My new tagline, actually, I have been wanting to use that for awhile; I just kept forgetting to update the header. The tagline came about from a conversation that Stace and I had several years ago. We both agreed that I was quite dorky but that somewhere, deep inside, I had a hint of cool.
Of course that cool was not there during my teen years. I was such a dork, from trying out not once but twice the whole perming my hair (I believe some childhood boys that were friends were the ones that originated Popcorn) but also trying out some trends that I look back on with horror. I wasn’t a part of the A crowd but I think being in my own little world made me see things differently. I wanted out of my hometown, I wanted to travel and I wanted to write.
While I may not have gone all out with each of those goals, I have to say, not bad for the dorky girl who was quite shy in high school. Bird teases me about the fact that I at least dated in high school and I have to laugh each time we talk about it. Sure, I dated, but the majority of guys I did date did not go to my school and more than likely they lived in the next town over.
When I was dating Chandler last year I had to laugh because we would bump into someone we both knew and he would mention that he had dated her. I was not accustomed to that since I either dated outside of my high school or when I lived in Nashville, it was odd to bump into an old flame. We even pulled out my old high school yearbooks and looked through them. Pages upon pages of pictures of him, countless girls who swooned over him and then I would have maybe two pictures in the yearbook. I think I might have told him he was dating a dork at one point.
I finally came into my own after moving for the second time back to Nashville. It was rough at first but between college friends and friends of those college friends, I began to figure out who I was. While others dreaded turning 30, I had a countdown to that glorious day. A very old friend of mine, Red, turned 30 nine days before me. I think I had called him to tease him about getting older and he paid me back with the don’t go into the light line that his sister had said to him.
I finally realized that it didn’t matter if I didn’t have a perfectly flat tummy or my thighs touched. I had cobbled together a group of friends that made me laugh and accepted me as is, no need to impress. Of course, we also spent those years going out to sports bars, drinking and misbehaving but those early 30s were a lot of fun.
I wouldn’t want to repeat most of those nights now because, well, I don’t have the energy for those late nights. I like being asleep by 10ish. And of course those friends all have little ones now, so our fun equates to dinners out or hanging at one of their places.
So here I am, 38 and quite comfy with my dorky status. I still trip over my own two feet, I still have really odd tastes when it comes to men and I have yet to be able to settle down. But sometimes I think that in my own way, I have settled down. I may not have the husband and kids to show for it, but I have a pretty cool village of friends that I call family.