Sometimes relationships just don’t work out, sometimes they do. I was talking with a friend about the boy, who randomly calls and texts from time to time. I mentioned in passing that we met via eHarmony.
And this is where one of the funniest confessions comes into play. When those commercials come on, my blood boils and the urge to throw my drink at the tv is tempting. We all have dreams of meeting that right person, the one that falls right into your life and things seem great. But…
But as the relationship grows and time marches on, lines are drawn from both sides. He with his macho “I don’t do cards or flowers” as if this is a cute quirk. My line? I do have friends that happen to be male, I will still be friends with them. You can meet them if you like, I will always be open with you when I go do things with them.
We both nod in acceptance to this but in the back of my head I am thinking that at some point, walking into a Hallmark store to pick up a card, write a few words on it and hand it to me isn’t like asking him for a kidney or a million dollars. It is a card, expressing your feelings of love, appreciation, etc.
As we try this friend thing I have to say, it isn’t anything like the friendship I have with Bubba. That relationship was rife with horrible memories mixed in with some good ones. I adore Bubba but we knew that there was nothing more to it than being friends. Maybe the boy doesn’t understand his feelings, maybe he is trying to play games or maybe he is afraid to let me all the way in. But after seeing him cry twice during our time together, I have to say, he let me in so it must be a game to him.
Sadly, those games are old hat to me, Bubba and I played them very well for over seven years. Getting to the point of not analyzing it, forgetting that you asked him to keep you in the loop about something makes me think that maybe I have finally let go. The hurts, the frustrations. The bad thing is, we were matched on that blasted dating site, have a lot in common and fit well together. And I walked. I no longer regret it or think about the what ifs.
I have become accustomed to my routine, my me time and how I live my life. I still struggle, stumble all of the time and have had my fair share of meltdowns but I think that relates to accepting that I won’t have a family of my own. Am I okay with that? Not sure but I do know that my emotional health as well as my physical health need to take top priority right now.
I thought I knew a lot about guys but after looking at my past relationships I am still as clueless as I was on that first car date with Chris. Such is life.
I take it all with a grain of salt and know that in the near future I have a lot to look forward to and that would be football. Sign me up because I am going to be all about it this fall. A nice distraction with cooler temps will bring that smile back to my face.
And hopefully some pounds will pour off and I can get back to being little miss sassy pants!
Stumbling Through Life 