I had an eventful meeting with my former office about the charity event. I enjoyed the time with them and we nailed down the venue. I am beyond excited about this year’s event and hope that it turns out half as nice as I see it in my head.
Drinks with the Queen and her court was wonderful. We laughed, chatted and ate. It was nice being around them and just having girl talk. Friday night was the drinks which turned into dinner and drinks with the Crush. While I can say that I enjoyed the time with him (getting home at a very late or early, depending on your perspective 5AM); once the giddiness and all thoughts were processed. The spark was not there. I spoke with him yesterday afternoon to see if he was up to grilling out. He wasn’t. We had a nice chat about the night before, both agreeing that we had fun but the spark wasn’t there and if I ventured a guess; I think being older than him had a part in it. When you know one person is ready to find the one and you just aren’t there; well, that freaks out the person. I get that and should we decide to hang out again, I know I will have fun.
The old was the boy having impeccable timing in terms of contacting me that Friday. He texted, called twice and left one message. I was in no mood to deal with him and decided that no response would be best.
Of course, after an unusual 24 hour period of little sleep, drinking, a conversation with the crush and a wedding and reception to end all weddings; I finally ended up calling back. I went to his place, somewhere I have not been in a year. It still looked the same, smelled the same and like time hadn’t really moved forward. He was in his jammy pants per usual.
The conversation isn’t really all that important at this point. I think I finally unloaded a lot of thoughts that I have had for the past two years. Things I should have said or done while we were together and the opportunity to share some of the wisdom that I have garnered in the past year. I am sure that he wasn’t expecting the harsh words; nor the forthright honesty that I just threw out there. He knows I do not trust him. He wants to be friends. And while I hesitate somewhat with that I am working on it. I cannot predict what will happen but I do know this and shared it with him. I was the most normal, down to earth girlfriend he ever had, I was his longest relationship and while I may not be perfect on the outside, I am pretty awesome.
Relationships are about compromise. They are about coming up with what makes you, as the couple happy. There are some who mesh their identities together and they are one. There are others who like me time and still want to be able to have that individual personality. Finding the one is really about finding that person who will have your back each and everyday. The one that you can be honest with and the one that makes you smile even when you want to smack them because they didn’t take the trash out. Nobody is perfect but the common thread I find in each of my friends who are married is, they are each others BFFs, they mesh perfectly together and come up with what works best for them. They love each other no matter what and that outside stuff, the clothes, cars, etc, just don’t matter. Because what they found is on the inside and they love that person to bits because of it.
I wish I knew what the ending of my story will be, I wish I could give you the answers to how to deal with dating and relationships but this blog is called Stumbling Through Life; so I am just as clueless as each of you. I am not perfect and I am sure that my friends have wanted to smack me from time to time but that is the reality that I live in and I am okay with it.
I loved my weekend home, it took some of the stress and worries off my shoulders, of course new ones came running to hop on. It was so nice to see my friends, the ones I consider family because they know me and they love me. And even with some looks given to me and being told that I am predictable, well, I am me. And I no longer make any apologies for it. I don’t want to let me friends down but as my BFF Stace said today, at the end of the day, it is my life. And honey, let me tell ya’ll, that is something I have been preaching about for awhile now, including the boy. So I am going to own it too because it is wrong for me to preach it and not practice it 100%.