Finding Old Pictures


I have a ton that I need to scan in before I can add them to FB but the ones I have on my x drive, well, it shows a life of happiness, sadness and everything in between. I love to take pictures and there are times I could kick myself for not taking more.

Like the time I was skinny! Oh to see what few pictures I have during that period are nice. I didn’t lose the weight the right way but I was digging my look. Especially these really over priced jeans that I had to have.

But looking through old pictures brings back memories, the what ifs and what could have beens after taking another path. There is a part of my heart that still belongs to the boy, where closure will not happen but I have to deal with it as such. That part of me did not cloud my view for my feelings for Chandler. I had closed the door when we started dating.

But now, well, I have a lot of time on my hands. . . so I sit and think. I have asked Chandler not to hate me and thankfully he said it was the situation, not us, that dealt this blow. I care for him deeply but I also know that I don’t know how to handle him when he is frustrated or down. He is a great guy and should a girl get lucky to catch him, I wish them both the best. He deserves it. Maybe I was just a bit flighty for him.

I don’t have the same feelings when looking at Jorge or Bubba. Jorge is easy, he wasn’t happy, it could have been dealt with a bit better but I learned a lot about myself after he left. Bubba, wow, who knew that after all the crap that went on during our relationship that I can now say he is a friend. I love him to death, think he is the best and he got so lucky when he met the girl he is going to marry. I am so very proud of you Bubba!

The resentment is gone, the drama (if any was there before) is gone and what is left is me. A person who desperately wants to find the right one to love but doesn’t want to settle. I have learned a lot in the past ten years and for that I have to thank my exs and my friends. You all were there, talking to me, sharing your thoughts and letting me whine when I needed to.

Funny how looking at old photos can take you back in time. And lucky for me I was never stupid enough to take pictures of my naked self. . . that would be a nightmare!

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2 thoughts on “Finding Old Pictures

  1. Heather says:

    Ahem, I have taken pictures of my naked self. Shake what your mama gave you! I have no shame in it. 🙂 They were meant for people I cared for at the time and enjoyed between us as consenting, intimate adults.

    I obviously wasn’t there for everything with Chandler, but I think you are way more forgiving and kind than I could ever be. He has so much responsibility, yet you asked him not to hate you when there was nothing you did that he could ever excusably hate you for. You did what you had to do and what was right for you. If anyone should be asking someone not to harbor negative feelings, it is him. I am your friend, so obviously I am biased, but you were more dedicated than most people could have or would have been. You put up with a lot. And being on the outside looking in, he didn’t deserve you.

    I am glad your exes have taught you not to settle. You are so right in that. You deserve the best.

    1. Amy says:

      LOL and you my dear rock the naked pictures! Me? That is just wrong with all the rolls I have going on right now!

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