I have a ton that I need to scan in before I can add them to FB but the ones I have on my x drive, well, it shows a life of happiness, sadness and everything in between. I love to take pictures and there are times I could kick myself for not taking more.
Like the time I was skinny! Oh to see what few pictures I have during that period are nice. I didn’t lose the weight the right way but I was digging my look. Especially these really over priced jeans that I had to have.
But looking through old pictures brings back memories, the what ifs and what could have beens after taking another path. There is a part of my heart that still belongs to the boy, where closure will not happen but I have to deal with it as such. That part of me did not cloud my view for my feelings for Chandler. I had closed the door when we started dating.
But now, well, I have a lot of time on my hands. . . so I sit and think. I have asked Chandler not to hate me and thankfully he said it was the situation, not us, that dealt this blow. I care for him deeply but I also know that I don’t know how to handle him when he is frustrated or down. He is a great guy and should a girl get lucky to catch him, I wish them both the best. He deserves it. Maybe I was just a bit flighty for him.
I don’t have the same feelings when looking at Jorge or Bubba. Jorge is easy, he wasn’t happy, it could have been dealt with a bit better but I learned a lot about myself after he left. Bubba, wow, who knew that after all the crap that went on during our relationship that I can now say he is a friend. I love him to death, think he is the best and he got so lucky when he met the girl he is going to marry. I am so very proud of you Bubba!
The resentment is gone, the drama (if any was there before) is gone and what is left is me. A person who desperately wants to find the right one to love but doesn’t want to settle. I have learned a lot in the past ten years and for that I have to thank my exs and my friends. You all were there, talking to me, sharing your thoughts and letting me whine when I needed to.
Funny how looking at old photos can take you back in time. And lucky for me I was never stupid enough to take pictures of my naked self. . . that would be a nightmare!