It takes a lot to embarrass me, part of it is the goofy side of me and the other is, well, I just don’t care. I had a ball back in January posing with all the wax figures in Vegas or posting the picture of me holding a cup with a penis as the handle…much to the chagrin of the parentals. But I figure I’m 43 and why would I care if some random stranger saw me and decided to judge me?
While being silly is a public setting is hardly risqué and I certainly do so with no adult beverages in hand, there are a few things that can embarrass me. And normally I can point it all back to the male species. I used to know guys fairly well, I grew up with them, spent more time with them and was closer to my guy friends as opposed to my female friends. As I got older, the friendships were a bit trickier (because everyone would have bet their life savings that I was dating said guy friend).
And then I began my habit of picking assholes as boyfriends. I’ve joked that I’ve really been into fixer uppers and then send them on to their now wives. For whatever reason, I’ve always had a thing for the bad boy and maybe that’s me trying to be a rebel without a clue. I had a couple of guys that I dated that didn’t fall into that segment, one being Chandler. And I am still extremely grateful that I had him, even for the briefest of times.
But the latest disaster is the end all be all for being a fool, so let’s prepare to let the eggs fly because this is all kinds of, “ugh, Amy, are you really that stupid?” And the simplest answer I have for you is, why yes, yes I am really that stupid.
I had this friend, we have talked about anything and everything over the past few years. He’s funny, smart, kind and a pain in my ass. We also really enjoyed flirting via text, a lot. For awhile the excuse of why we couldn’t date had to do with someone we both knew, then he was in a relationship and then he wasn’t. After a particularly irritating conversation, I laid it all out. I had feelings for him, I felt like the chemistry was really good, etc. His reply? He didn’t want to argue and he didn’t want to hurt my feelings.
Alrighty then, I may be dumb when it comes to having legitimate feelings for someone but I can read between the lines. All that flirting was simply a game to him, there was no meaning behind it. And queue the flying eggs. I had deluded myself into thinking our conversations meant something to both of us when I was merely a distraction and a great way to pass the time. Of course, he thinks nothing of it and has no idea that his brush off hurt my feelings. Apparently I should just shrug my shoulders and say no big deal.
And thus, I’ve managed to have enough egg on my face for a few dozen soufflés.
Stumbling Through Life 