The One Where I’m Too…

I haven’t had a date since, well I can’t remember…my last boyfriend spent more time lying and cheating while I cooked, cleaned and spent time with his daughter. The good news is he is with the one he cheated with and they are perfect for each other. I am grateful we have both moved on and I hope never to be that naive or dumb again.

I have gone back and forth on the whole dating thing, I’ve connected with some interesting men but they never follow-thru or as I’ve learned, they’ve ghosted me. This whole dating thing is not evening dating. Text messages do not equate real conversations and apparently my demographic has turned into the world’s laziest men.

The hard part is being told I’m too independent, too optionated, too picky, too intimidating…or as one male friend said to me, “they just say that because they’re not interested but don’t want to say that.” Seriously, who needs enemies when I have some friends so willing to be cruel?

But let’s look at the first descriptor, too independent: My dad drilled this thought into my head: do not depend on anyone else. (Not his exact words but you get the idea)

I have spent my adult life working my ass off so I don’t have to ask for help, rely on others and when I do ask for help I want to kick my own ass thinking I could figure out a way to do it on my own. I’ve also heard my male friends complain enough about clingy, needy women.

So exactly what do men want, because you can’t have it both ways…and seriously, is the male species that stupid to not realize that wanting someone in your life is a whole lot better than needing someone. Or are their egos just that fragile?

The same friend who says he’s just being honest says he likes his women hot and crazy. Apparently there is a perfect ratio of crazy and hot. And those of us who are sane, independent, capable that might not have that hot body are left in the cold.

I do love the too picky label because in the same breath I am told that X was an ass, lazy, horrible, ect. (and the X equates to several exes). So don’t settle but you’re too picky? Yeah, I don’t get it either.

So far now I guess I will hang with my way too independent, optionated, picky self, oh and the Wookster.



Tackling Social Media

Thank God social media wasn’t around when I was growing up! In this day and age, even a die hard news junkie like myself has decidedly blocked out politics, news and the circus that goes with it.

I watch as friends and family get sucked into every possible warning of the world is ending and you have to post this statement so you can continue to Facebook for free. It’s as if everyone checks their brain at the door when they hop onto social media.

And the judging! Wow, I have a lot of very perfect friends based on what is posted daily. The judgements of parenting, exercise, food, hobbies and beliefs because there way is the right way!

The world is dominated with fire and brimstone, we are told how horrible we are, to feel guilty about our religious beliefs, sexual orientation and skin color, even what we have or don’t have… It’s amazing how sitting behind an electronic device makes us all so very brave.

Sadly the ones who maybe left or right of center are never heard. Why? The extreme right and left are too busy screaming at everyone, they tend to drown out the rational thinking ones. The people who keep on working, keep on doing, those who find it a bit more important to do those extremely boring tasks in order to live daily.

Today’s political map is more about scaring everyone, telling Americans what they should be afraid of and how segments of the population are to blame.

I’m a middle class white girl with student loan debt who screwed up her credit during college. The housing market in my city is crazy so I still rent. Who’s to blame for my mess? Me. I strongly felt that in order to better myself I needed a college education. I also wanted to continue shopping to my heart’s content when I transferred instead of tightening the purse strings.

Was it worth it? I’m leaning towards yes with the caveat that had I buckled down in terms of studying as well as spending, my life might be a bit different right now but I own my choices. It is what it is and I can’t blame my parents, my teachers or my friends for those choices or even society. And I did have fun.

So while we can all dream of winning the lottery or being given everything we think we deserve, the reality is nobody owes us anything. My friends run the socioeconomic gambit and I will never begrudge those who have more. I would also hope that my friends who may not have the luxury to travel wherever, whenever wouldn’t begrudge me this either.

I also take social media posting with a grain of salt. You can blow out the colors of your life showing just how awesome you are and how people should look to you for that perfect life but take the filters off and well, your life probably looks similar to mine. You drug your ass out of the bed, had a bad hair day, got cutoff in traffic and had a hellish day at work and then got to come home to a messy house, bills and trying to figure out how to exercise and eat all before 9pm when you want to crash and burn. Only to do the whole thing over again five days a week.

I have a friend who really hurt my feelings when she trashed what I like to do during my free time. I love sports, that does not negate my intelligence nor does it make me a redneck. I grew up loving football and have that in common with my dad. I have a multi-tv setup so I can obsess over it during the season. I now own half season tickets to the Predators because I fell in love with the sport when it came to town. I’ve worked my ass off and if I want to spend my downtime watching sports I will. I’m 42, I don’t have a husband/boyfriend nor do I have kids so yes, I have some time on my hands. I also love to travel, read and cook. But I was slammed because I like sports.

Let’s remember that what makes the world a great place is that there are so many different viewpoints and ways of life. Painting people with such broad strokes seems unfair and close minded. One of the reasons I love visiting big cities is being able to observe all the cultures. I love hearing all the languages, trying to figure out what they are saying. I enjoy seeing how others live and tend to be very jealous of those with mass transit.

I’m a natural born cynic when it comes to my love life but I hope and pray that those just sitting in the middle can lead by example. Love each other, listen and teach your kids respect. Right now we are dealing with a segment who were given awards for just showing up, not working and children whose parents split u and instead of taking the hard path when parenting opted for the buddy route or the let me talk to my kid as if he has been through so much already. Respect, wanting to learn what makes others tick and appreciating that is key. Be the change, all it takes is a little kindness.