2017

A new year, a new me? Nah, resolutions never seem to stick. But I can say that I took last year to regroup, refocus and to challenge myself.

I started a new tradition by traveling to Chicago for my birthday, this year it will be Vegas. I struck out on my own the following month by going back to DC. It had been a few years since I had been and it was a great way to get my feet wet in terms of traveling by myself. A girls trip to Vegas later in the spring and finally, going to see the big tree in NYC.

I have always loved to travel but traveling for work was, well, work…if I had the time I didn’t have the money, if I had the money, I didn’t have the time…and then the whole fairytale of wouldn’t it be great to travel with my significant other? And since that was a solid yes I would delay a trip just in case. So I finally woke up and accepted that that stupid Prince Charming wasn’t coming and screw it if he did, I can do this by myself.

And you know something? I love traveling by myself! I can cram everything in that I want to do, shift it around, change it up and at no point do I have explain why to anyone. So I’m planning trips with friends and without them this year. If they want to come along for the ride, great.

As it has been for the past ten years or so, I’m battling with my weight. But I’ve finally come up with a plan that should work. It’s realistic, small goals and it’s about me becoming healthy, not fitting into a pair of jeans. I meal prep for the week, I switch out at least one soda for water and make myself eat breakfast. Since I love to cook, I spend more time going through the peremiter of the grocery and culling down my use of processed food. I love soda however I’ve managed to quit diet sodas so that’s a plus.

I’m spending more time stretching, walking and being realistic about working out. If I fall down, I just get back up, no big deal. Now if I could just figure out how the ladies in NYC look flawless coming in and out of the subway without looking like a sweaty mess during the winter I would be thrilled.

Love life? Hahahahahaha, you know I’ve tried to put myself out there but I think for now I’m happy with just being on my own. My judgement sucks (clearly) but I’m more concerned about being happy. It’s all about finding the good in life. Sure, some days suck and it can be frustrating but I try to remember that it’s just a day.

The Wookster is 17 and just slays me with his crotchety old self. He’s the best thing since sliced bread. He keeps me on my toes with his demands of routine and whatever is pissing him off at that particular moment.

So yeah, 2017 is about making strides to be a better person and I think I can do that…

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2012: A Year in Review

There were some great things that happened in 2012 and like most people, some shitty things happened as well. I am guilty of diving deep into the crap and allowing it to rule my life. I think that is a natural reaction to life. But I have also been able to step back, acknowledge the bad but still be thankful for what I do have in my life. I haven’t gotten all Pollyanna on you, trust me.

The good? Well, I ended up spending a few days with the Queen in Atlanta leading up to my birthday. Good food, great times with the Queen, IKEA! and a guy even hitting on me in IKEA! I followed that little trip up with a weekend in Nashville. Again, great food, friends and some quality time at Green Hills Mall.

I was a bit delusional when it came to the boy, thinking that our little road trip to DC might put things back on track in February. I also dealt with guilt for not reaching out to Chandler after a conversation with his sister. The shoulda, woulda, couldas have come in waves throughout the year and I have to hope within my heart of hearts that Chandler did know that he was always on my mind. Chandler gave me one final gift when he passed, he opened my eyes to see the boy for who he truly is and that helped me close the door for good on that mistake. Thank you Chandler for pointing out what everyone else could see.

Saying goodbye to Chandler at the end of February was probably the hardest thing I have had to do. For a time I didn’t want to be around happy people, going to the mall pissed me off and the idea of having to even be somewhat social seemed more like torture. I held close the memories we had created together but also knew it was time for me to really focus on getting back home, getting in shape and finding me again.

Apparently in March I tried to find some humor and offered up my embarrassing Spanx story, shared with you my weight (I had already shared my big girl jeans vs. my skinny jeans with you the previous fall) and the time I fell on my tush while working out with my trainer. I also sprinkled in random thoughts throughout the year with Tuesday Randomness. While these may seem a bit boring or um, redundant, it has forced me to write something, anything every week (although I have missed a few. . .).

April reminded me just how great I have it in terms of friends, I spent a weekend at the Queen’s house, met up with a bunch of mother hens for drinks, caught up with an old friend and really thought long and hard about an opportunity in Raleigh. I also got to deal with an allergic reaction to who knows what to my skin. The itching was out of control and the only thing the doctor could come up with was I happened to be allergic to something blowing in the wind. Yes folks, for the price of a copay or two, I learned that my skin was sensitive. Sadly, I have known that since I was a little kid.

I continued to workout with my trainer in May, offered up an explanation as to why I suck at dating and admitted that I was a dork. I also decided after reading an article that I really needed to make a statement and just go ahead and marry myself. If everyone else gets celebrated for every milestone under the sun, why should I let the inability to get a guy to commit to me make me miss out on those milestones? I ended up not going through with it but I will keep it in the back of my head.

June brought hot weather and my impatience at finding anything in Nashville career-wise. I was unhappy with my job, location and lot in life. I did manage to sucker Stace into going to the Def Leppard concert at the beginning of July and lucked into two job interviews while I was in town. I headed to The Trousdale School’s annual musical grinning ear to ear with what was coming up the following week; a concert, two interviews and spending time with friends.

I was a mess after my second interview, kind of feeling like I do most times I go on a date; thinking it went well but never hearing from them ever again. Then I did the phone interview with the recruiter. . .oh July you could have gone either way but on the 13th (my lucky number) I was offered the job and was planning my move back home, to Nashville in under two weeks. I dealt with packing, roped Bird into packing my kitchen, mom helped tons and dad made sure the chair didn’t move while they were there. Wook looked at me like I had lost my mind but agreed to deal with the car ride and chaos a move brings. I started my new job, met my new coworkers and instantly knew I was going to like it here.

I challenged myself to appreciate all the move brought to me, going out with friends, working on myself and doing my very best at my job. A text to Allan one evening led to me meeting John Corbitt and breaking the unspoken rule in Nashville: don’t bother the famous people. Thankfully he was really nice and Allan is probably still shouting he doesn’t know that guy. I also got to warm up in terms of watching football. Oh dear, if the football season could be year round I would be a happy girl.

September came and went in a blur, a lot of football, a lot of time hanging out with the guys and random sightings of the boy as I would head home from work. I was counting down until MTSU’s homecoming, ended up seeing some great guys I hadn’t seen since college and remembering the campus as if I had just left it the day before. Millions of texts to and from Allan seemed to be the norm and I admitted to two friends that I might just have a crush on him. Allan had also voiced his dislike of his first blog name and for the first time in history, I changed someone’s name. That should have been my sign.

I realized I must be bad luck for my beloved Steelers after witnessing first hand the loss to the Titans, one of the worst teams in the league. One of the crudest lines I have ever uttered was finally yelled back at me courtesy of Allan. Text messages flew in after the game and the next day from friends teasing me about the loss. Yeah, I know and we shouldn’t have lost. A fateful weekend spent with Allan caused us to cross the line in our friendship. I was thrilled, very happy and couldn’t believe my luck. I was back home, I had a great job and somehow ended up with a guy whom I considered to be in the best friend circle as something more. All of the sudden, tons of plans were made for parties, trips, football and everything else under the sun.

Then high school drama happened, I saw a side of my friend that I didn’t realize was there and a girl pulled a very childish stunt in order to get her way. I fought for him and then realized that he was in my shoes from years ago with Bubba. I offered him one last piece of advice, do not ever ask me why I stayed with Bubba for so long when everyone knew it was bad. Pot meet kettle. Square peg in round hole still won’t fit. Roller coaster, high school drama still doesn’t make a relationship. And finally, my favorite thought, people change and sometimes it isn’t for the better. Oh and always, always question someone who tries to lay blame on others for their mistakes.

The rest of October was hard, I was in a complete and total funk. I was also very angry at myself for letting someone in when I know how it always ends for me. I refocused on my weight, working out and eating habits. I managed to get into a pair of size ten jeans. I also somehow managed to take the higher road when Allan stated on Facebook he was now in a relationship. I am not a saint, I have said some really not so kind things about the whole situation and I won’t even get into what has gone on in my head. Yes, I was a bit on the bitter side but I still want to know why the one who follows the rules, is nice, responsible and well. . . ends up with the short end of the stick.

November rushed in and I had to get my place in order for my parents’ visit during Thanksgiving. As I have admitted to them, I did prepare myself for a last minute cancellation but that didn’t happen and we had a great time. I ended up with an early Christmas present (a HUGE tv), they got to meet my BFF Stace’s little boy E, Rach’s kids and husband and I think I drug mom around a good portion of Davidson and Williamson counties on Black Friday. It was also the month that dad got an iPhone. I think I have converted him. . . at least I hope so!

I realized in December why I have had such a hard time getting everything Christmas up and out. I haven’t held my dinner party since 2008, which means that I haven’t had a deadline to deal with the tree. I got the tree up this year and some decorations out but waited until the last minute to make the peanut butter chocolate balls for Bird. I watched a ton of Christmas movies, continued my weight loss, watched way too much football, brought bad luck to the Titans when I went to the game at the beginning of the month and watched Mr. E on several occasions.

I also had to say goodbye to my stinky boyfriend, Shadow. I felt horrible for Stace and her husband as well as felt beyond helpless. I have always been proud of the fact that I can handle most anything life hands me (even if I cry or shut down at some point, I have managed to deal with it) but Shadow’s passing shined a light on a weakness about myself.

I headed to my hometown to spend Christmas with the parents and Bird. Her girls still aren’t 100% happy for my move but I am hopeful that when they are older, they will understand. It turned out to be a low key visit, which I enjoyed. I also probably sent mom over the edge introducing beef tenderloin as a great holiday meal since dad is now convinced they should have it monthly. I have also given the gift of Starbucks addiction to dad. At least the barista at his local place doesn’t know his name and order. . . I don’t have to utter a word now if I don’t feel like it.

I also got to visit with Chandler’s mom and sisters while I was there. While the tears do not come as often or quickly, as soon as I see them I am a blubbering mess. I would give anything for Chandler to be back with them, even if it meant we were not meant to be. I still think of him often, love him dearly and talk about him with my friends. As I was getting ready to leave, his mom asked Bri to take me to his room to pick out a couple of things. With each step down the stairs, the tears came faster. . .to be able to see things just as they were when I left made me smile but miss him terribly. I will always wear his Notre Dame shirt with pride and love (and cheer for them too!) as well as his Cubbies hat.

I ended the year on my own instead of going out or hanging with friends. Part of it was I just didn’t want to be around others but the other part was, I was tired, overwhelmed with what I have experienced this past year and the biggest part, who doesn’t want to ring in the new year with the most neurotic cat ever? Plus, NYE is amateur night. I would prefer not to share the road with the crazies. Instead I Facetimed with Son, Snug and T, my parents and chatted briefly with Stace, offering up the I am a loser and this headache is driving me insane (which it has been for several weeks now).

Here’s to 2013, may all your wishes come true and if I ever start talking excitedly about a guy, please smack me. And then point me to my blog.

Tuesday Randomness

Let’s just jump right into this week’s randomness shall we?

  • I am over the almost Sybil like weather around here, pick a season and stick with it. Between trying to pick out something to wear daily, my sinuses/allergies cannot take this much longer. 
  • While cheesy, I did enjoy The Mistletones Sunday evening but I beg Tori Spelling to lay off of the fillers or whatever she is doing to her face. It was so puffy and at least to me, that isn’t an attractive look.
  • Confession: I purchased Taylor Swift’s song “I knew you were trouble” over the weekend. I have probably just lost about 100 cool points for that.
  • I have lost my baking mojo. . . I feel like a total failure.
  • I had to say goodbye to my stinky boyfriend, aka Shadow, my BFF’s dog over the weekend. I was keeping E while she and her hubby went out for a bit and Shadow had a seizure. A horrible, full on seizure.
  • I can handle about 98% of things good and bad but this fell into that 2% category. I felt helpless, scared, freaked out and most importantly, not in control. A kid gets sick? I know what to do and how to handle it. A dog that I love very much and know he is very sick but can’t tell me anything, I can’t handle it.
  • He has been my date for New Year’s Eve and a sundry of other things over the years. I loved my stinky as much as I love Wook.
  • It feels like everyone I love and care about leave.
  • I get that this isn’t really the truth but it seems like that is all I have been doing the past few years and that gets old.
  • And I already know that He doesn’t give you more than you can really handle but geeze, really? I am starting to think there is a black cloud floating over my head.
  • How the Steelers lost Sunday, I haven’t a clue; I finally took a nap-haven’t done that in awhile.
  • Facetime with Son and Snug always makes me smile
  • I have finally managed to go into Tiffany’s to browse and come out with not one thing marked to add to my wish list. . .
  • Of course to balance that out, I have fallen in love with several pairs of drool worthy shoes
  • In the world of weight loss. . .if I go by what I weighed when I started all of this a year and a half ago, I have lost almost 40lbs but if I go by where I was in September/October of this year (since I stalled and gained some back) I have lost almost 30lbs.
  • I will take either number though because I am below 180
  • Looking at old pictures from college over the weekend. . .umm, I cannot believe I thought I needed to lose weight. Holy cow, I wish I was that skinny again! Apparently after college I felt the need to eat for ten people at times. . .
  • Researching flights and costs for London. . . doesn’t anyone have frequent flyer miles they want to donate to me? Dear lord, this is going to be pricey. I don’t mind the cramped seat from Nashville to wherever I fly out to London but I would prefer to have the room when I fly over the ocean. Must start researching gambling or how to pick winning lottery numbers.

Now I must get back to figuring out what to get mom for Christmas, she is the hardest person to shop for. . .well besides Wook.

Sunday Musings

I still want to know how the weekend flies by so quickly. Maybe one day I will figure that out. For now I will be grateful for two days off, naps and dealing with a very grumpy cat.

I was supposed to head to the MTSU game yesterday but I messed up my shoulder Thursday and it was beyond painful Friday. I wussed out knowing that spending 12 hours tailgating and watching a football game was not the best idea. Instead I watched a lot of football, enjoyed the cooler weather and possibly growled while at Buffalo Wild Wings watching the State/Auburn game.

I am not a beer drinker, preferring Jack and Diet over most drinks but I do like cider, so I tried an Angry Orchard Cider. Very good. I still prefer Jack though.

This morning I got up early to meet up with Stace and check out The Shoppes at Target. It was kind of depressing, I think we found a handful of end caps with the items on it. I thought this was supposed to be a big deal?

I did get to visit with a little cutie after our shopping excursion. Little E was a bit stinky though, so perfect time for Aunt Amy to come visit. I only gagged once while changing his diaper. I also got some quality time with my Stinky Boyfriend, aka Shadow. Poor puppy dog, he is getting on up there in years.

While waiting for the Steelers game to start tonight I listened to Kelly Clarkson, yes, I listen to bubble gum pop. I LOVE her! And her songs. I danced around, sang off tune and Wook looked as if he wanted to run for the hills. But it reminded me how thankful I am to be home. It doesn’t matter that I am single or that I am not skinny. I have learned a whole bunch about me, my exes (and thank goodness they are my exes!) and finding happiness.

I confess, it would be icing on the cake to find the right one and get back into my skinny jeans but for right now I will be happy with the now.

And I have to say Happy Birthday (early) to the best thing since sliced bread, Wook. My little man has been with me for almost 13 years and I have dragged his grumpy little tush to East TN and back, but he is the most consistent man in my life (excluding daddy of course). I am not a crazy cat lady but I do love my little gray baby. You deserve all the expensive organic cat food you get!

And now I must concentrate on the game, my Steelers need to teach Peyton a lesson.

Tuesday Randomness

I think I have finally caught up on my sleep, well, I am getting close to it. I was afraid that with all the delays on Friday I might not make it back home until sometime this week. . . But I am not bitter. . .

  • I don’t think I will be flying United for a while, I was delayed two hours out of Des Moines which turned into watching my flight to Nashville take off while we were waiting for a gate in Chicago
  • Someone needs to explain to me why they used the big planes for my outbound flights on Sunday but chose to use smaller planes coming back on Friday
  • It was a Friday afternoon, when everyone and their brother are flying and they chose the smaller planes
  • I have never come across a more disgruntled group of employees than those of United
  • My cat has now taken up residence on me, bless that little gray guy, he missed me terribly
  • I managed to have a pretty good French meal in Des Moines, huh? It is nice to see the unexpected
  • My apartment is still clean, no comments from the peanut gallery
  • I am getting back into my cooking groove
  • Working out, not so much, I know, I know
  • I am still loving America’s Got Talent
  • I think I shamed one of my guy friends into getting a pedi
  • We went for said pedis this past Saturday, I am still laughing
  • Football, football, football, I can’t wait, I can smell it in the air

Now I am going to look at my draft list, I need to figure out my fantasy football draft, dear me, I hope I do better this year.

Tuesday Randomness

Rack em up please. Tuesday is almost over which means that Friday is even closer. It also means I have one more training session this week and will not be tortured again for four solid days. Little things people.

  • Apparently my trainer is very serious about working on my balance and coordination. . .yesterday was spent trying to balance on one of those half ball half board thingy (why yes, that is it’s technical name).
  • This exercise is to help strengthen your core as well as balance. . .I laughed my ass off most of the time while I was doing this exercise.
  • Because my trainer is really mean, he then had me do squats on it while sticking my butt out. . .the more concepts you add to each exercise, the harder it is for me to complete.
  • He was nice and stretched my legs out for me after what seemed like a two hour workout instead of one. . .now, does anyone know of a machine or a person I can hire to stretch me out on a regular basis?
  • If you were wondering why there was a chill in the air Sunday, blame it on me. I actually cleaned my apartment Saturday.
  • I only did it because I was going out with an old high school friend and I didn’t want him to think I was that big of a slob.
  • I know I am getting older when staying out until the wee hours of the morning means a two day recovery.
  • In honor of some college girls on the prowl Saturday night, I busted out Baby Got Back
  • I may have lost count of the number of drinks I had. . .I have a good excuse though
  • I haven’t laughed that hard or talked that fast in forever
  • Best laugh this week, overhearing the muscle guys last night counting their reps. They sounded like really bad impressions of Marilyn Monroe.
  • Best laugh last week, pretty much anything that was said or done at Hair of the Dog Saturday night
  • I would also like to apologize to the kids that ended up sitting with us, we are really the anomaly of this area
  • Once again I had to admit to someone that although I grew up in Cleveland, I have not rafted down the Ocoee River
  • I know, right?
  • I found someone else that dislikes mayo as much as I do
  • I kicked it old school Friday night and watched the documentary on Def Leppard’s Hysteria album. It took them four years to make that sucker.
  • I am still in LOVE with Phil Collen (the guitar play for them, not the drummer for Genesis)
  • They will be in Nashville and Atlanta in the next couple of months. . .
  • Must go so I can drool over Phil Collen again
  • I spent more time waiting for a table at Carabba’s Sunday than actually ordering and eating at a table. . .next year, reservations
  • Because I have such a knack for falling down, I got to do it Friday night with the help of my neighbors’ St Bernard puppy but no bruise.
  • I prefer to fall all by myself instead of being helped by a dog
  • I am still a firm believer that guys should at least be able to drive a manual transmission, it’s a long story and theory but seriously? If I can do it, you should be able to as well, at least when it comes to cars.
  • I love to make lists, any kind of list will do. While taking a short break from fighting with a spreadsheet, I made a list to keep track of all the nicknames I use on the blog, places I want to visit, concerts I want to see, a few more chapters to add to my hypothetical book and a general list of things I need to do. . .
  • Yes, I think that just proved how dorky I can be. . .

And I can mark off posting to the blog now! Early! Woo hoo! And another episode of America’s Got Talent is on tonight. Why yes, I totally started watching it when they named Howard Stern as a judge. Maybe I can make a list of the lists I need to make. . .maybe I should just start going to the gym every day after work instead.

Tuesday Randomness

Why does it feel like a Thursday evening? I am so confused. . .

  • A quick business trip up to Knoxville led to twitches of seeing too much orange. Of all the SEC teams, I just can’t get behind them.
  • On that note, part of it must be because my dad is a Texas Longhorn fan, I grew up knowing the difference between burnt orange and Vol orange.
  • Strangely, I know my way around Knoxville. I blame my formative years of driving through there and to there for church related meetings. Loved the meetings, the long hours on the road? Not so much.
  • I hoofed it to Pei Wei last night for dinner. Oh my! How I have missed you!
  • I stepped into my first Super Target and called my mom to let her know if she didn’t hear from me in two hours to send out a search team. Way too much Target, sensory overload.
  •  Since I had to head up early yesterday to setup for the meeting I moved my training session up a few hours. Never workout a couple hours after eating. . .
  • While I asked my trainer to go easy on me since I was driving and all, he worked my arms out so much that I now have muscles (defined and all!) in my forearms. Watchout Michelle Obama! I am going to have killer arms just like you!
  • I just hope they don’t turn out to be like Madonna’s, those are scary.
  • I talked to Hooch last night, way overdue chat! I miss her!
  • Oh, Hooch is my twin, three years separated. And since I am way of age now, I can now disclose she is the one that gave me the guidelines to drinking. Always eat first!
  • Umm, sorry mom.
  • I got a thorough balling out by Wook when I arrived back at the apartment this afternoon.
  • And small confession, on my way out of Knoxville I stopped at Pei Wei to have a late lunch. . .
  • To be fair to myself, I didn’t get to have breakfast this morning since I got a biometric screening and they cleared up the buffet before I got a chance to grab anything.
  • I know that my training sessions have been working, I can tell in my stamina, my clothes and my self esteem but. . .
  • My numbers for cholesterol, triglycerides and the like are all DOWN!!!!!
  • Let me say that again, THOSE NUMBERS ARE DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • My weight is still hanging at the same spot but muscle weighs more than fat and quite frankly I think the scale will start dropping again soon. No magic beans needed! Just sweat, hard work, self control and that stupid liquid called H2O.
  • And drum roll please. . . I am not 5’1″ thank you very much! I am 5′ 1 1/2″ WOOT!
  • I am tall baby!

So I will leave you with I am tall, my numbers are going down, my cat is disgruntled and I need to convince myself that it is indeed only Tuesday evening. Darn it!

Tuesday Randomness

Oh dear, a weekend running around Nashville with friends equals a tired Amy. I got lots of quality time with The Queen, Stace, Son, Cherry, Shy, Ruby Tuesday, Lady and DebDo. I also got some snuggles, a bite or two and giggles out of the two little Es.

  • In typical fashion, I was under dressed for Highballs and Hydrangeas but I rocked my pink Coach wedge hills. The band was really good, playing all those favorite dance songs from the 60s. It was quite a workout.
  • And I counted it as one of my workouts for the weekend because let’s face it, dancing in three inch wedges and sweating for over an hour and a half is a workout.
  • I believe the sound of the whole evening was laughter. We laughed at old stories, new stories and rehashed some of my um, bad choices. I think it was more about laughing about me and the situations I manage to get myself into.
  • A sad moment, I was in Green Hills, at Crows Nest but never managed to stop over at the mall. It is a sad day when I can’t make it over to the mall. I may need to see a shrink about that.
  • I had a wonderful Sunday with Aulisio, meeting up for brunch. This is something that doesn’t really happen in Chattanooga. I miss it.
  • And then back to the Queen’s to wrap up a couple of projects as well as visit some more.
  • Working out last night was interesting. . . we really stepped it up but wow, my legs are not happy with me right now.
  • Wookie has made it clear that I am on the naughty list. Some can food and snuggles later and he kind of got over my traveling. Kind of, sort of. .  .

I am a bit tired and I have a cute post that I would like to work on but that will have to wait until tomorrow. The sleep is winning out.

Tuesday Randomness

Oh sweet Tuesday, sometimes you take forever to get here. This post is brought to you by novicane, temps and multiple dental visits.

  • I feel like my life revolves around going to the dentist. What was supposed to be my last visit for a nice long time last month ended up being rescheduled. . . then I forgot about that appointment. Life happened and I finally got back there today only to learn that the lab still messed up my crown. Seriously?
  • I have a brand new temp on the tooth and if the stars align, I hop on one leg while curling my tongue, I just might get the permanent one next week.
  • For good measure, the dentist opted to numb me up to deal with this troublesome tooth. .  .back on the soup diet again.
  • Chattanooga is in love with the roundabout even though most people don’t understand them. I had the pleasure of driving through one that is still an all sides stop last night. Apparently dude in Camry didn’t think he should have to stop, neither did the two cars before him. He didn’t like me laying on the horn but I am a bit like a New York taxi driver, you cut me off, almost hit me or anything that might seem unpleasent to me and I will lay on it until you turn red.
  • We may have found the answer to mom’s health issues and it all has to do with how she sleeps. She took her first sleep study last night and they said it was terrible. I think I shall start calling her Darth Vadar. . .
  • It is great to know that it isn’t her heart but it is scary to think that in just a few short months she went from doing most of the yard work to walking across the house or running errands caused her to feel really out of breath and tired. That is not my mother. In fact, had she been feeling better a few weeks ago I could only imagine how clean she would have gotten my place to look.
  • Changing my meds seems to be working in terms of weight. Currently I have dropped 23 lbs only, umm, let’s see, 50 to 60 more to go. Why can’t my Dyson help me out with this issue. I am also going to through some money at the isse and take on a personal trainer at the Y. I need someone pushing me, yelling at me. I want to be in my little clothes this summer. I have some things to prove to myself.
  • I haven’t been eating a ton due to being sick and that horrible dark hole that is trying to get me to crawl into it. I don’t want to go there but I see myself retreating. Friends, don’t worry, I will get out of the funk, you just have to let me feel it, work through it and accept it.
  • I found the cutest Lilly Pullitzer patchwork dress on ebay that I most have. . . This is going to be the year of cute clothes, no back fat, more writing, visiting Sonia in Baltimire as well as a visit to Chicgao to visit Candy, I may not make a ton of money but I want to get out there, walk around, emerse myself and write. Oh and hit a few restaurants that make me giddy.
  • After we get mom’s breathing/sleeping situation handled, we will then be planning our girls trip down to St Pete. This isn’t my kind of trip, but mommy loves it, Robin loves it and somewhere in the mix of things I am allowed to drink at night.
  • Some mornings I wake up thinking it was all a bad dream and then I remember it wasn’t. I have good days and bad days. It is more about understanding that those feelings buried deep last summer never went away. I miss him. I should have done better than I did.
  • Each day will get a bit better and my pain is so silly compared to his mom and sisters as well as the kids. I pray for them daily,.
  • I talked to Bubba tonight, what a mess he is. Love him but we both joke how we both dodged that bulliet. He’s happy and doing well. I am so proud of him. Of course he lectured me about choices, I highly believe Bubba and Chandler would have had quite a few laughs at my expense.
  • The crude that I have had for over two weeks now, still here, Maybe it could take me to dinner and a movie, send me tullips at work. A girl can dream.

And now I am off to slumber land. Wook deserves and early bedtime and that means Snuggles!