Being that I am one of those people who tend to let my brain analyze everything that happens around me, it can cause my already overactive brain into overdrive. Looking for clues, insights and whatever else I can dig up.
I share a lot on here about wanting to find the one, creating that life that I see in my head. Of course then when I start to see someone I can come up with a million and one reasons why it won’t work. Why can’t I just allow myself to live in the moment?
Part of it is what I have experienced in my adult life; nothing says happy ending diverted when looking at my past relationships. Part of it is allowing someone in, to really just see me and me not worry about it. And the funniest part is, if I let someone in, what happens when it blows up in my face?
I am such a bundle of optimism aren’t I? I am the biggest cheerleader when it comes to my friends but when it comes to me I forget to do that. I am Type A, plan it all out, revise, analyze, criticize and then analyze all over again. Cute huh?
My napping skills are well known by my friends. I can sleep on and off all day and still not have any issues when it comes time to go to sleep. I had some major sleep issues back in January as it was getting closer to move. I was stressed, sad and anxious.
With a bit of help, I was able to get some sleep and get back into the habit. It creeps up from time to time now but I know how to manage it now and have not let it get into weeks of not sleeping soundly.
This past week I have been having a bit of trouble getting to sleep and staying up way past my bedtime. The problem is I am not stressed about anything. The problem (if you can call it that) is that I am happy, content and like a child who was just told they are going to Disney World, I just can’t wait until the next day.
It is funny how I have had the issue of having my space, my time, etc. and I could care less about it now. I even wrote an entry yesterday evening while he was with me, sitting on the couch, enjoying jammy day. I feel comfortable around him.
And yes, this all still scares the crap out of me because I don’t have a crystal ball that will tell me exactly how this will go. I can’t go to the last couple of pages of the book and skim over it just so I know what will happen. And that is where my brain goes crazy.And this is also where he starts to question exactly how sane I am.