The One Where I Went on a Blind Date

A lot has changed in the world of dating. Ten years ago it was a big freakin deal to even do the internet dating. Now there is an app for any and all kinds of dating. Wanna hook up? Wanna date a Jew? A farmer? Looking for same sex options? You name it, they have it.

Which begs the question, why didn’t I major in program development? But I digress… I work with some young kids. I am often reminded of what my life used to look like as well as what it would look like if I were their age. I’ll pass on both options. They did suggest Bumble, a dating app that makes the female reach it first once a match is made. Think Tinder but less sleazy.

Ive tried it off and on in the past year, with little success. There was one guy, Bradley, that seemed cool but it never went anywhere. I think he was hedging his bets with multiple options and instead of saying, hey, I’m dating someone, he just poofed. Another guy I kind of got to know was interesting but I just couldn’t pull the trigger to met him. Too much time to think about it which makes it virtually impossible for me to follow through.

And then this joker…moved here a year ago from Alabama, my age…not necessarily my type but since I’m not getting any younger and I’m no longer that tiny little thing from ten years ago, I kept an open mind. He seemed funny and the online chatting seemed to be easy. He asked to meet up for a drink that evening. Ok, not giving me time to analyze so I say ok.

First impressions…no spark. He was funny but red flags starting flying. We are at a place on my side of town. He doesn’t offer to pay for my drink, no problem. We sit and start chatting when one of his buddies walks by and they start to chat. Weird vibes as they talk and then both start asking if I have single friends for a double date.

Nashville is no longer a small big town, bumping into people you know, especially when you are across town from where you live doesn’t happen often. And these two jokers are chatting, sizing me up and just all around weird with red flags flying. His friend finally leaves and guy starts asking a ton of questions. But the best part was when he explained he felt like I was a red flag because I haven’t been married nor had children by 43. He decided to give me a chance though. Wow, how charitable.

When I explained that while I had really wanted to get married and have kids, it just hadn’t happened, he began asking what was wrong with me. Umm, ok. I guess the only real mark against me is my taste in men. I have heard stories of women giving ultimatums, manipulating the situation to get their own way as well as guys just relenting and saying, well, we’ve dated this long, guess this is the next step.

Do you know where most of those examples are now? Divorced.

When I asked him about his time being married and his kids, the only response I got was, they’re grown. He refused to give any details that pertained to him. But he felt comfortable enough to discuss how I was dressed, that I needed to wear heels,  be more feminine and what size I was in actual clothing. Nice eh?

I knew it was time to cut and run. He kept asking if he could come to my house to watch hockey. Umm no, I just met you. He then walked me to my car, tried to kiss me, when I stepped back he asked to come back to my place again and then tried to kiss me again. Short of knocking him out cold, I told him I barely knew him, he was not welcome in my home nor was I interesting kissing him.

I drove off, ran a couple of errands and cringed at what a horrible experience it had been. The next day he texted twice and called once. I politely responded with the following, “you e given me plenty to think about as I didn’t realize my lack of marriages and kids were red flags. At this time, I am going to work on me. Thanks.” And then I blocked him and deleted the app.

What did I learn? That apparently as long as you can say you were married it doesn’t matter. Settle up ladies and gents! Because those divorcées will judge you if you haven’t been married and had kids with a variety of people.

Umm yeah, I think I’ll just wait and if it happens, great. If not, at least I’m alone for the right reasons and not in a relationship for the wrong reasons. And those with multiple exes can judge me. Cheers!

 

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The One About Dating

*Fair warning: parents, friends of parents, kids I used to babysit but are now grown: adult content ahead and I am human. No judgements or comments. . . K? Thanks

Dating 101

In an effort to move forward (and not become a hermit. . . oops, too late) I have forced myself to create an online dating profile. Sadly, I feel like this will be an exercise in an overabundance of writing material as opposed to the dinner and a movie type dates.

On a whim last year (i.e. I felt like mocking the app) I signed up for Tinder. I am by no means a sweet, innocent girl BUT waking up to this message one Sunday morning sent me to the edge:

dude: So hungover. . .
me: sorry about that
dude: know what cures a hangover?
me: umm, hair of the dog?
dude: nah, you blowing me
me: Delete! Swipe Left! Erase! Erase! Erase

 Is that all there is? A horrible pick up line (if you can call it that) about being hungover and needing an oral? Oh and this was the first ever interaction with this dude. Next!

After that shocking exchange, I decided to be, let’s say, a bit more candid and upfront in my profile message.

If you are looking for sex, swipe left–I need more than “yo, drop your drawers” to even talk to you.

I guess I am a bit more old fashioned than I thought. Also, I grew up with male friends, spent quite a bit of time at a fraternity house and I can promise you, I have heard it all and have yet to fall for most of those lines. I can also make a sailor blush, so please put more effort into getting to know me before propositioning me.

What sent me over the edge with Tinder happened shortly after that disaster. I was matched with Stu, a friend since college who is bitchier than me. That match just seemed wrong. I texted our buddy Arch, told him what happened and he laughed. I deleted the app.

After breakup number I lost count with a double side of high school drama, I opted to have a relationship with my tv and go all hermit crab. I even looked at becoming a nun but I’m not Catholic, it would take time to convert and well I have the patience of a gnat. So I did what any single gal who had about two drops of water in her dating pool, I Googled “dating sites” and they have one for pretty much everyone, well except me, out there. Some are not safe for even my eyes.

I settled on OKCupid for now figuring that these things are time sucks and I’m lazy. . . who wants to spend several nights typing in the answer to “why I’m single and looking?” My preference would be to simply yet honestly say this:

I’m 41, never been married, no kids, disease free, overweight but trying to get back to an acceptable size (per my doctor, not a tabloid magazine). I have issues, I left my first real love because i wanted to “have fun” and have made some really bad choices since then but my 20s were hella fun minus the pill popping ex who loved to tell me exactly what was wrong with me (Yay! Emotional abuse!)

Got my second chance at love with someone who just never talked about his issues with me, after dating 2 1/2 years, he took me to NYC for the weekend (which most of my friends thought was going to be the location he would pop the question) and two weeks later he dumped me. Never saw it coming. His cousin had a crush on me and I was in a horrible place mentally, emotionally but not physically. Yes sir! I got on the being dumped diet (best diet ever!) and lost a ton of weight. Stumbled around trying to figure out what was wrong with me, had some fun with a much younger guy and attended a party where the ex and his new girl came as well and it is rumored conceived their kid in our mutual friend’s driveway. To be fair, he did call to tell me he had a kid on the way (before his family knew. . . although I guess I was the one who shared the news with his cousin). Tailspin right into cousin and knew it was wrong, shouldn’t lead him on, etc. but I wasn’t in a good place and I hurt him badly. I wouldn’t be shocked if he still was angry with me (he was really good at holding grudges). But in the end, the ex and I exchange emails about football annually, so there’s that. . . Opted to take advantage of the early 30s and skinny. HAD. A. BLAST.

Finally broke down and tried match.com, horrible meat market. Then eHarmony which begat the boy, dated him for awhile and lost my shit when he went two days before letting me know he had arrived safely in Portland. I know I dumped him for more than that but seriously, how hard is a text that says, “I’m here! Talk to you soon!”? I don’t need a play by play or crawling up my ass but letting someone know (that loves you) that you arrived safely isn’t asking for too much. I made that shallow boy cry though.

We tangled as friends a couple more times but I’m not skinny enough for him. All I can say is, I can lose weight, but that hair transplant didn’t work sweetie.

Then came Chandler, who came out of the blue and left almost as quickly. He showed me just how much he loved me by setting me free. I still regret being in DC with the boy when he passed away. But he gave me one more present. . . a very clear view of the boy’s true personality.

And finally, the past three years I have spent (off and on) with a selfish guy who has way too many vices/addictions, who only thought of himself. I never really understood people who are happier when they are miserable but he really fits that description. The drama, the need to cause upheaval and the lack of respect. . .well I got that in spades. And I kept on forgiving him and welcoming him back into my life. Love is deaf, dumb and blind. . .

So yeah, I’ve lived, had some interesting experiences but what I want is to be happy. Find that other half that is willing to be a partner, make me laugh, doesn’t cheat, lie, do drugs or have more vices than limbs. And no, I am not going to fall over and exclaim, “take me now!” I like fancy dinners but I also like grabbing Krystals. I like a cocktail from time to time but the days of tying one on are long gone (the hangovers are so not worth it anymore). I love sports, sappy movies and crude jokes. I prefer large cities, public transportation and finding the soundbites when politicos start yapping.

But for some reason I don’t think I would get many hits with that profile. So umm, let’s try this:

Goofy blonde with the humor of a 12 year old boy, loves football, hockey and soccer. I like most kinds of music, not a fan of surprises or florist flowers. I am shy until I get comfortable in the situation and I am extremely gun shy when it comes to dating. I am independent and stubborn. My friends are very important to me and if they don’t like you, hit the door jack. . .

Or maybe I should just ask how a hangover is cured. . . .

Let’s Beat This Dead Horse. . .

Well, clearly I have been busy and at times in a stupor caused by happiness but this is me and my life is not a fairy tale. Allan decided this past summer that he just missed me terribly and wanted to work things out. . .

Having been there, done that with Bubba for years, I shoulda jumped under the nearest rock in the hopes that would protect me from foolish decisions. I woulda avoided the heartache and embarrassment and I coulda actually tried to be open to a relationship with someone else but again, really? This is me and quite frankly when I am happy I can’t write. . . I mean, who wants a happy writer?

But I allowed my heart to make the decision and after getting incredibly close to his family and his kid, it all blew up in my face. And with all his hemming and hawing it brewed down to he can’t allow himself to be happy. Okay. Take your shit and leave, blocked your number, defriended you on Facebook and opted to use my brain instead of my heart. No tears just anger because while I am a big girl and can deal with getting hurt, he did this to his kid again.

After a response of you really need to get your shit together and see a therapist, he did and then wanted to come back. . . to work on everything and pretending that what he had done shortly after Christmas hadn’t really happened.

And after making a big show of my birthday with flowers and cupcakes from my favorite NYC bakery he said he just couldn’t. . . you see, it’s him, not me. . . at least that was his line along with I’m sorry. . .

Motherf*cker, I already had enough issues with turning 40, I have equated florist flowers with guilt for years and you just took my NYC bakery and tied them to something shitty. Thanks. But then again, serves me right. I knew better, I knew that until you got yourself straightened out it wouldn’t work, my bad. But let’s drag the kid through it again and your family and all of our friends because really, in the end, it is all about you.

A friend said last month that even with all that she has been through in terms of dating, she still believed in happily ever after. After I stopped laughing, I told her that from my vantage point, that it doesn’t happen for everyone. And you know, I am okay with that, not thrilled but okay because I know I don’t need a man in my life, I would like to have one to share my life with, travel, talk about our days, etc. but in all actuality, I am fine on my own. And maybe that is where things fall apart when it comes to me and men. . . I don’t need to be saved, I don’t need a man to fix my dryer or check my tires. . . I can do all of that. I even have my own toolset now. . . thanks Allan.

I dated someone many years ago, I guess he was my first real love in college. He was super nice, kind, thoughtful and would drive through the middle of the night to get to me. I walked because I knew I had to experience more. . . more life, college, living away from my parents, finding myself. And I still feel like had I stayed and not wanted more that I would have found myself searching for more down the road. Besides Chandler, he was the only normal relationship I had. . . and in ways, I have always made choices that get in the way of me having that nice, normal life.

But don’t cry for me or feel sorry for me. . . in the end I will be okay. I love Allen and his kid (and family) but I also love me and right now, I love me more. I have been in a slump losing weight (well, if you sit on the couch and shove food in your mouth. . . ) but changing it up at the gym has kick started it, I am going to try to get out of my comfort zone in terms of being a bit more outgoing and of course I have my crazy cat to pay attention to. . . but if you want to set me up on a blind date. . . umm. . . well, I am 40 years old, dorky, still love hair metal music, rap and everything in between, am left of center, LOVE football, hockey, NYC, DC and yes, Vegas. . . I can be appropriate when it is called for, a huge foodie (hello weight gain), love to cook, am ridiculously loyal and a nurturer, a smart ass and well, I am me. . . and apparently suck at choosing men (with exception of two men).

And this is the moment when I wish I could write songs ala Taylor Swift because there are more than a few albums that could be filled with my stories.

Tuesday Randomness

Last week was a blur and not in a good way, I got the crud which turned into an almost week long nap. Good times. . . today was the first day I woke up and didn’t feel like I was in a tunnel. Improvement! But let’s get to it people, maybe I can scrounge a few random thoughts together. . . at least I hope I can because my poor brain took a beating from being sick.

  • I was completely set, excited and ready to cheer on the Fighting Irish in Chandler’s memory last week but he must have known I would take the game way too seriously since I passed out after Bama scored their second TD.
  • I know Chandler was enjoying the game from probably the best seats, with his dad, up in heaven and wouldn’t care who won.
  • Being couped up in the house for the majority of the week wasn’t really all that fun and even more frustrating was the fact that I needed a nap after a round trip to the kitchen to get a drink.
  • Before the sickness, I had a Saturday out with my BFF Stace, a lot of fun browsing through stores, chatting and one minor moment where we both agreed that I might have had a wee bit of bitterness shining through my Year in Review post. . .
  • But even after debating it in my head, I stand by that post and those raw emotions that I did feel when I went through some of it
  • I also learned that Bubba blocked me on FB (oh! the horror! the horror! um, when did this happen?) the other week and I can only assume it had to do with very old photos, paranoia and a relative of his
  • As I said to my mom when she questioned why I posted many years ago photos of the two of us on FB, “he was a huge chunk of my life, especially during college and if I were to edit that history out of my life, a very large part of seven and a half years would be missing”
  • In the end, once I figured out that all of this went down (I am slow on the up take) I deleted those pictures because I was pissed, apparently even having memories of my past must mean something! (said with sarcasm)
  • And while I am on it, if I have to erase every memory, picture, story, thought and/or emotion I have felt in the past because (insert whichever guy’s name) might get upset for me thinking, remembering, writing or anything else under the sun than hell, I could only talk about grade school and even then it might be questionable because there was the little red headed boy I went with in 4th grade, Billy Bob who I have known since we were little who I went with in 5th I believe and let us not forget my very first ever kiss way back when I was a little kid and the neighbor boy gave me a quick peck on the lips!
  • Those are my memories to share as I see fit and those who aren’t even remotely innocent will always be protected by me (even if they don’t deserve it because I can be a doormat, way too nice. . . ) but damn, if you have an issue or you happen to be paranoid about something I post using words actually are more helpful than sticking your head in the sand.
  • It never pays for me to be sick, stuck in the house and way too much time on my hands. . .
  • I did get a nice surprise last week. . .there was this hat I found at Target while visiting my parents, I never saw it here though. While my parents made fun of me and the ridiculousness of the hat, I have to say, it kept me quite warm today thankyouverymuch!
  • Meet Fluffy. . .

fluffy1 fluffy2

  • Wook is having a few issues with Fluffy. Lined in pink, little pockets to stick your hands at the end of the scarf part, ears on top equates to being warm when it is cold and rainy outside. I love it and it only adds to my goofiness, so it works.
  • I have a thing for hats
  • I am now currently waiting for some snow and at this point I would even take a bit of ice just to make all this rain worth it
  • Instead I may end up crafting a boat
  • I gained four pounds during the holidays, must get back on wagon. . .

With that, I will take my cranky pants to bed and try not to imitate Waldorf and Stadler at least for a few weeks. . .

2012: A Year in Review

There were some great things that happened in 2012 and like most people, some shitty things happened as well. I am guilty of diving deep into the crap and allowing it to rule my life. I think that is a natural reaction to life. But I have also been able to step back, acknowledge the bad but still be thankful for what I do have in my life. I haven’t gotten all Pollyanna on you, trust me.

The good? Well, I ended up spending a few days with the Queen in Atlanta leading up to my birthday. Good food, great times with the Queen, IKEA! and a guy even hitting on me in IKEA! I followed that little trip up with a weekend in Nashville. Again, great food, friends and some quality time at Green Hills Mall.

I was a bit delusional when it came to the boy, thinking that our little road trip to DC might put things back on track in February. I also dealt with guilt for not reaching out to Chandler after a conversation with his sister. The shoulda, woulda, couldas have come in waves throughout the year and I have to hope within my heart of hearts that Chandler did know that he was always on my mind. Chandler gave me one final gift when he passed, he opened my eyes to see the boy for who he truly is and that helped me close the door for good on that mistake. Thank you Chandler for pointing out what everyone else could see.

Saying goodbye to Chandler at the end of February was probably the hardest thing I have had to do. For a time I didn’t want to be around happy people, going to the mall pissed me off and the idea of having to even be somewhat social seemed more like torture. I held close the memories we had created together but also knew it was time for me to really focus on getting back home, getting in shape and finding me again.

Apparently in March I tried to find some humor and offered up my embarrassing Spanx story, shared with you my weight (I had already shared my big girl jeans vs. my skinny jeans with you the previous fall) and the time I fell on my tush while working out with my trainer. I also sprinkled in random thoughts throughout the year with Tuesday Randomness. While these may seem a bit boring or um, redundant, it has forced me to write something, anything every week (although I have missed a few. . .).

April reminded me just how great I have it in terms of friends, I spent a weekend at the Queen’s house, met up with a bunch of mother hens for drinks, caught up with an old friend and really thought long and hard about an opportunity in Raleigh. I also got to deal with an allergic reaction to who knows what to my skin. The itching was out of control and the only thing the doctor could come up with was I happened to be allergic to something blowing in the wind. Yes folks, for the price of a copay or two, I learned that my skin was sensitive. Sadly, I have known that since I was a little kid.

I continued to workout with my trainer in May, offered up an explanation as to why I suck at dating and admitted that I was a dork. I also decided after reading an article that I really needed to make a statement and just go ahead and marry myself. If everyone else gets celebrated for every milestone under the sun, why should I let the inability to get a guy to commit to me make me miss out on those milestones? I ended up not going through with it but I will keep it in the back of my head.

June brought hot weather and my impatience at finding anything in Nashville career-wise. I was unhappy with my job, location and lot in life. I did manage to sucker Stace into going to the Def Leppard concert at the beginning of July and lucked into two job interviews while I was in town. I headed to The Trousdale School’s annual musical grinning ear to ear with what was coming up the following week; a concert, two interviews and spending time with friends.

I was a mess after my second interview, kind of feeling like I do most times I go on a date; thinking it went well but never hearing from them ever again. Then I did the phone interview with the recruiter. . .oh July you could have gone either way but on the 13th (my lucky number) I was offered the job and was planning my move back home, to Nashville in under two weeks. I dealt with packing, roped Bird into packing my kitchen, mom helped tons and dad made sure the chair didn’t move while they were there. Wook looked at me like I had lost my mind but agreed to deal with the car ride and chaos a move brings. I started my new job, met my new coworkers and instantly knew I was going to like it here.

I challenged myself to appreciate all the move brought to me, going out with friends, working on myself and doing my very best at my job. A text to Allan one evening led to me meeting John Corbitt and breaking the unspoken rule in Nashville: don’t bother the famous people. Thankfully he was really nice and Allan is probably still shouting he doesn’t know that guy. I also got to warm up in terms of watching football. Oh dear, if the football season could be year round I would be a happy girl.

September came and went in a blur, a lot of football, a lot of time hanging out with the guys and random sightings of the boy as I would head home from work. I was counting down until MTSU’s homecoming, ended up seeing some great guys I hadn’t seen since college and remembering the campus as if I had just left it the day before. Millions of texts to and from Allan seemed to be the norm and I admitted to two friends that I might just have a crush on him. Allan had also voiced his dislike of his first blog name and for the first time in history, I changed someone’s name. That should have been my sign.

I realized I must be bad luck for my beloved Steelers after witnessing first hand the loss to the Titans, one of the worst teams in the league. One of the crudest lines I have ever uttered was finally yelled back at me courtesy of Allan. Text messages flew in after the game and the next day from friends teasing me about the loss. Yeah, I know and we shouldn’t have lost. A fateful weekend spent with Allan caused us to cross the line in our friendship. I was thrilled, very happy and couldn’t believe my luck. I was back home, I had a great job and somehow ended up with a guy whom I considered to be in the best friend circle as something more. All of the sudden, tons of plans were made for parties, trips, football and everything else under the sun.

Then high school drama happened, I saw a side of my friend that I didn’t realize was there and a girl pulled a very childish stunt in order to get her way. I fought for him and then realized that he was in my shoes from years ago with Bubba. I offered him one last piece of advice, do not ever ask me why I stayed with Bubba for so long when everyone knew it was bad. Pot meet kettle. Square peg in round hole still won’t fit. Roller coaster, high school drama still doesn’t make a relationship. And finally, my favorite thought, people change and sometimes it isn’t for the better. Oh and always, always question someone who tries to lay blame on others for their mistakes.

The rest of October was hard, I was in a complete and total funk. I was also very angry at myself for letting someone in when I know how it always ends for me. I refocused on my weight, working out and eating habits. I managed to get into a pair of size ten jeans. I also somehow managed to take the higher road when Allan stated on Facebook he was now in a relationship. I am not a saint, I have said some really not so kind things about the whole situation and I won’t even get into what has gone on in my head. Yes, I was a bit on the bitter side but I still want to know why the one who follows the rules, is nice, responsible and well. . . ends up with the short end of the stick.

November rushed in and I had to get my place in order for my parents’ visit during Thanksgiving. As I have admitted to them, I did prepare myself for a last minute cancellation but that didn’t happen and we had a great time. I ended up with an early Christmas present (a HUGE tv), they got to meet my BFF Stace’s little boy E, Rach’s kids and husband and I think I drug mom around a good portion of Davidson and Williamson counties on Black Friday. It was also the month that dad got an iPhone. I think I have converted him. . . at least I hope so!

I realized in December why I have had such a hard time getting everything Christmas up and out. I haven’t held my dinner party since 2008, which means that I haven’t had a deadline to deal with the tree. I got the tree up this year and some decorations out but waited until the last minute to make the peanut butter chocolate balls for Bird. I watched a ton of Christmas movies, continued my weight loss, watched way too much football, brought bad luck to the Titans when I went to the game at the beginning of the month and watched Mr. E on several occasions.

I also had to say goodbye to my stinky boyfriend, Shadow. I felt horrible for Stace and her husband as well as felt beyond helpless. I have always been proud of the fact that I can handle most anything life hands me (even if I cry or shut down at some point, I have managed to deal with it) but Shadow’s passing shined a light on a weakness about myself.

I headed to my hometown to spend Christmas with the parents and Bird. Her girls still aren’t 100% happy for my move but I am hopeful that when they are older, they will understand. It turned out to be a low key visit, which I enjoyed. I also probably sent mom over the edge introducing beef tenderloin as a great holiday meal since dad is now convinced they should have it monthly. I have also given the gift of Starbucks addiction to dad. At least the barista at his local place doesn’t know his name and order. . . I don’t have to utter a word now if I don’t feel like it.

I also got to visit with Chandler’s mom and sisters while I was there. While the tears do not come as often or quickly, as soon as I see them I am a blubbering mess. I would give anything for Chandler to be back with them, even if it meant we were not meant to be. I still think of him often, love him dearly and talk about him with my friends. As I was getting ready to leave, his mom asked Bri to take me to his room to pick out a couple of things. With each step down the stairs, the tears came faster. . .to be able to see things just as they were when I left made me smile but miss him terribly. I will always wear his Notre Dame shirt with pride and love (and cheer for them too!) as well as his Cubbies hat.

I ended the year on my own instead of going out or hanging with friends. Part of it was I just didn’t want to be around others but the other part was, I was tired, overwhelmed with what I have experienced this past year and the biggest part, who doesn’t want to ring in the new year with the most neurotic cat ever? Plus, NYE is amateur night. I would prefer not to share the road with the crazies. Instead I Facetimed with Son, Snug and T, my parents and chatted briefly with Stace, offering up the I am a loser and this headache is driving me insane (which it has been for several weeks now).

Here’s to 2013, may all your wishes come true and if I ever start talking excitedly about a guy, please smack me. And then point me to my blog.

What Men Want. . .

I still take issue with Mel Gibson and his rants but I do enjoy watching What Women Want from time to time. I thought about that movie when I read a column last night in The Daily Mail UK. Tracey Cox, a columnist for the paper, has had a couple of interesting topics in the past week. The first one I read discussed the age old question; can men and women really be friends? while yesterday’s column was discussed what men wanted in women.

I could write volumes on my experiences with men as friends and as well as my thoughts on what they want in a mate. Actually, scratch that, I could write volumes on what NOT to do when it comes to the opposite sex. As Stace says, I have the most rotten luck when it comes to dating.

But let’s focus on the column Ms. Cox wrote . . . I have always been in the camp that believed most men wanted leggy model types. The reality shows us that the world isn’t overrun with model types but after years of watching movies, tv shows and perusing magazines we have forgotten this tidbit. Instead, we pluck, shave, highlight and diet 98% of our lives away. We strive to become these characters we watch and read forgetting that they have the help of a trainer, stylist, lots of money, lighting and the all important airbrushing.

Per Ms. Cox, several studies have been conducted to find out what it is exactly that men want in women. I was actually speechless when I read that most men are interested in the spark, an emotional connection instead of sexiness. I have been operating under the guise that it was looks first, then personality. While I will never be sexy (kind of hard when you look like you are 12 years old without makeup) my personality is kind of kick ass. Well, my personality works well with a guy’s guy. The bluntness and crassness seems to be polarizing to some guys but I won’t change my personality just to make them more comfortable.

It turns out that there are guys out there that want the nice girl. Of course if we were simply surveying the guys in my past the results would be different. I am completely honest about my penchant for bad boys. While I have grown up and moved on from that, it seems I still can’t pick a guy to save my life. Even when things *seem* perfect; the relationship ends, sometimes by my doing and sometimes their doing.

A blip on my relationship radar recently has reinforced that just maybe I am not meant to have that other half. He was a great friend, we spent a lot of time together just hanging out. As usual, I was the last to know that he might be interested. As Bubba put it, “Gee, I didn’t see that coming out of left field,”  dripping with sarcasm. Apparently everyone who knew us saw it coming, why no one clued me in on this little tidbit I will never know.

Unfortunately, just as quickly as it happened it ended. An ex-girlfriend came back into the picture and he went running back. Of course, there is a lot more to the story but I will refrain. I had heard a lot about their relationship from him and I likened it to the one I had with Bubba. A drama filled, roller coaster relationship where each person brought out the worst in the other with a lot of the past times that were once good thrown in for good measure. Needless to say, this knocked me on my ass and confirmed my thoughts on dating.

I guess the worst part has to be I was completely content being single when I moved back home. I was just so freakin’ happy to be back, with my circle of friends and everything that I loved that I didn’t really care about being single. I loved being around my guy friends, being myself (that kick ass personality that per the article stated men cared more about) that I didn’t care that nights out meant coming home to only a cat. None of that matter because I had forgotten what it was like to have someone around in that way. And really, what you don’t know is missing will not be missed.

We both shared there had been flashes of something *more* but he wanted to be completely done with his ex before moving forward. Me? I didn’t know what I was missing and I didn’t think he would be interested. He told me one night that it was over, he was done with the roller coaster; I took it in, not really knowing what to think or say. Then it happened and since we already knew each other’s story . . . we skipped that whole awkward beginning of a relationship. And I was happy, disgustingly happy. He was surprisingly open, kind, sweet and thoughtful. Sure, I knew what kind of guy he was before but when you cross the friend line, you see a whole other level.

Since I hadn’t seen this coming a mile away, I most definitely did not see what was coming next. The drama roller coaster came skidding up in front of him and he hopped right back on board. I was knocked down, just like Charlie Brown while trying to kick the football and lost a great guy and a friend. The real kick in the pants comes from my personal experience with the on again, off again relationship. I know that nothing I say will make a difference. He’s stubborn like me and will keep trying to shove that square peg into the round hole. I also see what my friends saw when I was going through this a million years ago. As a friend, I feel completely helpless because I can’t make him see reason. Actually, you do see reason, even agree with it but you keep waiting for the same effort to return a different result. Square peg, round hole.

As a more than a friend, I am heartbroken that this destroyed our friendship, I miss him and once again wish that none of it had happened. Now knowing how fun it was, how it just made sense and that it was actually very easy to cross that line makes me mad and disappointed in myself. I knew better but for once I had been completely willing to be open, no prying necessary.

So I did giggle when I started reading Ms. Cox’s columns . . . friends of the opposite sex can be friends but you both have to respect that the line is there for a reason, if you risk crossing that line, you have to be willing to sacrifice that friendship and while it has been assumed that you need to be perfect, men are just looking for what we are looking for. . . a nice person that you can connect with, have fun and be comfortable around. And here I have been so worried that I couldn’t pull off the sexy vibe.

And yes, I still wish that our mutual friends would have smacked me upside the head so I would have seen any and all of this coming. He was quite unexpected and I think that is what cuts the deepest. Good times. And probably by tomorrow, men will decide they want something totally different. I happen to think they are worse than women in some aspects.

Tuesday Randomness

I am in the process of building a boat and wishing I had bought those red Hunter Wellies but I am sure the opportunity will come again, for now, give me the smell of fall. I am so ready for the cooler weather.

  • I have an illness, it makes me actually put my laundry up when dried; picking up messes around my apartment and vacuuming on a regular basis.
  • I even managed to hang curtains that mom sent me this past weekend.
  • Let me explain–I don’t do curtains. They collect cat hair, take time to hang and just seem like an extra step when I already have blinds for each room.
  • The only reason I currently have them hanging in my bedroom is because a lamp by the pool makes it seem like daylight in the middle of the night.
  • Apparently having curtains makes one a grown up. Sure it does. . .
  • I went to my first ever Scentsy party on Saturday. I finally met Kim, whom I have “known” for what seems like forever thanks to all the stories from Rach. Her kids are even cuter in person and I got to sample her famous muffins. I can’t wait to get my stuff from the party! This could be another area where money just flies out of my pockets.
  • Minor complaint, when will all the sports commentators stop making it sound like Peyton Manning walks on water. Second week in a row where I got to listen to how wonderful he is and somehow he must be the only player on the field because they can’t talk about anyone else.
  • Thank you Atlanta Falcons for playing as well as you did; I was a bit fearful that if you listened to the pregame talk that you would not realize that you were actually playing as well.
  • I am sure he is a fine football player but I don’t like him or how he acts when a play goes wrong. Same with Jay Cutler. It takes more than one player to play the game.
  • Major complaint–Comcast/Xfinity whatever they are wanting to brand themselves has pushed me to the edge. I am pretty darn close to calling DirectTV up and starting a relationship with them.
  • I came home to learn that the cable and internet was out. No one else’s service was down, just mine. I called and they couldn’t understand it either.
  • They want to send a tech out, great. . . just great; because the last time a tech came out here he took his sweet time setting everything up and then I spent my time calling and correcting everything. In fact, I get to pay Comcast/Xfinity to follow-up with them to make sure they did what they are supposed to do. I get to waste my gas and time away from work for another tech to come out and see what the problem is, all on top of their awesome tech fees for an appointment.
  • Why yes Comcast/Xfinity, how about I just give you money and you make sure I don’t have service. I pink puffy heart that!
  • And make sure you train all the reps to say they are so sorry without any care, concern or feeling.
  • Excuse me, I am just a very unhappy camper right about now. . .
  • On to better things. . .
  • The temps are supposed to be falling a bit, let’s just hope they stay there instead of getting hot again. I prefer cooler weather.
  • I am ready to see the leaves turn colors!
  • It goes well with football and making soups
  • Dare I say I am actually thinking about trying eHarmony or Match again. Seriously, I hate the whole first date thing but I would like to actually have a date, with a boy, dinner and a movie. Possibly even a kiss.
  • Don’t worry, I already know how this ends. I am pretty hopeless when it comes to guys. I seem to attract the most selfish, shallow turds in all of the world.

And with that last laugh you all got, I will be heading out in search of WiFi and tweeting about my displeasure with Comcast/Xfinity. Good times. . .

I Do!

I got a kick out of the article I stumbled across last week on the Daily Mail website. A divorced mother of two decided to commit to herself after reflecting on her life. As she stated in the article, she wanted to take responsibility for the happiness in her life.

Okay, I can get behind that, but having a ceremony and gifts? Maybe I am just a bit jealous seeing as how I have yet to get close to even planning a wedding, but this non-conventional commitment ceremony seems a bit over the top when you include a formal event with gifts. I believe my friends would have me committed if I decided to throw that out.

I am single, painfully single sometimes, I understand the importance of not letting the singleness get to you. I love to go out to eat but if I waited for a time that would work for friends or family, I would probably only get out once a month. While I am not keen on taking myself out on a Friday or Saturday night, the rest of the week is wide open. It is a wonderful way to have a nice meal where I am not stuck doing the dishes and I get to indulge in two of my favorite things: eating and reading.

I should take note from the woman in the article though, she will tell herself (while looking in the mirror) that she is beautiful. I think every woman should do this. I spend more time criticizing myself than anything else and really, if I have to spend time with a grumpy spinster, I should at least flatter her.

While all of this might seem silly to those that are married or have been married, I will say that never having that experience can be a sad thing. I appreciate my family and friends saying it isn’t all that, or look at the pluses on your side! But as I have said to them before, they have experienced all of that, I haven’t, so I will take it with a grain of salt.

But on the other hand, my dates with myself are a lot of fun and I don’t walk away from a fun night with myself wondering if I will get asked out again. That is what I hate about dating. And I hate the whole I had fun line, we need to do it again, only to never hear from him again. Seriously, I believe there was an episode about that on Friends. I also remember that Chandler (the character, not my Chandler) ended up pissing off Rachel and he was handcuffed to the desk for some time.

Dorky With a Hint of Cool

My new tagline, actually, I have been wanting to use that for awhile; I just kept forgetting to update the header. The tagline came about from a conversation that Stace and I had several years ago. We both agreed that I was quite dorky but that somewhere, deep inside, I had a hint of cool.

Of course that cool was not there during my teen years. I was such a dork, from trying out not once but twice the whole perming my hair (I believe some childhood boys that were friends were the ones that originated Popcorn) but also trying out some trends that I look back on with horror. I wasn’t a part of the A crowd but I think being in my own little world made me see things differently. I wanted out of my hometown, I wanted to travel and I wanted to write.

While I may not have gone all out with each of those goals, I have to say, not bad for the dorky girl who was quite shy in high school. Bird teases me about the fact that I at least dated in high school and I have to laugh each time we talk about it. Sure, I dated, but the majority of guys I did date did not go to my school and more than likely they lived in the next town over.

When I was dating Chandler last year I had to laugh because we would bump into someone we both knew and he would mention that he had dated her. I was not accustomed to that since I either dated outside of my high school or when I lived in Nashville, it was odd to bump into an old flame. We even pulled out my old high school yearbooks and looked through them. Pages upon pages of pictures of him, countless girls who swooned over him and then I would have maybe two pictures in the yearbook. I think I might have told him he was dating a dork at one point.

I finally came into my own after moving for the second time back to Nashville. It was rough at first but between college friends and friends of those college friends, I began to figure out who I was. While others dreaded turning 30, I had a countdown to that glorious day. A very old friend of mine, Red, turned 30 nine days before me. I think I had called him to tease him about getting older and he paid me back with the don’t go into the light line that his sister had said to him.

I finally realized that it didn’t matter if I didn’t have a perfectly flat tummy or my thighs touched. I had cobbled together a group of friends that made me laugh and accepted me as is, no need to impress. Of course, we also spent those years going out to sports bars, drinking and misbehaving but those early 30s were a lot of fun.

I wouldn’t want to repeat most of those nights now because, well, I don’t have the energy for those late nights. I like being asleep by 10ish. And of course those friends all have little ones now, so our fun equates to dinners out or hanging at one of their places.

So here I am, 38 and quite comfy with my dorky status. I still trip over my own two feet, I still have really odd tastes when it comes to men and I have yet to be able to settle down. But sometimes I think that in my own way, I have settled down. I may not have the husband and kids to show for it, but I have a pretty cool village of friends that I call family.

SATC: The Single Life

An ongoing series based off the quotes from Sex and the City, this one is one of the funnier ones because there are moments when I do feel like this. But it is normally a fleeting moment that passes quickly and is soon forgotten…until the next shower invitation arrives in my mailbox.

Think about it. If you are single, after graduation there isn’t one occasion where people celebrate you …Hallmark doesn’t make a “congratulations, you didn’t marry the wrong guy” card. And where’s the flatware for going on vacation alone?

This quote also happens to be built around the stolen Manolos that Carrie wears to a baby shower. At the door she is asked to remove her shoes but when she is leaving realizes that her shoes left without her. When the hostess offers and then retracts her offer to replace the shoes, Carrie laments that when you are single, no one celebrates the fact that you are indeed single.

I received the crown of last of the single girls within my group of friends a few years ago. They are very gracious to include the third wheel or have a girls night, to which I am very grateful. Now they are starting to multiple! But I have to admit those little munchkins are quite cute! But throughout the years I have gone to showers, weddings, bachelorette parties, couples showers and wedding receptions excited and ready to celebrate. My checking account sometimes sighs, cries or flat out tells me exactly what I can get off of the registry and sometimes that doesn’t match what I want to give them that I had in mind.

While I have never minded celebrating the couple, the person or the baby, sometimes I do have to wonder what will happen if I simply don’t get married. Can I have a party to celebrate that after years of making the wrong choice in terms of men I finally figured it out and will stay on my own? That would be tacky yet I think that not adding to the divorce rate should be celebrated. Several of my friends have gone through divorce and I understand that people normally don’t go into marriage thinking, well if it sucks I can get a divorce. Hell, my parents were married before they got married and had me, so I do understand that sometimes you cannot avoid it.

While it would be dreamy to have a registry full of Manolos, Kate Spade, Coach and Tiffany, I would be quite happy to just have a night out with the girls celebrating all of my mistakes, making fun of some of the situations I have gotten myself into at an amazing restaurant.

And should the impossible happen and I do end up getting married? I apologize to each and everyone of my friends. I have been single way too long, have most of the stuff I need so if you don’t mind, just buy me a plate from the china I have dreamed about since I was a little girl. Sure it might get a little boring when opening the gifts but just think of the parties I can throw with that china.

And now I am going to peruse all the high end websites to dream, drool and possibly pin on Pinterest. Please, someone make me stay away from the site. I am having too much fun there.