Dating is listed among my favorite things to do, right below root canals. I am awkward, nervous, unsure and over analyze everything. I love being in a relationship where I know I am loved, content, happy and the bonus, the guy keeps me in stitches.
While on this break with Chandler, I slipped back into my being in my own routine, not having to worry about what’s for dinner and what are we going to do this weekend. I missed him each day but as the days turned into weeks, our phone calls got fewer. We were talking but only about tv shows, our days but not how we could get back to where we once were.
It made me sad to see how far we had grown apart. While he was dealing with some issues I was left to ponder what I was supposed to be doing. And I hated that there was nothing I could do to make him feel better.
I talked to him this evening and after I got my heart to stop pounding out of my chest I said that I couldn’t keep this up. I didn’t want to sound horrible or selfish because this wasn’t about either of us not feeling the same way. It was simply a situation that neither of us could control. In the end I felt like I was a heel for wanting to take the temporary break to a permanent one.
And now I am single, again. And while I have visions of being with the one and living happily ever after right now I just don’t believe in those fairy tales. I will be happy with the cat, friends and family. And at some point, Chandler and I will be able to talk and maybe even hang out.
And hopefully I am not on my way to really becoming that crazy cat lady. . .
Stumbling Through Life 