The One Where I Have to Say Goodbye


I haven’t mentioned Chandler in quite some time. Partly because when a relationship ends you lose touch and partly because I didn’t want to share the details of our relationship ending. Maybe the easiest way to describe us and our relationship is this way, we went from zero to 100 and then forgot to stop for gas until it was too late.

Chandler passed away Saturday morning, leaving behind some incredible women and we can all agree he left too soon. His younger sister was beyond kind by reaching out to me to share the news instead of me reading about it on Facebook. Since I was in DC over the weekend, I learned of his passing as I was standing in American History Museum and was too shocked to take all the news in and really understand it.

That night he was all over my dreams and I could have sworn that it was all just a bad joke until I checked my email again for Bri’s two word message, call me. When the news finally sunk in, the tears started to flow. I was mess and all I could think about was his family, his wonderful cat and some of the most silly things we used to laugh about.

Chandler was the guy who would bug me to death if I hadn’t written in a couple of days. He would pester me until I sat down and wrote. He encouraged me. He would also call me a cry baby when I would get all girly about movies or commercials, so I know he his taunting me from Heaven right about now. Sorry buddy but this hurts.

We drifted apart after we split, which is normal but I always checked up on him either by stalking his or Bri’s Facebook or I would exchange messages with her. There were times I wanted to call him, just to hear his voice but then felt silly thinking that. And then a wave a guilt runs me down because he had mentioned to his sister that I hadn’t checked in while he was in ICU. She told him that I had checked in with her but still. I hope he knew that I still loved him, that I missed him and that I thought about him daily.

I don’t really know how I am going to say goodbye to him because I thought there was more time. I thought that I could come back from vacation this weekend and send him a message to let him know I was thinking about him. But at least I know he is up there, saying, oh, she is such a cry baby. . . with the inflection that he used for that. I will also hear him nagging me to go write. And about a million other things as well. It may have been a fast ride but we managed to pack a lot into that trip.

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2 thoughts on “The One Where I Have to Say Goodbye

  1. Melissa Byous says:

    I’ve had you on my mind all day, Amy. I’ve been thinking about you, thinking about life being too short, and how sucky it is that bad things happen to good people. I can’t imagine how hard this is on you, but I am popping by to let you know you’re in my thoughts and prayers! I know we don’t know each other very well, but if you ever need to talk, I’m a great listener!! 🙂 HUG!!!

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