Well dear friends, after spending the better part of two days on an island I like to call my bed I got out today! And while I love my island, with my new mattress that allows me sink in comfortably yet doesn’t have a part that is actually sunk in (my old one did that), it was time to actually take my new, sexy boot and graceful moves out in public.
Mom was kind enough to come take me out for lunch and a Target run. Of course, I could have done all of this myself but when you have a boot, you kind of want your parents to fawn over it and make a big fuss. That urge lasts all of about five minutes when you realize it’s just a stupid boot, not a million dollars hanging around your leg.
Lunch was filled with screaming prepubescent boys filling up on burgers, fries and sodas while the parents ignored them. At one point I thought about whipping the boot off and hurling it out some of the boys because they were loud, messy and rude. Mom quickly shot me the look that screams I will take your 36 year old ass to the bathroom and beat it if you do this. I opted to just shoot dirty looks to the kids and parents instead.
A clarification must be added, my parents never beat me senseless as a child. Mom’s looks were enough to dissolve me into a puddle of tears. I am sure if that didn’t work though, a spanking would have happened. And I of course, would be fine with that since some kids just need to be spanked. . .
Okay, where was I? Oh yes, lunch. It was a good lunch and I was feeling kind of spunky then because I have my boot! I can walk anywhere now! Much improved since my island days of hopping from the bathroom to the bed and then to the kitchen. My poor neighbors below me. . .
I am normally a fast paced walker. I often get told to slow down when I am with others even though their legs are probably twice as long as my short little stumps. But mom was power walking past me as if I had cement shoes on. Once lunch was finished she ever so nicely suggested I wait while she brought the car to me. And once we got to Target? She dropped me off at the entrance.
I grabbed a shopping cart and set myself on a course of browsing through their clothes. I love their clothes yet 99% of the time I find myself opting not to buy their, instead I hit Ann Taylor Loft. So basically, this was a trip for me to get out of the house and aimlessly wander through the aisles. Although I did drool at some pink Converse tennis shoes and quite possibly the Mario video game in Electronics.
The store was impossibly hot, not a cool breeze to be found. We wandered from one end of the store to the other. Towards the middle of our little trip I knew that this walking was for the birds. I also knew that my sexy boot was not really the accessory to have when trying to get through the store. And I must admit that while my flip flop matched my outfit, I was beginning to feel twinges of pain in my hip (the good one mind you) and back. I opted not to say anything to mom since we had already had the debate over the shoe to wear with the boot.
After a couple of rounds through the food section we made it to the checkout. I was sweaty, tired and achy. Not a good combo if you ask me. When I noticed where the car was I simply said, I will walk with you. Because I started to think of standing there, waiting for mom, was going to be more painful than just walking to the car. I am going to assume that being overweight and out of shape with a torn muscle and bad back had a lot to do with this misery.
I did have one more stop I wanted to make and that was to Starbucks. My love affair with Starbucks is well known, I have spent countless dollars there but after finding the Via product for cold drinks, well. . . I can now enjoy an iced mocha for a week for the cost of one! All is right in my world, to say the very least. When I switch back to hot drinks, I just might have to go to the hot Via and make a mocha that way.
Home sweet home! Until I realized I would have to walk up those dreaded stairs, I miss my first level apartment in Nashville, life was so simple then. . .Once I got into my apartment I spent the next hour (it felt like that) undoing the velcro on the boot and promptly laid down on the couch with ice for my leg. And then I took a two hour nap.
I hate to admit this but I don’t think I will be hitting the mall anytime soon. This walking thing is a pain. And the fact that I might just have to wear a shoe that does not go with my outfit? I think I just might collapse and die. That is just all kinds of wrong.
As the Queen conferred with me tonight, just because I have this boot doesn’t mean I don’t have to match my outfit. I have a feeling this is going to be a long few weeks. All because I was walking across the street. . .