Kind of ironic that I feel so out of sorts lately, driving the point home was me sitting on my deck, watching WSMV online this weekend to see just what kind of damage was done to my city, Nashville.
The flood has destroyed my beloved city, thankfully, my friends are all okay. Yet, I felt so far away from them, so helpless. I wanted to be there to offer support, comfort and a safe, dry place to tuck into at night. Of course, my old neighborhood Bellevue was hit hard by the flood. I am still unaware of any damage to my apartment complex but hope to find out soon.
While all this technology is great I still felt so disconnected from them. They could all share with me what they saw, I could watch the live coverage online (umm, yeah, what’s up with the lack of coverage on the national news???????) and read/look at stories/photos as the scene unfolded but I am not at home. I am in a city that while only a couple hours away could be in a far off country.
I miss home, I miss the comfort in knowing that I could hop in my car and in five minutes be at my best friend’s house. I miss walking into my old office, hearing the drama, the giggles and sighs that happened daily.
My father’s first words to me when I called Saturday evening to tell him what I learned so far from my friends was, “I am so glad that you are here and not there.” I get that being a parent, he is thankful that I am not dealing with a flooded apartment or a car that is completely underwater, I get that. BUT, I want to go home.
In high school, as we were all preparing for the ACT, there were questions about which one is not like the other. I feel like I am the living, breathing example of that question. I feel out of place here, in my new/old city. I work with nice people but they don’t give me that warm/fuzzy feeling that I had the moment I walked into my old office for an interview.
I know that it all takes time but the adjustment is rough and I have a hard time hiding the I would rather be somewhere else. It isn’t fair to everyone here and I do try hard not to talk about life back home but still.
I cried this weekend several times for the first time in quite awhile. I am homesick. Who knew that my love for Nashville would grow so strong, so deep in the ten years that I lived there.
This is one fish that needs to find water soon and I am praying that will happen.
**For those that are interested, please go to the Red Cross website and donate whatever you can for Nashville as they rally the troops to rebuild. There are families who lost everything. The latest news I had was the Cumberland River was expected to crest this evening. It was up to 2nd Avenue this afternoon. And, please pray for everyone there. This is something that is widespread and not an easy fix.