I was reading The Daily Mail this afternoon and one of my favorite sections is FeMail. It is usually a random section for fashion, puff piece stories and love advice. The love advice column caught my eye because the advice seeker was discussing her penchant for charming, yet bad boys.
I could write a book on the subject and still couldn’t given anyone a reason why I had this habit. I like to think that I have broken that habit but like other bad habits, sometimes they do sneak up on you. The advice giver was explaining that some women go for cads due to daddy issues. Well, that is not me at all. Dad is grumpy but our relationship is normal.
I have a thing for musicians that really needs to be broken. Playing for fun from time to time is cool but investing a lot of money into a hobby that is just that but he doesn’t see it that way should be a red flag for me. I still blame E for all of that, hanging out with him and the rest of the drum line kind of made the whole thing sexy. Until you realize that you will always come second to a guitar or drums or bass. I guess I am a little slow when it comes to that.
And the nice guys? I can mess things up with the nice guy faster than you can say go; I don’t mean to but after having my heart broken a couple of times, my walls are just there. It is hard for me to think that some nice guy is really interested in me. I play head games and it is all by myself, no need to include anyone else in them.
Part of my penchant for bad boys came from where I was raised. In a town that is definitely the buckle of the Bible Belt, it felt good to go against the norm, to rebel. When I transferred to MTSU, well, hanging out with frat boys will influence your choices. There were some really nice guys there but I found one of the cads. And I say that with love Mike.
But over the past couple of days, as I was replaying in my head and over-analyzing everything from Friday; it really got me to thinking, especially after reading the column. Is it that hard to change your habits? Does a spark with someone who is nice make me go for instant self destruction? Or does it just mean that I had a nice time with a friend from years ago? We can never have too many friends and while it is definitely a challenge to write about my fears and feelings when I know that QB (yep, we texted back and forth and this is what was settled. I like to say it is for his inability to hit a target; ie, the great cocktail napkin debacle of 2010). reads this blog.
But we all have are own issues and fears; so while I think mine are so out there and messed up, my neighbors probably have their own and convinced that they too are out there. So while I like to think I am just so special, I am just like everyone else. With the possible exception that I fall up the stairs while sober. . .
Stumbling Through Life 