I have spent the day working on cleaning up my apartment, which is a huge undertaking considering I normally wait until I cannot stand the mess for one second longer. This has been a common theme to my life, I could care less about the mess but at some point it does cross the threshold and I must dig deep to get it back to looking halfway clean.
As I was working on the mess of the year in my apartment I started to think back on previous years and relationships. Yes, this relationship is quite different from the previous ones. And I had to laugh at myself when I thought that maybe the previous ones were the right ones for me.
Then: It was all about me, if I wanted to spend the day alone, do my thing, hang with friends, shop, etc. I did it. I wouldn’t care if they wanted to spend time with me because having time to myself was important.
Now: Well, while it is nice when I have a little downtime, like today, I tend to miss Chandler and would much rather be with him than to do whatever floats my boat. When I was shopping yesterday I was ready to get back home to him and spend time with him. I would rather have him with me, aggravating me in the grocery than go by myself.
Then: I read even when I was with the other ones but they typically didn’t read much or not at all. Bubba’s family thought it was strange that I enjoyed reading so much. I also felt like I couldn’t really get into the book if the guy was there because then he might feel like he was being ignored. Jorge read but always got irritated that I read so fast, that point was driven home when we were both reading Bill Clinton’s book.
Now: Chandler is a reader, we will sit on the couch or curled up in bed (because there is actually room there to stretch out) reading. We will stop while reading to share interesting points in the books we are reading as well as tell the other one “you need to read this book.” Reading has always been a big part of my life and to have someone to share that with is a wonderful feeling.
Then: Either I was the one cooking or when I was with the boy, he cooked but it was never one of those things where as I cooked we would talk and laugh while I was cooking. It was also a very 50s backdrop where I was the one stuck cooking and cleaning with a rare word of thanks. Also, I always worried if I was eating too much, pigging out on sweets or the worst, eating out and not being able to finish my meal because while I don’t look like it, small portions fill me up quickly. But that could be from all the sweets I can eat!
Now: I still cook but Chandler can make the reservations, well, he can take me out to eat. He can make koolaid but that is about it. He appreciates my cooking and will even take plates into the kitchen and load them in the dishwasher. He also enjoys talking to me and visiting me in the kitchen causing distractions galore. And if I have a hankering for sweets, well I dig in. I am completely comfortable with eating whatever around him. Of course, the new year will need to bring about a few changes for me in terms of getting healthy and a few pounds off but for once, that is all for me.
Then: There were conversations to be had throughout my previous relationships and there was some laughter but for the most part those conversations were either one sided or only hit a few topics. Sports, food and maybe music. Not a lot of variety and certainly not a lot of enjoyment or challenges for the brain.
Now: Besides the fact that I have almost peed myself on occasion from laughing so hard at him being silly, we actually talk. He challenges me to think about things. We talk about the future, we talk about our pasts and he always has to have a session of tickle Amy which leads to laughing, snorting, squealing, screaming and a time or two a slip of the toots. Which turns me red and leaves him laughing. Thanks sweetie. I really appreciate it.
Then: They were always in the background, well for the most part. Being two hours away meant my parents didn’t have much interaction to the latest beau. Bubba’s family was around but the longer I was with him the more I felt like his mother didn’t care for me to be around. Jorge’s family was wonderful, sweet and kind. We did have dinner with them from time to time but again, it was always the guys and their families, never mine. The boy’s family, well, I never met them. He lied about them coming into town and never offered to take me to them to meet them, so it was never a part of the picture.
Now: Besides the fact that my parents have met him, he likes to tease me about them being thrilled that I am closer now. We have spent time with them and will spend part of the holidays with them. This is completely new to me and it is kind of nice. They like him, he likes them and we never have an issue when I tell him we need to stop over there. His mom is very sweet and I see her weekly. His whole family, as he describes it, is loud. He is the middle of three, with an older sister and a younger sister. They are funny and needle him which makes me quite happy. Of course I already admitted to him that I never want to piss them off, they could hurt me. I wasn’t lucky enough to meet his dad but from what I have heard, he was a wonderful man. I have also met their kids and Chandler fits right in with them seeing as how he is seven. . .His niece could slice him to bits with the looks she gives him. They, just like my family, are huge animal lovers, so furry little friends are all around.
But overall, adjusting my life to have him in it has been really simple. I used to think, “Gee, this is the last one I am going to kiss/hug?” and I would be sad about it. Those first dates and getting to know someone while scary can be kind of fun. Now? Oh dear, I couldn’t think of anyone else in my life. He just fits in and I don’t worry about missing out on stuff I used to do. I like having him around, making room for him (all 6’3″ of him). I like how he enjoys making me laugh and that when I say I want to watch a kiddie movie he is all in. I still have to work on the rom-com but hey, I can manage that.
All in all, those lazy weekends that were all about me are not missed. I would rather be curled up reading, talking and laughing with him than to get in my marathon naps.
But since he wasn’t with me today I did manage to hit the grocery, go through old clothes, cook, vacuum, dust a bit, pick up crap and take a small nap. I still need to wrap some presents, put my clothes up and read but I have gotten quite a bit done. It helps when you don’t have distractions but I like having that distraction around so I will enjoy the random day here and there to deal with my mess and spend the rest of the time begging him not to tickle me.