2012: A Year in Review

There were some great things that happened in 2012 and like most people, some shitty things happened as well. I am guilty of diving deep into the crap and allowing it to rule my life. I think that is a natural reaction to life. But I have also been able to step back, acknowledge the bad but still be thankful for what I do have in my life. I haven’t gotten all Pollyanna on you, trust me.

The good? Well, I ended up spending a few days with the Queen in Atlanta leading up to my birthday. Good food, great times with the Queen, IKEA! and a guy even hitting on me in IKEA! I followed that little trip up with a weekend in Nashville. Again, great food, friends and some quality time at Green Hills Mall.

I was a bit delusional when it came to the boy, thinking that our little road trip to DC might put things back on track in February. I also dealt with guilt for not reaching out to Chandler after a conversation with his sister. The shoulda, woulda, couldas have come in waves throughout the year and I have to hope within my heart of hearts that Chandler did know that he was always on my mind. Chandler gave me one final gift when he passed, he opened my eyes to see the boy for who he truly is and that helped me close the door for good on that mistake. Thank you Chandler for pointing out what everyone else could see.

Saying goodbye to Chandler at the end of February was probably the hardest thing I have had to do. For a time I didn’t want to be around happy people, going to the mall pissed me off and the idea of having to even be somewhat social seemed more like torture. I held close the memories we had created together but also knew it was time for me to really focus on getting back home, getting in shape and finding me again.

Apparently in March I tried to find some humor and offered up my embarrassing Spanx story, shared with you my weight (I had already shared my big girl jeans vs. my skinny jeans with you the previous fall) and the time I fell on my tush while working out with my trainer. I also sprinkled in random thoughts throughout the year with Tuesday Randomness. While these may seem a bit boring or um, redundant, it has forced me to write something, anything every week (although I have missed a few. . .).

April reminded me just how great I have it in terms of friends, I spent a weekend at the Queen’s house, met up with a bunch of mother hens for drinks, caught up with an old friend and really thought long and hard about an opportunity in Raleigh. I also got to deal with an allergic reaction to who knows what to my skin. The itching was out of control and the only thing the doctor could come up with was I happened to be allergic to something blowing in the wind. Yes folks, for the price of a copay or two, I learned that my skin was sensitive. Sadly, I have known that since I was a little kid.

I continued to workout with my trainer in May, offered up an explanation as to why I suck at dating and admitted that I was a dork. I also decided after reading an article that I really needed to make a statement and just go ahead and marry myself. If everyone else gets celebrated for every milestone under the sun, why should I let the inability to get a guy to commit to me make me miss out on those milestones? I ended up not going through with it but I will keep it in the back of my head.

June brought hot weather and my impatience at finding anything in Nashville career-wise. I was unhappy with my job, location and lot in life. I did manage to sucker Stace into going to the Def Leppard concert at the beginning of July and lucked into two job interviews while I was in town. I headed to The Trousdale School’s annual musical grinning ear to ear with what was coming up the following week; a concert, two interviews and spending time with friends.

I was a mess after my second interview, kind of feeling like I do most times I go on a date; thinking it went well but never hearing from them ever again. Then I did the phone interview with the recruiter. . .oh July you could have gone either way but on the 13th (my lucky number) I was offered the job and was planning my move back home, to Nashville in under two weeks. I dealt with packing, roped Bird into packing my kitchen, mom helped tons and dad made sure the chair didn’t move while they were there. Wook looked at me like I had lost my mind but agreed to deal with the car ride and chaos a move brings. I started my new job, met my new coworkers and instantly knew I was going to like it here.

I challenged myself to appreciate all the move brought to me, going out with friends, working on myself and doing my very best at my job. A text to Allan one evening led to me meeting John Corbitt and breaking the unspoken rule in Nashville: don’t bother the famous people. Thankfully he was really nice and Allan is probably still shouting he doesn’t know that guy. I also got to warm up in terms of watching football. Oh dear, if the football season could be year round I would be a happy girl.

September came and went in a blur, a lot of football, a lot of time hanging out with the guys and random sightings of the boy as I would head home from work. I was counting down until MTSU’s homecoming, ended up seeing some great guys I hadn’t seen since college and remembering the campus as if I had just left it the day before. Millions of texts to and from Allan seemed to be the norm and I admitted to two friends that I might just have a crush on him. Allan had also voiced his dislike of his first blog name and for the first time in history, I changed someone’s name. That should have been my sign.

I realized I must be bad luck for my beloved Steelers after witnessing first hand the loss to the Titans, one of the worst teams in the league. One of the crudest lines I have ever uttered was finally yelled back at me courtesy of Allan. Text messages flew in after the game and the next day from friends teasing me about the loss. Yeah, I know and we shouldn’t have lost. A fateful weekend spent with Allan caused us to cross the line in our friendship. I was thrilled, very happy and couldn’t believe my luck. I was back home, I had a great job and somehow ended up with a guy whom I considered to be in the best friend circle as something more. All of the sudden, tons of plans were made for parties, trips, football and everything else under the sun.

Then high school drama happened, I saw a side of my friend that I didn’t realize was there and a girl pulled a very childish stunt in order to get her way. I fought for him and then realized that he was in my shoes from years ago with Bubba. I offered him one last piece of advice, do not ever ask me why I stayed with Bubba for so long when everyone knew it was bad. Pot meet kettle. Square peg in round hole still won’t fit. Roller coaster, high school drama still doesn’t make a relationship. And finally, my favorite thought, people change and sometimes it isn’t for the better. Oh and always, always question someone who tries to lay blame on others for their mistakes.

The rest of October was hard, I was in a complete and total funk. I was also very angry at myself for letting someone in when I know how it always ends for me. I refocused on my weight, working out and eating habits. I managed to get into a pair of size ten jeans. I also somehow managed to take the higher road when Allan stated on Facebook he was now in a relationship. I am not a saint, I have said some really not so kind things about the whole situation and I won’t even get into what has gone on in my head. Yes, I was a bit on the bitter side but I still want to know why the one who follows the rules, is nice, responsible and well. . . ends up with the short end of the stick.

November rushed in and I had to get my place in order for my parents’ visit during Thanksgiving. As I have admitted to them, I did prepare myself for a last minute cancellation but that didn’t happen and we had a great time. I ended up with an early Christmas present (a HUGE tv), they got to meet my BFF Stace’s little boy E, Rach’s kids and husband and I think I drug mom around a good portion of Davidson and Williamson counties on Black Friday. It was also the month that dad got an iPhone. I think I have converted him. . . at least I hope so!

I realized in December why I have had such a hard time getting everything Christmas up and out. I haven’t held my dinner party since 2008, which means that I haven’t had a deadline to deal with the tree. I got the tree up this year and some decorations out but waited until the last minute to make the peanut butter chocolate balls for Bird. I watched a ton of Christmas movies, continued my weight loss, watched way too much football, brought bad luck to the Titans when I went to the game at the beginning of the month and watched Mr. E on several occasions.

I also had to say goodbye to my stinky boyfriend, Shadow. I felt horrible for Stace and her husband as well as felt beyond helpless. I have always been proud of the fact that I can handle most anything life hands me (even if I cry or shut down at some point, I have managed to deal with it) but Shadow’s passing shined a light on a weakness about myself.

I headed to my hometown to spend Christmas with the parents and Bird. Her girls still aren’t 100% happy for my move but I am hopeful that when they are older, they will understand. It turned out to be a low key visit, which I enjoyed. I also probably sent mom over the edge introducing beef tenderloin as a great holiday meal since dad is now convinced they should have it monthly. I have also given the gift of Starbucks addiction to dad. At least the barista at his local place doesn’t know his name and order. . . I don’t have to utter a word now if I don’t feel like it.

I also got to visit with Chandler’s mom and sisters while I was there. While the tears do not come as often or quickly, as soon as I see them I am a blubbering mess. I would give anything for Chandler to be back with them, even if it meant we were not meant to be. I still think of him often, love him dearly and talk about him with my friends. As I was getting ready to leave, his mom asked Bri to take me to his room to pick out a couple of things. With each step down the stairs, the tears came faster. . .to be able to see things just as they were when I left made me smile but miss him terribly. I will always wear his Notre Dame shirt with pride and love (and cheer for them too!) as well as his Cubbies hat.

I ended the year on my own instead of going out or hanging with friends. Part of it was I just didn’t want to be around others but the other part was, I was tired, overwhelmed with what I have experienced this past year and the biggest part, who doesn’t want to ring in the new year with the most neurotic cat ever? Plus, NYE is amateur night. I would prefer not to share the road with the crazies. Instead I Facetimed with Son, Snug and T, my parents and chatted briefly with Stace, offering up the I am a loser and this headache is driving me insane (which it has been for several weeks now).

Here’s to 2013, may all your wishes come true and if I ever start talking excitedly about a guy, please smack me. And then point me to my blog.

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Packing is for the Birds

I am beat, tired, sore, sweaty and overwhelmed. One would think that after about a million moves, that I would have this down to a science. Um, no. I am very guilty of holding on to things and not wanting to get rid of them. This has become a running joke among friends and my mom.

To date, I have thrown away I don’t know how much stuff as well as left a very large pile of items to be donated and I still have some stuff to pack. Luckily the kitchen is done. That is my biggest challenge with every move. I love to cook and with that love comes a lot of pots, pans, utensils and spices. A huge thank you to Bird who helped me tackle this Saturday. Sister, you are the best thing since sliced bread. Thanks for unpacking that mess two and a half years ago and thank you for packing it back up this past weekend. I would still be staring at it probably debating on chucking it instead of taking it with me.

As usual, mom has given me tips, pointers, mild suggestions and full on insults when it comes to all of my stuff, my cleaning ability and Wook’s litter box. I can safely say I did not get the neat gene from her. I am a disaster when it comes to keeping my place put together.

I also got some help in the muscle department when it came to getting rid of stuff via the dumpster. I don’t think I would have been able to toss what I did if it hadn’t been for some extra hands. I will try my best not to accumulate so much next time. I said try. . .

Two and a half years ago I had to face a reality that I didn’t much care for, it was a bitter pill to swallow. While I did grow up here, home is Nashville and I hope that my friends and family here understand that this feeling isn’t about them. I found myself in Nashville, I grew up there, created a family of friends and could be myself. It’s where I learned to live on my own.

I looked at other cities when looking for a new opportunity, but I always came back to Nashville. I am a city girl at heart and Nashville gives me a taste of the city but always lets me be a couple hours away from the parental unit. Hopefully this go around they will visit. Mom prefers the beach, dad prefers the mountains and Nashville has neither. As I have repeated often to them, at least I didn’t pick up and move to DC or NYC or Baltimore. See this could have been much worse, well at least for them!

I feel like I am coming out of a long term funk, one that was temporarily raised during my time with Chandler. He knew better than I did at the time that this wasn’t home to me and that my happiness was in a city that by all accounts, he strongly disliked.

As I have told the Queen, I am going to make an effort to do more this time. I am going to be thankful every day to be home. I am also going to take advantage of my really long list of restaurants that I want to hit.

But first I have a bit more packing to do, two more sleeps here and then the Wookster and I are heading home. Bless my cat for having to endure the back and forth. I am quite the lucky girl to be heading back there and have a great group of friends that are ready to help me unpack and probably tease me for having so much stuff.

Tuesday Randomness

Up to my ears in lists, stuff and more stuff. I am excited about the move but man, as often as I have moved, you would think I had this down pat. Not. So here we go, next to last Tuesday Randomness here in Chattanooga.

  • My cubicle is packed, don’t ask me how I managed that. I also purged, so there you go!
  • I have been going through my stuff, dividing out what to take, what to toss and what to give away.
  • Biggest goal will be my clothes. what can’t be hung or fit into a drawer will need to find a small home to hang in for the duration of the move.
  • The kitchen will be dealt with Saturday with Bird. Pray for her, this could get ugly!
  • Things that keep popping in my head: Central Time! I have missed you so much, life is so much easier on Central Time. . .
  • Friends, oh my, I can’t wait to see all of you; never take for granted the love of your friendships.
  • The restaurants! The shopping! The wandering around in the city that I love, yes life is good.
  • But if anyone wants to be tortured, please feel free to stop by and help (especially if you have a truck). I am purging and need to get it all out of here before the movers arrive next Wednesday.

Holy crap! In one week, I will be a resident of Davidson county again! I am so thankful and can’t wait. Now back to packing and purging. . .

Where The Streets Are Paved With Gold

Chandler used to say this all the time about Nashville and my love for the city. Well, I am happy to finally say, I AM GOING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After two and half years back in Chattanooga, I am finally relocating back to my home. I can’t stop smiling, laughing and pinching myself because this just seems all to good to be true. The streets aren’t really paved in gold but it has almost everything that I love there.

Now I am up to my armpits in organizing, packing, purging and trying to remember everything that I need to get done, all in a very short amount of time. Poor Bird gets the honor of helping me pack up my kitchen, bless her, she had to unpack it (with the help of my mom) when I moved back.

Wookie is excited to be heading back home but I don’t think he has figured out the whole, “we have to be in a car for a couple of hours” part. The Queen, Cherry, Debbie Do, Shy and many others have been put on notification that I will bribe them with food and drinks to help me unpack. Plus a little pool time might help as well. . .

I am so excited at this new opportunity and the chance to live in Nashville again. I can’t wait to get back into my routine, hit up the farmer’s market, hang out with friends, walk around Radnor and get reacquainted with Nashville.

I love and will miss all of my friends and family back here but my heart belongs to Nashville and this girl has a lot of stumbling through life there.

WOOT!