January 2013 – Stumbling Through Life

Getting Older: The One Where I Am Bitter (Kind Of, Not Really)

Posted on January 28, 2013January 28, 2013 by Amy

I have a birthday looming. . . I remember when I was getting ready to turn 30; I was thrilled, excited and couldn’t wait until that day. Turning 30 allowed me to become really comfortable in my own skin and subsequent birthdays didn’t bother me either. Well, until I hit 35, something about 35 felt like a slap in the face. Since then, it has been kind of downhill.

I am not the biggest fan of celebrating my birthday but the reality is I should take full advantage of my birthday. One of the cons of being single is you get your birthday, that is about it. So while I read about my friends celebrating anniversaries, kids’ birthdays, etc. I stick with just this one celebration. Things happen and sometimes they don’t go as you planned them.

In my 20s I thought I would be married by the time I was in my mid 30s. Oops. I wasn’t in a hurry to walk down the aisle but I thought that it would be reasonable to think that I would get married in my 30s. Then a course of bad choices, some heartbreaking experiences and of course more bad choices led me to “I will be 40 in a year’s time and have yet to get engaged, married or even successfully date someone for any length of time.” So yes, there is some bitterness but in all seriousness, I can only point a finger in my direction. I can’t blame anyone else for the choices I have made. I guess that is one of the pluses of getting older, you figure out that most of the time those sucky moments are all your fault.

But I think the worst part about getting older is all the crap I see being advertised for “us getting older folk.” As I embrace getting closer to 40, I am looking forward to the following items showing up on my “to buy” list:

Going gray? Spray a bit of color on your hair to hide that dirty little fact!

Since we older folk tend to shrink as we get older and climbing on chairs and stools are not the safest option, grab The Reacher! It makes getting those calcium pills, water pills, antacids and other items a lot easier.

Huh? What? Can you say that again? I will now sleep better knowing that I can pick up one of these bad boys before going to see a movie. I will be able to hear my shows without having to tap on the cat to ask what was just said. . .oh, not available in California.

Like many others before me, I want to make sure I can bath safely yet move the shower head around. Visiting friends? Bring it with you! No one should have to manipulate their body while trying to shower.

And it goes without saying that the older one gets, the harder it is to poop. Why add to the challenge with the inability to reach around to wipe? This handy dandy tool allows you to attach toilet paper or even wet wipes to it so you too can still wipe your own tush.

If you can’t reach to wipe, more than likely you are having a time getting the lotion on after your shower. This tool can help you reach any body part you can’t reach with just your hands.

Don’t want to age gracefully yet don’t want to fill your face with Botox? Try this out! Because it is completely normal for 80 year old women to have eyebrows that are really close to the hairline.

Legs bothering you when you try to sleep at night? Hook these bad boys up and that circulation problem with be a thing of yesterday!

As many of you know, I am not a fan of smelling like IcyHot, with a squirt into my mouth I can have chronic joint pain relief! Never mind that if this really did the trick every doctor across the states would be screaming about it from the rooftops.

Got Shingles? This potion will make things all better! Who knew?!

And finally, the items I couldn’t find online but I do know about. . .

Poise Pads-“oops, I peed my pants!” will no longer be in your vocabulary

iFlash/iCool Pads-I can’t remember the name of these little life savers but I hear that those hot flashes are mean little buggers; slap one of these cooling pads on for a sweat free night’s sleep

The Hurrycane-it will stand even when you can’t! Impress everyone at the senior center with this amazing cane, gone are the days when you needed to worry about where to place your cane while sitting.

Who knew there were so many products out there for the aging crowd?! I will also get to take advantage of the senior discount at movie theaters, airlines, grocery stores and Captain Ds. The alternative is to be six feet under so I guess I will accept this getting older thing and deal with it. But word of warning to my friends, do not buy this crap for me. I think I am going to fight the inevitable by refusing to grow up and have moments where I still think I am in my 20s. The best part? Thank God for the wonderful genes I inherited from my Popa. . . I maybe just a hop, skip and a jump from 40 but I don’t look it!

Tuesday Randomness

Posted on January 22, 2013 by Amy

It’s going to be one of those weeks again, I can just feel it. . . when I get a Monday off it always ends up throwing the rest of the week off. I’ll suck it up and deal with it because it is nice to have an extra day off though! It is really cold here but per the weather report, next week will be almost like a heatwave. Mother Nature has a bit of ADD.

No matter where I am, what I am doing or how long it has been since I last heard it. . . Love Shack by the B52s will always make me think of hitting I75 South to Atlanta.
Stu shared infinite wisdom with me the other day, if only our love lives could be directed by John Hughes. . .
Mine would most definitely end with Jake, a birthday cake and sitting on the table enjoying it. . .
As a Steelers fan, I have huge issues with cheering for the Ravens but when it comes to having to choose between them or the Pats? Yeah, I’m going to pull for the Ravens.
If there was an MVP for most emotional, over the top behavior within the first three minutes of a game, it would go to Ray Lewis
After all the theatrics Sunday, I cannot wait until the Super Bowl
Of course I will miss the tradition of Pats players’ wives complaining about the outcome of the game
Is it preseason yet? I miss football
I am learning more about hockey, it helps to have a very large tv to watch it on, I can finally keep up with the puck
Kind of ready for a new batch of commercials to be released during the Super Bowl, one can only watch the Farmers commercials so often
Most useless sport ever? NASCAR, I can drive really fast in a circle so I am not sure what all the fuss is about
Best thing about the commentators for hockey? The accents and the use of the word keister. . . how many sports actually use the word keister? LOVE!
I believe I am going to spend the whole of the week confused about what day it is since I was off yesterday
I have a house I am desperate to stalk in town, the guy who lives there put together an air compressor and water hoses to create snow. As of the six o’clock newscast he had about nine inches of snow
Fair warning to this guy, I may never leave your yard once I find it
I NEED snow

Now I have to go back to watching the hockey game and giggling each time I actually figure something out. . .and yes I actually pull for the Nashville Preds, not a fan of the Fang Fingers but at least I am cheering for a local team.

SUYL: Favorite Soup Recipes

Posted on January 18, 2013 by Amy

It’s not often I can actually link up to Kelly’s Show Us Your Life! I’m not sure many people would appreciate that my “kid” is a neurotic gray cat. LOL But this week is all about food, in particular, soups. Since I am obsessed with cold weather and snow, soups are a perfect match. I have a couple of soups I like to make when it gets cold and hold up well for a week while you eat on it. My favorite is French Onion Soup but sadly it is still quite a challenge for my impatient personality. The other two are easy and quick: Potato Leek Soup and Chicken Noodle Soup. Word of warning, I don’t exactly measure when I make either of these.

Potato Leek Soup

Four to five large potatoes of your choice (I prefer the golden, waxy ones for the creamy texture they provide)
Two to four leeks (depending on their size)
One medium onion
Butter for sauteing
Chicken broth (I use the reduced sodium, at least the 32oz box, normally end up using another partial box to make a bit more)
Heavy whipping cream (I try to stick to the smallest carton in the dairy case)
Salt & pepper to taste
Parsley for finishing

Dice potatoes, set to the side. Slice leeks and onion, saute until translucent, add broth, cream and potatoes to the pot season to taste. Cook until potatoes are done. Use hand blender to blend the potatoes and onions with the broth and cream. Check flavor, season a bit more if you desire. Add parsley flakes, stir and let simmer for about 15 minutes and then serve.

*If you prefer, you do not have to blend the soup. Also, I normally just prep everything from start to finish in a stock pot.

Chicken Noodle Soup

Two to three skinless, boneless chicken breasts
Butter for browning
Chicken broth (as with the above soup. . . I use the reduced sodium, at least the 32oz box, normally end up using another partial box to make a bit more)
One small onion
Two carrots (although I normally just use the baby carrots and do about two handfuls from the bag)
One stalk of celery (I leave this out, I don’t know why)
Extra Wide Egg Noodles (I usually use half of a bag but I really love noodles in my soup)
Salt & Pepper to taste
Parsley for finishing

Dice the chicken breast, onion, carrots and celery and brown in pot with butter; once browned to your satisfaction add broth. Make sure you get all the goodness stuck to the bottom of the pot off and mixed into the broth. Cook on a low/medium heat for about 30 minutes, season to taste and add egg noodles (use time as directed on package). I normally check and season to taste again once the noodles are done but I have also been known to keep this on the stove cooking for most of the afternoon. Sprinkle parsley and serve.

I hope you enjoy both soups! I tend to end up making these when I don’t want to deal with actually cooking something each evening after work during the winter.

Dreaming Big Again

Posted on January 17, 2013 by Amy

I hope Kelle Hampton, mama to Nella, doesn’t mind a little copy and pasting in an effort to share with my five readers something that is near and dear to my heart. Miss Nella is turning three this month! Following Kelle’s blog, I have been able to watch Nella grow, hit milestones and watch her big sissy, Lainey dote on her little sister. Nella’s diagnosis of DS was determined after she was born and while she may have thrown everyone for a little loop, Kelle’s friends and family have circled the troops in order to learn more, advocate and in honor of her birthday setup a fundraiser directly to the National Down Syndrome Society.

The mission of the National Down Syndrome Society is to be the national advocate for the value, acceptance and inclusion of people with Down syndrome. By clicking on that really cute graphic with the crown, it should take you to Nella’s fundraising page. . . every dollar goes straight to the society. Throughout the year Buddy Walks are held as a way to raise funds in local communities as well as increase awareness about Down syndrome.

I wasn’t particularly savvy about Down syndrome a few years ago until my dad started working with a wonderful organization in their local community. Since then I have attended Snow Balls, their annual musical production, random days of just hanging out with them at school as well as providing landscaping this past spring as they made a former church into a school.

If I can brag for just a moment. . . The Trousdale School was founded by Tom Johnson, whose beautiful daughter Sarah has Down syndrome (I went to school with her and her two siblings) and has this quote posted on the main page of the school’s website:

When these students are given tools, support and inspiration, they will continue to blossom and grow. Continuing education is the key to everyone’s success; having the opportunity to continue to learn broadens their horizons and allows them to soar to greater heights.

They have big dreams there, including building a dormitory in the future and growing the school to a little under 100 students. Each student has a part-time job within the community, they volunteer and most importantly, they give the best hugs and infuse happiness even in the grumpiest person’s mood. I dare anyone to walk into that school in a bad mood and come back out still in a bad mood. The students have also provided something I have yet to provide to my parents. . . they have made them the official Nanny and Popa of the school.

It really is a privilege to be a part of this community, learning about the challenges families will face, the accomplishments as well as learning about our very unpredictable DNA. I have listed below some of the facts about Down syndrome from the NDSS website.

Down syndrome occurs when an individual has a full or partial extra copy of chromosome 21. This additional genetic material alters the course of development and causes the characteristics associated with Down syndrome.
There are three types of Down syndrome: trisomy 21 (nondisjunction) accounts for 95% of cases, translocation accounts for about 4% and mosaicism accounts for about 1%.

Down syndrome is the most commonly occurring chromosomal condition. One in every 691 babies in the United States is born with Down syndrome.

There are more than 400,000 people living with Down syndrome in the United States.

Down syndrome occurs in people of all races and economic levels.

The incidence of births of children with Down syndrome increases with the age of the mother. But due to higher fertility rates in younger women, 80% of children with Down syndrome are born to women under 35 years of age.

People with Down syndrome have an increased risk for certain medical conditions such as congenital heart defects, respiratory and hearing problems, Alzheimer’s disease, childhood leukemia, and thyroid conditions. Many of these conditions are now treatable, so most people with Down syndrome lead healthy lives.

A few of the common physical traits of Down syndrome are low muscle tone, small stature, an upward slant to the eyes, and a single deep crease across the center of the palm. Every person with Down syndrome is a unique individual and may possess these characteristics to different degrees or not at all.

Life expectancy for people with Down syndrome has increased dramatically in recent decades – from 25 in 1983 to 60 today.

People with Down syndrome attend school, work, participate in decisions that affect them, and contribute to society in many wonderful ways.

All people with Down syndrome experience cognitive delays, but the effect is usually mild to moderate and is not indicative of the many strengths and talents that each individual possesses.

Quality educational programs, a stimulating home environment, good health care, and positive support from family, friends and the community enable people with Down syndrome to develop their full potential and lead fulfilling lives.

If you will, please take a moment to go through the links, read a little about some of the most special people I have ever met and if you can donate a few dollars to Nella’s Triple Crown, I would greatly appreciate it.

Tuesday Randomness

Posted on January 15, 2013 by Amy

Last week was a blur and not in a good way, I got the crud which turned into an almost week long nap. Good times. . . today was the first day I woke up and didn’t feel like I was in a tunnel. Improvement! But let’s get to it people, maybe I can scrounge a few random thoughts together. . . at least I hope I can because my poor brain took a beating from being sick.

I was completely set, excited and ready to cheer on the Fighting Irish in Chandler’s memory last week but he must have known I would take the game way too seriously since I passed out after Bama scored their second TD.
I know Chandler was enjoying the game from probably the best seats, with his dad, up in heaven and wouldn’t care who won.
Being couped up in the house for the majority of the week wasn’t really all that fun and even more frustrating was the fact that I needed a nap after a round trip to the kitchen to get a drink.
Before the sickness, I had a Saturday out with my BFF Stace, a lot of fun browsing through stores, chatting and one minor moment where we both agreed that I might have had a wee bit of bitterness shining through my Year in Review post. . .
But even after debating it in my head, I stand by that post and those raw emotions that I did feel when I went through some of it
I also learned that Bubba blocked me on FB (oh! the horror! the horror! um, when did this happen?) the other week and I can only assume it had to do with very old photos, paranoia and a relative of his
As I said to my mom when she questioned why I posted many years ago photos of the two of us on FB, “he was a huge chunk of my life, especially during college and if I were to edit that history out of my life, a very large part of seven and a half years would be missing”
In the end, once I figured out that all of this went down (I am slow on the up take) I deleted those pictures because I was pissed, apparently even having memories of my past must mean something! (said with sarcasm)
And while I am on it, if I have to erase every memory, picture, story, thought and/or emotion I have felt in the past because (insert whichever guy’s name) might get upset for me thinking, remembering, writing or anything else under the sun than hell, I could only talk about grade school and even then it might be questionable because there was the little red headed boy I went with in 4th grade, Billy Bob who I have known since we were little who I went with in 5th I believe and let us not forget my very first ever kiss way back when I was a little kid and the neighbor boy gave me a quick peck on the lips!
Those are my memories to share as I see fit and those who aren’t even remotely innocent will always be protected by me (even if they don’t deserve it because I can be a doormat, way too nice. . . ) but damn, if you have an issue or you happen to be paranoid about something I post using words actually are more helpful than sticking your head in the sand.
It never pays for me to be sick, stuck in the house and way too much time on my hands. . .
I did get a nice surprise last week. . .there was this hat I found at Target while visiting my parents, I never saw it here though. While my parents made fun of me and the ridiculousness of the hat, I have to say, it kept me quite warm today thankyouverymuch!
Meet Fluffy. . .

Wook is having a few issues with Fluffy. Lined in pink, little pockets to stick your hands at the end of the scarf part, ears on top equates to being warm when it is cold and rainy outside. I love it and it only adds to my goofiness, so it works.
I have a thing for hats
I am now currently waiting for some snow and at this point I would even take a bit of ice just to make all this rain worth it
Instead I may end up crafting a boat
I gained four pounds during the holidays, must get back on wagon. . .

With that, I will take my cranky pants to bed and try not to imitate Waldorf and Stadler at least for a few weeks. . .

2012: A Year in Review

Posted on January 1, 2013 by Amy

There were some great things that happened in 2012 and like most people, some shitty things happened as well. I am guilty of diving deep into the crap and allowing it to rule my life. I think that is a natural reaction to life. But I have also been able to step back, acknowledge the bad but still be thankful for what I do have in my life. I haven’t gotten all Pollyanna on you, trust me.

The good? Well, I ended up spending a few days with the Queen in Atlanta leading up to my birthday. Good food, great times with the Queen, IKEA! and a guy even hitting on me in IKEA! I followed that little trip up with a weekend in Nashville. Again, great food, friends and some quality time at Green Hills Mall.

I was a bit delusional when it came to the boy, thinking that our little road trip to DC might put things back on track in February. I also dealt with guilt for not reaching out to Chandler after a conversation with his sister. The shoulda, woulda, couldas have come in waves throughout the year and I have to hope within my heart of hearts that Chandler did know that he was always on my mind. Chandler gave me one final gift when he passed, he opened my eyes to see the boy for who he truly is and that helped me close the door for good on that mistake. Thank you Chandler for pointing out what everyone else could see.

Saying goodbye to Chandler at the end of February was probably the hardest thing I have had to do. For a time I didn’t want to be around happy people, going to the mall pissed me off and the idea of having to even be somewhat social seemed more like torture. I held close the memories we had created together but also knew it was time for me to really focus on getting back home, getting in shape and finding me again.

Apparently in March I tried to find some humor and offered up my embarrassing Spanx story, shared with you my weight (I had already shared my big girl jeans vs. my skinny jeans with you the previous fall) and the time I fell on my tush while working out with my trainer. I also sprinkled in random thoughts throughout the year with Tuesday Randomness. While these may seem a bit boring or um, redundant, it has forced me to write something, anything every week (although I have missed a few. . .).

April reminded me just how great I have it in terms of friends, I spent a weekend at the Queen’s house, met up with a bunch of mother hens for drinks, caught up with an old friend and really thought long and hard about an opportunity in Raleigh. I also got to deal with an allergic reaction to who knows what to my skin. The itching was out of control and the only thing the doctor could come up with was I happened to be allergic to something blowing in the wind. Yes folks, for the price of a copay or two, I learned that my skin was sensitive. Sadly, I have known that since I was a little kid.

I continued to workout with my trainer in May, offered up an explanation as to why I suck at dating and admitted that I was a dork. I also decided after reading an article that I really needed to make a statement and just go ahead and marry myself. If everyone else gets celebrated for every milestone under the sun, why should I let the inability to get a guy to commit to me make me miss out on those milestones? I ended up not going through with it but I will keep it in the back of my head.

June brought hot weather and my impatience at finding anything in Nashville career-wise. I was unhappy with my job, location and lot in life. I did manage to sucker Stace into going to the Def Leppard concert at the beginning of July and lucked into two job interviews while I was in town. I headed to The Trousdale School’s annual musical grinning ear to ear with what was coming up the following week; a concert, two interviews and spending time with friends.

I was a mess after my second interview, kind of feeling like I do most times I go on a date; thinking it went well but never hearing from them ever again. Then I did the phone interview with the recruiter. . .oh July you could have gone either way but on the 13th (my lucky number) I was offered the job and was planning my move back home, to Nashville in under two weeks. I dealt with packing, roped Bird into packing my kitchen, mom helped tons and dad made sure the chair didn’t move while they were there. Wook looked at me like I had lost my mind but agreed to deal with the car ride and chaos a move brings. I started my new job, met my new coworkers and instantly knew I was going to like it here.

I challenged myself to appreciate all the move brought to me, going out with friends, working on myself and doing my very best at my job. A text to Allan one evening led to me meeting John Corbitt and breaking the unspoken rule in Nashville: don’t bother the famous people. Thankfully he was really nice and Allan is probably still shouting he doesn’t know that guy. I also got to warm up in terms of watching football. Oh dear, if the football season could be year round I would be a happy girl.

September came and went in a blur, a lot of football, a lot of time hanging out with the guys and random sightings of the boy as I would head home from work. I was counting down until MTSU’s homecoming, ended up seeing some great guys I hadn’t seen since college and remembering the campus as if I had just left it the day before. Millions of texts to and from Allan seemed to be the norm and I admitted to two friends that I might just have a crush on him. Allan had also voiced his dislike of his first blog name and for the first time in history, I changed someone’s name. That should have been my sign.

I realized I must be bad luck for my beloved Steelers after witnessing first hand the loss to the Titans, one of the worst teams in the league. One of the crudest lines I have ever uttered was finally yelled back at me courtesy of Allan. Text messages flew in after the game and the next day from friends teasing me about the loss. Yeah, I know and we shouldn’t have lost. A fateful weekend spent with Allan caused us to cross the line in our friendship. I was thrilled, very happy and couldn’t believe my luck. I was back home, I had a great job and somehow ended up with a guy whom I considered to be in the best friend circle as something more. All of the sudden, tons of plans were made for parties, trips, football and everything else under the sun.

Then high school drama happened, I saw a side of my friend that I didn’t realize was there and a girl pulled a very childish stunt in order to get her way. I fought for him and then realized that he was in my shoes from years ago with Bubba. I offered him one last piece of advice, do not ever ask me why I stayed with Bubba for so long when everyone knew it was bad. Pot meet kettle. Square peg in round hole still won’t fit. Roller coaster, high school drama still doesn’t make a relationship. And finally, my favorite thought, people change and sometimes it isn’t for the better. Oh and always, always question someone who tries to lay blame on others for their mistakes.

The rest of October was hard, I was in a complete and total funk. I was also very angry at myself for letting someone in when I know how it always ends for me. I refocused on my weight, working out and eating habits. I managed to get into a pair of size ten jeans. I also somehow managed to take the higher road when Allan stated on Facebook he was now in a relationship. I am not a saint, I have said some really not so kind things about the whole situation and I won’t even get into what has gone on in my head. Yes, I was a bit on the bitter side but I still want to know why the one who follows the rules, is nice, responsible and well. . . ends up with the short end of the stick.

November rushed in and I had to get my place in order for my parents’ visit during Thanksgiving. As I have admitted to them, I did prepare myself for a last minute cancellation but that didn’t happen and we had a great time. I ended up with an early Christmas present (a HUGE tv), they got to meet my BFF Stace’s little boy E, Rach’s kids and husband and I think I drug mom around a good portion of Davidson and Williamson counties on Black Friday. It was also the month that dad got an iPhone. I think I have converted him. . . at least I hope so!

I realized in December why I have had such a hard time getting everything Christmas up and out. I haven’t held my dinner party since 2008, which means that I haven’t had a deadline to deal with the tree. I got the tree up this year and some decorations out but waited until the last minute to make the peanut butter chocolate balls for Bird. I watched a ton of Christmas movies, continued my weight loss, watched way too much football, brought bad luck to the Titans when I went to the game at the beginning of the month and watched Mr. E on several occasions.

I also had to say goodbye to my stinky boyfriend, Shadow. I felt horrible for Stace and her husband as well as felt beyond helpless. I have always been proud of the fact that I can handle most anything life hands me (even if I cry or shut down at some point, I have managed to deal with it) but Shadow’s passing shined a light on a weakness about myself.

I headed to my hometown to spend Christmas with the parents and Bird. Her girls still aren’t 100% happy for my move but I am hopeful that when they are older, they will understand. It turned out to be a low key visit, which I enjoyed. I also probably sent mom over the edge introducing beef tenderloin as a great holiday meal since dad is now convinced they should have it monthly. I have also given the gift of Starbucks addiction to dad. At least the barista at his local place doesn’t know his name and order. . . I don’t have to utter a word now if I don’t feel like it.

I also got to visit with Chandler’s mom and sisters while I was there. While the tears do not come as often or quickly, as soon as I see them I am a blubbering mess. I would give anything for Chandler to be back with them, even if it meant we were not meant to be. I still think of him often, love him dearly and talk about him with my friends. As I was getting ready to leave, his mom asked Bri to take me to his room to pick out a couple of things. With each step down the stairs, the tears came faster. . .to be able to see things just as they were when I left made me smile but miss him terribly. I will always wear his Notre Dame shirt with pride and love (and cheer for them too!) as well as his Cubbies hat.

I ended the year on my own instead of going out or hanging with friends. Part of it was I just didn’t want to be around others but the other part was, I was tired, overwhelmed with what I have experienced this past year and the biggest part, who doesn’t want to ring in the new year with the most neurotic cat ever? Plus, NYE is amateur night. I would prefer not to share the road with the crazies. Instead I Facetimed with Son, Snug and T, my parents and chatted briefly with Stace, offering up the I am a loser and this headache is driving me insane (which it has been for several weeks now).

Here’s to 2013, may all your wishes come true and if I ever start talking excitedly about a guy, please smack me. And then point me to my blog.