The One Where I Go Back in Time

It has been 15 years since I was in college. . .sometimes it is crazy to think about all the things that I did while there. The first three years were spent toiling away at a community college while living at home. I didn’t care for it at the time but the reality is my decent GPA there saved my tush when I transferred.

And yes, I could have applied myself more in college but I will say the friends I gained in college and all the fun we had was worth that extra time (and lots of money) that was spent at MTSU. I haven’t been on campus since shortly after graduation. I blame it on the whole living in Nashville and it always take forever to get there and I can be lazy.

But tomorrow I am hitting homecoming, that is if I can figure out where to park and can find the guys. Please say some of my memory comes back when I get on campus. I spent way too much time with the guys at one particular fraternity house (where they did not butt chug, thank you very much). There were a lot of trips to Prontos, way too many parties at the house and a lot of laughs during my time there.

I got a mini reunion earlier this week after getting some horrible news about one of the brothers. While it wasn’t the best of circumstances I was reminded why I loved spending time with these guys. We also laughed about the pool, the parties and some questionable choices made by Bubba.

Tomorrow I get to see them and even the ones that didn’t make it to the pub Tuesday. I can’t wait! It is a lot of fun to remember the fun times but it is also nice knowing that I am a better version of myself now. It also makes you feel good when they wrap you up with a big hug and say they are happy to see you.

Back then it was the dark days with Bubba, the wild and unruly boy that I thought I could tame. I didn’t and probably missed out on a lot of other things while there but being welcomed back into the fold by the boys puts a big smile on my face. And I can’t wait to see them all again.

And while Bear won’t be there, he has requested one small favor. . . apparently he doesn’t like his blog name. He can be a bit of a whiny butt, so in honor of the fact that he looks and acts like the character Allan from The Hangover he will now hence forth be called Allan. He still looks like a bear though. . . and is in desperate need of a mani/pedi ASAP.

Now I need to go figure out the best place to park at MTSU. . . if I don’t show up by 9:30 someone send the search party out. K?

SATC: Butterflies

The last in a series of six quotes that I happen to love from the series. While I am sure I have bored some with my thoughts, it was nice to relive some of the times that I had in my younger days. This happens to be my most favorite quote, at one point it was tacked up on my bulletin board in my apartment.

When it comes to relationships, maybe we’re all in glass houses, and shouldn’t throw stones. Because you can never really know; some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies..

Sometimes it is really difficult to articulate to others why I am still single. I am that girl that does dream of her wedding day and making a life with that special someone. Subconsciously I didn’t want to marry too young. I felt like I really needed to get to know myself before adding anyone else to the mix on such a permanent basis.

As I grew and learned more about myself I also allowed Bubba into my life and while there were some good times, there were quite a few bad times. Eleanor Roosevelt said it best, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” And it is so true. I allowed things that in my right mind I would be irate if others were treated that way but I was “in love” and willing to suck it up instead of standing up for myself.

It took quite a few years to get to that point and even with Jorge I managed to get it wrong quite often. The best learning experience that I had was hitting a dry spell in the dating realm. I got to know me again and look at my past and determine what I was doing wrong. I also started talking to Bubba again and began to let go of the unhappiness that I had had with him. With that friendship blooming and finally becoming more normal I realized that I had repeated some mistakes.

I also had to accept that maybe, just maybe that special someone might not be out there. That feeling comes and goes. For me, it is more important that I accept what is going on in my life right now instead of dreaming of what could be. While the boy and I are working on a friendship I did realize that I had stood up for things that in the past I would have kept my mouth shut about.

I am sure each of us can look at our friends’ relationships and point out flaws; but that is not what they are there for. You might not agree with what Jane does or Joe doesn’t do but the reality is that the relationship you see is not 100% transparent to you. Small acts of kindness maybe hidden behind the door of their relationship.

I have a friend that is struggling right now with her relationship. I believe her fear of being alone negates the red flags that are flying all around her. I get that because I have been there, done that and have a t-shirt for the disaster as well. Is it fun being alone on a Friday night? Nope but then again I wouldn’t trade my lonely Friday nights for settling with a warm body who may or may not respect my wants and needs.

I do understand that the butterflies tend to be less and less often as a relationship matures but having them is nice. What I want may not exist and if that is the case, I am okay with that. It is scary at times to know that there is no significant other on the horizon but I don’t want to settle. I want someone who gets me and doesn’t feel the need to stifle my dreams.


Random Musings About a Boy

Sometimes relationships just don’t work out, sometimes they do. I was talking with a friend about the boy, who randomly calls and texts from time to time. I mentioned in passing that we met via eHarmony.

And this is where one of the funniest confessions comes into play. When those commercials come on, my blood boils and the urge to throw my drink at the tv is tempting. We all have dreams of meeting that right person, the one that falls right into your life and things seem great. But…

But as the relationship grows and time marches on, lines are drawn from both sides. He with his macho “I don’t do cards or flowers” as if this is a cute quirk. My line? I do have friends that happen to be male, I will still be friends with them. You can meet them if you like, I will always be open with you when I go do things with them.

We both nod in acceptance to this but in the back of my head I am thinking that at some point, walking into a Hallmark store to pick up a card, write a few words on it and hand it to me isn’t like asking him for a kidney or a million dollars. It is a card, expressing your feelings of love, appreciation, etc.

As we try this friend thing I have to say, it isn’t anything like the friendship I have with Bubba. That relationship was rife with horrible memories mixed in with some good ones. I adore Bubba but we knew that there was nothing more to it than being friends. Maybe the boy doesn’t understand his feelings, maybe he is trying to play games or maybe he is afraid to let me all the way in. But after seeing him cry twice during our time together, I have to say, he let me in so it must be a game to him.

Sadly, those games are old hat to me, Bubba and I played them very well for over seven years. Getting to the point of not analyzing it, forgetting that you asked him to keep you in the loop about something makes me think that maybe I have finally let go. The hurts, the frustrations. The bad thing is, we were matched on that blasted dating site, have a lot in common and fit well together. And I walked. I no longer regret it or think about the what ifs.

I have become accustomed to my routine, my me time and how I live my life. I still struggle, stumble all of the time and have had my fair share of meltdowns but I think that relates to accepting that I won’t have a family of my own. Am I okay with that? Not sure but I do know that my emotional health as well as my physical health need to take top priority right now.

I thought I knew a lot about guys but after looking at my past relationships I am still as clueless as I was on that first car date with Chris. Such is life.

I take it all with a grain of salt and know that in the near future I have a lot to look forward to and that would be football. Sign me up because I am going to be all about it this fall. A nice distraction with cooler temps will bring that smile back to my face.

And hopefully some pounds will pour off and I can get back to being little miss sassy pants!