Adulting in 2018

While those crazy millennials keep turning nouns into verbs and calling themselves cool, I will take on the adulting word that we all mock. I am in a unique position, at almost 44 (dear lord say it ain’t so!) I still sometimes live like I am in my early 20s.

With no spouse or kids (or major debt, well except for student loans) I get to enjoy the spoils of having a nice size disposable income. I am also enjoying not having a car payment, so between my entertainment budget and travel budget, life isn’t all that bad for me. I can also opt for cereal for dinner or leave my clothes in a pile because it’s just me!

But I did have to adult on Friday morning and it did make me a little pissy (actually a lot because really, I hate spending the money on practical stuff). I got to purchase four brand new tires for my car (they really should last much longer than they do). I also need to do the whole maintenance check since I am getting close to 60K miles. I looked over the items that need to be checked/replaced and I feel fairly confident that I could do most of the work myself although my parents have no faith in my ability. But on the upside, I decided that I deserved a new Nashville Predators jersey since we are creeping up on my birthday. I can’t wait for my Ellis jersey to get here!

Of course I would have preferred to spend the tire money on shoes, travel or even more hockey but I was a good adult and did the responsible thing. I will continue to bitch about it though because I can. Oh yeah and I am single, so it’s basically me whining to the Wookster about it. And he doesn’t care as long as I keep giving him the good food.

Sometimes adulting can be fun but then there are times like now where I have to make grown up decisions about the Wookster. He is in kidney failure (or kidney disease, I am not sure and don’t want to have the conversation with the vet again). Currently we are doing the special diet, iv fluids and blood pressure meds. It isn’t easy, there are times where he is in no mood to have me insert an IV into him and last month he decided he didn’t like the can food that was a part of his special diet. So the momma bear in me say screw it, I am getting his Blue Buffalo can food that he loved. We are taking it day by day. I am trying to get comfortable with the idea that he won’t be around. I talk to him about it and I am spending a lot more time at home. I canceled planned trips and will not be traveling because I can’t leave him. Not even for one night.

I know some will mock me but we’ve been together for 18 years and when you are single with no kids, the fur kind become your babies. I have had two friends tell me that as their guardians we have to take their wellbeing into consideration and make those hard choices. I am still trying to toughen up so I can do that. Stace has a room reserved for me that is nice and padded when the day arrives. My employer knows that I will miss at least a day. And I still have a hard time even thinking about the future without him.

I would much rather deal with the debacle of hockey tickets (half vs full season), training for the 5K I am doing next month, going without chocolate and I would even consider cleaning my place on a weekly basis. But I am taking everything day by day and being grateful for what I have, which is really the key to life.

There are times when I am hard on myself for my choices or how my life has unfolded but then I realize I wouldn’t be where I am if it had turned out differently. I am me because of my experiences.

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2017

A new year, a new me? Nah, resolutions never seem to stick. But I can say that I took last year to regroup, refocus and to challenge myself.

I started a new tradition by traveling to Chicago for my birthday, this year it will be Vegas. I struck out on my own the following month by going back to DC. It had been a few years since I had been and it was a great way to get my feet wet in terms of traveling by myself. A girls trip to Vegas later in the spring and finally, going to see the big tree in NYC.

I have always loved to travel but traveling for work was, well, work…if I had the time I didn’t have the money, if I had the money, I didn’t have the time…and then the whole fairytale of wouldn’t it be great to travel with my significant other? And since that was a solid yes I would delay a trip just in case. So I finally woke up and accepted that that stupid Prince Charming wasn’t coming and screw it if he did, I can do this by myself.

And you know something? I love traveling by myself! I can cram everything in that I want to do, shift it around, change it up and at no point do I have explain why to anyone. So I’m planning trips with friends and without them this year. If they want to come along for the ride, great.

As it has been for the past ten years or so, I’m battling with my weight. But I’ve finally come up with a plan that should work. It’s realistic, small goals and it’s about me becoming healthy, not fitting into a pair of jeans. I meal prep for the week, I switch out at least one soda for water and make myself eat breakfast. Since I love to cook, I spend more time going through the peremiter of the grocery and culling down my use of processed food. I love soda however I’ve managed to quit diet sodas so that’s a plus.

I’m spending more time stretching, walking and being realistic about working out. If I fall down, I just get back up, no big deal. Now if I could just figure out how the ladies in NYC look flawless coming in and out of the subway without looking like a sweaty mess during the winter I would be thrilled.

Love life? Hahahahahaha, you know I’ve tried to put myself out there but I think for now I’m happy with just being on my own. My judgement sucks (clearly) but I’m more concerned about being happy. It’s all about finding the good in life. Sure, some days suck and it can be frustrating but I try to remember that it’s just a day.

The Wookster is 17 and just slays me with his crotchety old self. He’s the best thing since sliced bread. He keeps me on my toes with his demands of routine and whatever is pissing him off at that particular moment.

So yeah, 2017 is about making strides to be a better person and I think I can do that…

Picture Post and Random McRandomness

This is what happens when I have a million things to accomplish, two being a big work event and my annual Christmas Dinner Party
This is what happens when I have a million things to accomplish, two being a big work event and my annual Christmas Dinner Party
In DC at the Smithsonian trying to be all presidential and probably at my thinnest!
In DC at the Smithsonian trying to be all presidential and probably at my thinnest!
My last day in NYC, Central Park and what has now become tradition, it snows everytime I am there. Of course I haven't hit the city during late Spring, Summer of Fall. I kind of have a thing for this city and the snow.
My last day in NYC, Central Park and what has now become tradition, it snows every time I am there. Of course I haven't hit the city during late Spring, Summer or Fall. I kind of have a thing for this city and the snow.

Thought I would add a face to the blog. I got a new laptop this past spring (thanks mom and dad!) and have most of my pictures on an external drive since my other laptop crashed and burned. Not to be melodramatic but I was devastated when this happened. I sobbed and then feared that my life, as I knew it, would be over.

The pictures also show my various weight issues although I don’t have a picture I am willing to share at this time of my fattiness just a few short months ago. Hey, a girl has the right to protect herself from the laughs and well the judgment (of myself, not others).
But I share these with you (all one of you probably) to show just how silly I can be and to let you see me in the two cities that I love.

Life is rolling along, almost a month until my surgery and I am not the least bit nervous. Why, I have no idea but knowing that the outcome has to be better than what I have felt the past few years helps me see that I am almost done with this crappy fibroid. And yes, I have named him (Charlie) only because that might be the only thing that ever resides in my uterus.

As for the darkness, still there but I have rekindled my love affair with exercising and am finding that therapeutic. Walking is my favorite form of exercising but I have been drawn to the pool as well. Jillian and her Shredding is still around but I have found that getting out of my apartment helps more than those 20 minutes of hell. I have time to think, ponder, dread, dream and pray. Sometimes those prayers are all about getting my fat butt back home because, Oh Dear Lord that sun is soooo hot, my legs are ready to murder me and I just really want to fall into the grass and hope that someone, anyone will pick my sorry self up and transport me home. That was just last night’s prayer time. Seriously, the humidity was killing me and I should have known better but I am a bit stubborn so I guess I deserved that torture.

But I do appreciate the tired and achy muscles and the knowledge that a shower will be happening soon, along with bedtime and cuddling my sweet cat means that I have made it through another day.