point to visit Ikea, a store that I have never been in before.
So while I feel like i am being pulled in two very different directions, the good news is that I know I can handle it, the extra money is always a plus and it will make me a better person. Sometimes having to sacrifice the small things in the short run make the payoff in the long run even sweeter.
Stumbling Through Life 