The One Where I Tell You My Weight

Well, of I wasn’t convinced before that the dating pool is merely a shallow puddle, I am about to make it so and possibly make it one tiny little drop of rain. Deep breathes people. . .

At the end of the summer last year I was floating around 215/225. I knew that for my health I had to do something. So I joined the Y, got started on a routine and kept going. I had a few stumbles along the way, like everyone. But I also knew that I had to deal with that was at the core of my health issues. Clothes not fitting, feet swelling, sweating when all I was doing was running through the mall.

I was a mess and that kept me moving forward. Really working out on the elliptical, lifting weights and trying to control what I put in my mouth. It’s a hard road to go down because there is no workout buddy with you, there are days that after working on something so difficult at work, the last thing you want to do is hit the gym.

The boy offered up an incentive which helped a bit but it seemed like nothing was working. Am I supposed to be this fat forever???? Will there be anyone who can see past the fat to really see me? Plus, I want to maybe side swipe the health issues my parents have so I don’t have to deal with them. I’ll keep the anxiety if all the other stuff will stay away from me.

At my last checkup I was convinced that my thyroid had finally met it’s match. Wonky thyroids are all over both sides of my family. Maybe this little organ is causing all of my issues. Nope because that bugger hates me. The doctor didn’t like my cholesterol up, even though it is the good kind that bumps the total over. So I take a pill for that but the surprising point is the meds I have been taking for anxiety. Everyone is anxious about something at one point in their lives. Unfortunately my anxiety stays with me, hanging out waiting to surprise me.  I know how to treat them and I have a back up med I can take when my ways do not work. And those are rarely used.

Unfortunately, Paxil has a couple of side effects that are quite prominent in me. . . one is the unending need for food. I need it, all the time. When we sat down and did the math, I started taking Paxil in August 2007. Best drug ever! Since then we have had to adjust from time to time. I looked at the doctor this time and said, look, I love this drug but I have gained closed to 75 lbs on this, help me.

Long story short, the new meds help with anxiety AND the weight is coming off. Since January I have lost 25 lbs. I am at 190 which still makes me cringe, my self esteem is in the toilet for numerous things and well, the past couple of years have been really tough.

Tomorrow is my first day with the trainer. I told him I need accountability, help, encourangement, a variety of exercises, basically someone controlling me a couple hours a week to ensure that I am doing this. End of summer goal, 60 lbs down by June at least 25 of those 60 gone.

I don’t want to be the skinny bitch. I want to look good, be happy and healthy. I also know that even though I am as tall as the Olson twins I cannot maintain their miniscule weight. Also, I love food.

So Yes, I weighed 215/225 last fall with it coming off slowly, very slowly. Since then I have managed to get 25 off in the new year. I can do this. I can do this. Someone may be carrying up to my apartment though. I am a bit nervous. But bring it on.Cause I am ready for this, ready to reclaim my old clothes.