Another post where I have been mulling it around in my head for days on end. . .poor Jennifer Love Hewitt and her incessant act of desperation. Look Love, I get it, you want to be in love, get married and have that little fairy tale. But you still don’t get it do you? And the it I am speaking about is being in love.
Love is a lot of things, and we can all have our dreams of what the proposal will be like, what kind of ring it will be and finally, ideas of what the wedding will be like. BUT girlfriend up and shared one of the most embarrassing things on national television. Apparently Ms. Hewitt thinls that it is totally acceptable to pick out three engagement rings and then share that information with her boyfriend. All of this so she isn’t disappointed should he decide to propose. . .
Oh dear. . .now granted I have never been engaged, so maybe this is completely okay but I would never announce to the guy I was dating that I had even one ring picked out at a particular store. I would much rather share my cellulite with the world.
But the part that bothered me more than anything was her openly discussing how she wouldn’t want to be disappointed in the ring that would be presented to her. Really? Maybe being 37 (dear Lord, help me now) never been married nor proposed to changes my perspective but even at 22 would I have thought to say this is what I want and I don’t want to be disappointed. Umm, yeah, just make a ring out of tinfoil and I would be grateful.
I think that often times, women who think this way are in love with the idea of love. They don’t quite get that there is a daily aspect of a relationship and that the ring isn’t the center of the relationship. I have heard of young women planning their wedding day and to them, that is the end all be all but the reality is that once you say I do, there is a guy that you will be living with the rest of your life.
Relationships are never perfect and I think Ms. Hewitt’s focus on what kind of ring she wants shows that maybe she isn’t quite ready for that next step. That maybe, just maybe, she might want to take a step back, be on her own and get to know herself again before setting out to find Mr. Right.
I have know both males and females who jump from one person to the next, never taking the time to enjoy the quiet nor learning from their mistakes. And each time they start to question the current relationship, their happiness and what happens next. Hey, I am a planner, I get the need to want to see where things are going but sometimes just being on your own forces you to take stock in what you want out of life.
And I am the very first person to admit that I am not the biggest fan of surprises and I am the least patient person in the world but I know that Chandler is in charge when it comes to if, when, how he pops the question as well as the detail of the ring. He wants to do that, on his own and on his own terms. So I will pace, throw looks and ask leading questions from time to time with no answers or direction.
I am pretty certain that had I said to Chandler, “So, there are a couple of rings that I really like and they are at X store. . .just so you know and that way I won’t be disappointed,” he would have looked at me, laughed and walked away. The ring, while a “symbol” of commitment is not really what the commitment is all about. The ring is just a thing to wear.
And while I really do love my Tiffany silver that I have bought or was given to me by the Queen, the thought and meaning behind each piece mean more to me than what they look like or where they came from.
Ms. Hewitt may wonder why she still isn’t married but I think if she took a moment to really listen to herself, she might see that what she considers a very helpful gesture her boyfriend at the moment will see as self absorbed and somewhat childish. Take it from me, you will know you have a keeper when you think tinfoil fashioned into a ring is perfectly fine.
Or maybe I just need to kill a few brain cells and change my personality and head to the mall this week. I will be in Nashville, so I am sure I can direct Chandler to three rings for him to choose from. . . on second thought, umm no. I think that is the quickest way for me to end up single again.
Stumbling Through Life 
Honestly? I’ve gotta disrespectfully disagree. I don’t think what she did was wrong. My ex-husband asked me what I liked because he wanted to get me something that would make me happy. I don’t like round diamonds. I don’t like yellow gold. Would I have been disappointed with round diamond set in yellow gold? Maybe that’s not the right word, but it wouldn’t have been my choice. I guided him, let him know I like simple-no side stones- but wanted the ultimate decision to be his. He picked a beautiful pear diamond set in platinum. I was a big pear girl back then, and I was thrilled with the ring. Does that make me a bad person? Heck, I told him to NOT get me a ring.
A lot of women, who aren’t famous, go this route. If I’m going to wear this symbol on my finger, for life, I want to like it. Yes, I want the guy to pick it out himself, but guiding him-well there’s nothing wrong with that to me. Each couple has their own way of doing these things.
I think her presentation was mighty lousy, but she’s already been married. She’s had the engagement, the wedding, the ring. It’s her prerogative how she wants to handle it this time around. Do I think it’s a bit tacky? Sure, but to each her own.
I’m almost 35 now and I would go another route. First, I have no desire to ever be married again. It doesn’t define my validity as a woman being able to “land a man”. And marriage isn’t important to ME. But if a man wants me to wear a ring as a symbol of commitment, heck yeah, I wouldn’t mind a beautiful yellow canary diamond a la Heidi Klum’s ring LOL and I have no problem telling him that. That doesn’t mean I’d be disappointed with something else, and he always has the option to depart from my tastes. But I think a lot of men like to know in advance-at least the ones I’ve talked to. Not everyone wants it or needs it to be a surprise, and I think that’s okay. 🙂
I think the thing that bugged me was her stating she has three rings marked at Tiffanys for her future husband. She hasn’t been married before just engaged and I totally get the whole wanting to like something that you will wear forever but. . . to state she might be disappointed if it wasn’t one of those three? To me, she sounds more in love with the idea of love not the actual commitment. Chandler asked me one time what I liked, I told him and he can go from there. Most people that know me know I wear silver, so yellow gold isn’t in my jewelry case. So sure, I would say, no yellow gold. I guess it comes down to how each person likes things to happen. But I will say that her way kind of scares me. And honey, you deserve that yellow canary diamond!