Tuesday Randomness

Umm, a day late?

It’s been one of those weeks where you seem to have a ton going on but never accomplish much. And then there’s the whole unrest within our country. Sigh So let’s just bullet point this randomness and buckle up because I am all over the map.

  • I have been steadily losing weight over the past few months, which is much needed, trust. I know I have spent a lot of time talking about my weight, my hangups about it and just the general blah feeling but. .. it took looking like a ridiculous overinflated person in pictures for me to say no more. Oh and my doctor explaining that just because I was getting great blood work back didn’t mean that would hold true forever. . .
  • I am down 20 pounds and while I am proud of my accomplishment, I still have so far to go. Ideally, I would like to lose an additional 40-60 pounds. I know I will never be an Olsen twin again and that is alright by me! I just want to be healthy. I was finally able to put my Tiffany ring back on, which hasn’t been on since last summer.
  • I kicked the diet soda habit last year (still not sure how, just did) and might have a real soda once a week. I guess my weaknesses drink wise is sweet tea and coffee. I finally broke down and found a coffee at Starbucks that wasn’t a million calories and drum roll. . . I am finally drinking water on a regular basis. Still not my favorite thing but I guess I will deal with it.
  • Food–look, I love food, I love to cook and have been known to have a horrible habit of binge eating certain foods. So the sweets only come into my home if they are a single serving, I keep myself on a somewhat strict routine of coffee, protein bar (low in sugar that also satisfies my sweet tooth!), light lunch of some form of peanut butter and maybe some fruit, with my main meal whatever I want as long as it is a small portion. If I am working from home, I will normally switch it up because I can heat up a quick meal instead of worrying about packing something.
  • Exercise–that is coming along a lot slower than anticipated but I will get there. A lot of my issues currently is it is too stinking hot to go outside and exercise. But I bought a new kettlebell and am going to work on some exercises with that. Eventually I want to be able to run another 5K. I actually like those (well, kind of sort of, okay, its being able to wear with tutu with no judgement).
  • Ice skating! To my parents horror, I have gone back to trying to ice skate and have been fairly successful (thank you Preds!) and want to buy a pair of discontinued hockey skates so I can skate on decent blades.
  • I went to this past weekend’s Preds skate at Ford Ice, I was doing okay but got a little big headed and landed on my tush. It hurt but not as much as my ego hurt. Chris Mason had to come pick me back up (thank goodness he was one of the former Preds skating with season ticket holders).
  • I’m a bit sore but not as bad as I thought it would be the next day and no bruise!
  • I have a busy fall coming up, kicking it off with Vegas with the girls and Bruno, then football, hockey, concerts and my now annual trip to NYC for Christmas.
  • Now let’s hope I get to see more snow this winter!
  • And then there is this mess. . . I have never denied that I am left of center, depending on the issue I could be conservative or I could be liberal (with a lot of moderate in there). I also studied political science in college and am fascinated with it. Well, up until last year’s Presidential cycle. One of my dream jobs used to be a political spin doctor, a la #jamescarvelle LOVE HIM!


Talking with a coworker today, we started breaking down the issues from over the weekend as well as some of the other more pertinent issues in our country today. And to make this transparent, I am white and my coworker is black. We are the same age, have the same ideals (however she is married with two children) and have similar backgrounds.

Let’s start with the police vs. anyone not white. . . we were both raised to have a natural fear of the police. To this day, if I get stopped, I automatically try to come up with excuses for the body they will find in my car (and there is no body or drugs or a duffel full of money). But it has always been my greatest fear that I am pulled over and then the next thing I know I am taking a detour to the local jail. She feels the same way, well not to that extreme but acknowledges that it is a natural emotion. We discussed what could be done to help relations between the two factions. Part of the problem is the media (and yes, that was part of my major) and the all around sensationalism of the instances where someone takes it too far. Both factions are on the defensive, both weary of what the other will do because OMG! there was a post on social media about a rogue officer attacking for no reason!

My question is simple, if pulled over, why not say yes sir, no sir, okay ma’am here’s my information. . . and if they say get out of the car (even though you were just speeding, not waving a gun in the air or bumping other cars) why not simply just get out of the car? Follow the directions, think of it as your parent telling you to do something. And if the officer is rude, goes above and beyond what is appropriate, get their badge number and calmly report it. Both parties are terrified of leaving their homes and not being able to come back home. And just like that lesson we learned in grade school, it only takes one rotten apple to ruin the bunch. And it is sad that my friends who are not white have to have this discussions with their children and take additional measures to insure their safety but a favorite saying of mine is, “It is what it is”.

And for the record, I have only gotten out of one ticket, it seems most of the cops who pull me over are ready to nail my speeding tush to the wall. I’ll take my lumps (and the driver’s course so my insurance won’t go up) and whine about it but it’s their job. Just like mine is to explain insurance policies and give the awful answer of no when a claim is denied or a drug isn’t covered.

But the interesting part of our conversation truly began when we discussed this weekend. First, there are only two sides and while the original intent might have been to have a peaceful protest, what we witnessed was far from peaceful. I know that neither of us are Cold War babies but let’s put it this way, I have a healthy fear and aversion to anything relating to Russia and the Nazis. How can anyone in today’s society look at what happened Saturday and think, oh it’s okay for a little Nazi gathering.

Fear is what is driving the country apart, the fear mongering of the loudest saying everyone is going to lose their rights or everyone wants a safe space to cry. There is no reasoning with those so far off the grid that they have recreated history. I feel like a good portion of the US is well versed in the Holocaust and WWII. We have so few of those wonderful, brave Jews who lived through Auschwitz left living among us. They remember the cleansing Hitler was working on, they remember those beautiful Down syndrome children being wiped from society or even the mentally ill, gypsies, etc having medical testing done on them just because.

Did we not learn anything? For the first time (including 9/11) I am fearful for the future of our country. I am also grateful that I didn’t bring a child into this world. I am also embarrassed at the hate for others because they don’t look like us. Here’s the thing, the only true inhabitant of America are the Native Americans, the rest of our ancestors came over on a boat. Without a doubt, I can guarantee that 95% of our population would be considered mutts. Or as they say in Harry Potter world, a mud blood. I haven’t taken one of those DNA tests but I know I have some Blackfoot Indian, English, German and probably some Irish floating around in my DNA. I am a mutt. I am not a pure blood and most of us fall into that category.

We also have to learn to let go. That one is a hard one for me, well in my personal life. . . slights, real or imagined that happened today or 50 years ago are still slights to that particular person. And sometimes I think we get so eat up with a slight that we focus on only that and forget that there is so much more beauty in the world.

I am not a fan of Kapernick or anyone taking a knee when the anthem is played but that is his choice and his freedom. If that is a gesture that means a lot to him, then I can respect him for it. That doesn’t make me less patriotic nor does that make him into someone who hates America.

I do take issue with the current group of idiots waving the Nazi flags around and talking about a pure race (please see above, boy wouldn’t I love to pay for some DNA testing for them and then read the results). Children do not come out of the womb hating, it is a learned emotion. And for the most part, children are taught to respect each other, even if the kid can’t stand little Johnny. There isn’t a rule that states we all have to like each other but being respectful is key.

All in all, we have a lot of work to do. This isn’t a liberal vs. conservative issue, an us vs. them issue. . . it’s a human issue. And as an aside. . . this week ended up being a little deeper than normal and this is just some of the stuff that is rolling around my head. IF someone feels led to leave a comment, I ask for decorum, as my speech and debate teacher would have asked for. . . if you have to devolve into two dollar words and sending me or someone else to hell, the argument is more of a screaming tirade or you spend most of your time coming up with creative ways to include all the dirty words just save your time. I respond to thoughtful debate. This isn’t me being a snowflake, it is the straight A’s received in those classes that cause me to demand thoughtful debate.

Try a little kindness, I promise, it won’t kill you.

2012: A Year in Review

There were some great things that happened in 2012 and like most people, some shitty things happened as well. I am guilty of diving deep into the crap and allowing it to rule my life. I think that is a natural reaction to life. But I have also been able to step back, acknowledge the bad but still be thankful for what I do have in my life. I haven’t gotten all Pollyanna on you, trust me.

The good? Well, I ended up spending a few days with the Queen in Atlanta leading up to my birthday. Good food, great times with the Queen, IKEA! and a guy even hitting on me in IKEA! I followed that little trip up with a weekend in Nashville. Again, great food, friends and some quality time at Green Hills Mall.

I was a bit delusional when it came to the boy, thinking that our little road trip to DC might put things back on track in February. I also dealt with guilt for not reaching out to Chandler after a conversation with his sister. The shoulda, woulda, couldas have come in waves throughout the year and I have to hope within my heart of hearts that Chandler did know that he was always on my mind. Chandler gave me one final gift when he passed, he opened my eyes to see the boy for who he truly is and that helped me close the door for good on that mistake. Thank you Chandler for pointing out what everyone else could see.

Saying goodbye to Chandler at the end of February was probably the hardest thing I have had to do. For a time I didn’t want to be around happy people, going to the mall pissed me off and the idea of having to even be somewhat social seemed more like torture. I held close the memories we had created together but also knew it was time for me to really focus on getting back home, getting in shape and finding me again.

Apparently in March I tried to find some humor and offered up my embarrassing Spanx story, shared with you my weight (I had already shared my big girl jeans vs. my skinny jeans with you the previous fall) and the time I fell on my tush while working out with my trainer. I also sprinkled in random thoughts throughout the year with Tuesday Randomness. While these may seem a bit boring or um, redundant, it has forced me to write something, anything every week (although I have missed a few. . .).

April reminded me just how great I have it in terms of friends, I spent a weekend at the Queen’s house, met up with a bunch of mother hens for drinks, caught up with an old friend and really thought long and hard about an opportunity in Raleigh. I also got to deal with an allergic reaction to who knows what to my skin. The itching was out of control and the only thing the doctor could come up with was I happened to be allergic to something blowing in the wind. Yes folks, for the price of a copay or two, I learned that my skin was sensitive. Sadly, I have known that since I was a little kid.

I continued to workout with my trainer in May, offered up an explanation as to why I suck at dating and admitted that I was a dork. I also decided after reading an article that I really needed to make a statement and just go ahead and marry myself. If everyone else gets celebrated for every milestone under the sun, why should I let the inability to get a guy to commit to me make me miss out on those milestones? I ended up not going through with it but I will keep it in the back of my head.

June brought hot weather and my impatience at finding anything in Nashville career-wise. I was unhappy with my job, location and lot in life. I did manage to sucker Stace into going to the Def Leppard concert at the beginning of July and lucked into two job interviews while I was in town. I headed to The Trousdale School’s annual musical grinning ear to ear with what was coming up the following week; a concert, two interviews and spending time with friends.

I was a mess after my second interview, kind of feeling like I do most times I go on a date; thinking it went well but never hearing from them ever again. Then I did the phone interview with the recruiter. . .oh July you could have gone either way but on the 13th (my lucky number) I was offered the job and was planning my move back home, to Nashville in under two weeks. I dealt with packing, roped Bird into packing my kitchen, mom helped tons and dad made sure the chair didn’t move while they were there. Wook looked at me like I had lost my mind but agreed to deal with the car ride and chaos a move brings. I started my new job, met my new coworkers and instantly knew I was going to like it here.

I challenged myself to appreciate all the move brought to me, going out with friends, working on myself and doing my very best at my job. A text to Allan one evening led to me meeting John Corbitt and breaking the unspoken rule in Nashville: don’t bother the famous people. Thankfully he was really nice and Allan is probably still shouting he doesn’t know that guy. I also got to warm up in terms of watching football. Oh dear, if the football season could be year round I would be a happy girl.

September came and went in a blur, a lot of football, a lot of time hanging out with the guys and random sightings of the boy as I would head home from work. I was counting down until MTSU’s homecoming, ended up seeing some great guys I hadn’t seen since college and remembering the campus as if I had just left it the day before. Millions of texts to and from Allan seemed to be the norm and I admitted to two friends that I might just have a crush on him. Allan had also voiced his dislike of his first blog name and for the first time in history, I changed someone’s name. That should have been my sign.

I realized I must be bad luck for my beloved Steelers after witnessing first hand the loss to the Titans, one of the worst teams in the league. One of the crudest lines I have ever uttered was finally yelled back at me courtesy of Allan. Text messages flew in after the game and the next day from friends teasing me about the loss. Yeah, I know and we shouldn’t have lost. A fateful weekend spent with Allan caused us to cross the line in our friendship. I was thrilled, very happy and couldn’t believe my luck. I was back home, I had a great job and somehow ended up with a guy whom I considered to be in the best friend circle as something more. All of the sudden, tons of plans were made for parties, trips, football and everything else under the sun.

Then high school drama happened, I saw a side of my friend that I didn’t realize was there and a girl pulled a very childish stunt in order to get her way. I fought for him and then realized that he was in my shoes from years ago with Bubba. I offered him one last piece of advice, do not ever ask me why I stayed with Bubba for so long when everyone knew it was bad. Pot meet kettle. Square peg in round hole still won’t fit. Roller coaster, high school drama still doesn’t make a relationship. And finally, my favorite thought, people change and sometimes it isn’t for the better. Oh and always, always question someone who tries to lay blame on others for their mistakes.

The rest of October was hard, I was in a complete and total funk. I was also very angry at myself for letting someone in when I know how it always ends for me. I refocused on my weight, working out and eating habits. I managed to get into a pair of size ten jeans. I also somehow managed to take the higher road when Allan stated on Facebook he was now in a relationship. I am not a saint, I have said some really not so kind things about the whole situation and I won’t even get into what has gone on in my head. Yes, I was a bit on the bitter side but I still want to know why the one who follows the rules, is nice, responsible and well. . . ends up with the short end of the stick.

November rushed in and I had to get my place in order for my parents’ visit during Thanksgiving. As I have admitted to them, I did prepare myself for a last minute cancellation but that didn’t happen and we had a great time. I ended up with an early Christmas present (a HUGE tv), they got to meet my BFF Stace’s little boy E, Rach’s kids and husband and I think I drug mom around a good portion of Davidson and Williamson counties on Black Friday. It was also the month that dad got an iPhone. I think I have converted him. . . at least I hope so!

I realized in December why I have had such a hard time getting everything Christmas up and out. I haven’t held my dinner party since 2008, which means that I haven’t had a deadline to deal with the tree. I got the tree up this year and some decorations out but waited until the last minute to make the peanut butter chocolate balls for Bird. I watched a ton of Christmas movies, continued my weight loss, watched way too much football, brought bad luck to the Titans when I went to the game at the beginning of the month and watched Mr. E on several occasions.

I also had to say goodbye to my stinky boyfriend, Shadow. I felt horrible for Stace and her husband as well as felt beyond helpless. I have always been proud of the fact that I can handle most anything life hands me (even if I cry or shut down at some point, I have managed to deal with it) but Shadow’s passing shined a light on a weakness about myself.

I headed to my hometown to spend Christmas with the parents and Bird. Her girls still aren’t 100% happy for my move but I am hopeful that when they are older, they will understand. It turned out to be a low key visit, which I enjoyed. I also probably sent mom over the edge introducing beef tenderloin as a great holiday meal since dad is now convinced they should have it monthly. I have also given the gift of Starbucks addiction to dad. At least the barista at his local place doesn’t know his name and order. . . I don’t have to utter a word now if I don’t feel like it.

I also got to visit with Chandler’s mom and sisters while I was there. While the tears do not come as often or quickly, as soon as I see them I am a blubbering mess. I would give anything for Chandler to be back with them, even if it meant we were not meant to be. I still think of him often, love him dearly and talk about him with my friends. As I was getting ready to leave, his mom asked Bri to take me to his room to pick out a couple of things. With each step down the stairs, the tears came faster. . .to be able to see things just as they were when I left made me smile but miss him terribly. I will always wear his Notre Dame shirt with pride and love (and cheer for them too!) as well as his Cubbies hat.

I ended the year on my own instead of going out or hanging with friends. Part of it was I just didn’t want to be around others but the other part was, I was tired, overwhelmed with what I have experienced this past year and the biggest part, who doesn’t want to ring in the new year with the most neurotic cat ever? Plus, NYE is amateur night. I would prefer not to share the road with the crazies. Instead I Facetimed with Son, Snug and T, my parents and chatted briefly with Stace, offering up the I am a loser and this headache is driving me insane (which it has been for several weeks now).

Here’s to 2013, may all your wishes come true and if I ever start talking excitedly about a guy, please smack me. And then point me to my blog.

Tuesday Randomness

**Thinking about all my friends up and down the east coast today. I hope you all made it safely through Hurricane Sandy and if you are without power, I hope it comes back quickly. 

The temps have dropped and now I am anxiously awaiting some snow. Yes, I am that person that loves the snow. Once again it is Tuesday (the lemonade moment, at least it isn’t Monday) and here are my random thoughts for the day.

  • I am finally using Twitter now. . .signed up a long time ago, forgot about it, then I would remember it. . .vicious cycle
  • I do love some of the random people I am following, some tweets make me smile and others make me cringe. . . social networking at its best
  • I also finally figured out how to edit via my computer my contacts on the iPhone, during one of the many transfers of phones in the past my contact list duplicated
  • I also ended up downloading two games for my phone, those are nice time sucks
  • One of my coworkers suggested we hand out Mucinex for Halloween to our office, the sniffles are in full force around here
  • I let my apartment get really messy last week and realized Friday night that it annoyed me
  • I never thought that would happen, I must have a fever
  • I got it all put back together Saturday while watching Game Day
  • My car is showing her super power abilities again, heading into the office yesterday morning I almost had the front half ripped off by a driver that didn’t realize there are other cars on the road
  • I channeled my NYC taxi driver in order to be noticed, he still couldn’t understand why I was laying on the horn
  • Seriously?
  • My heart finally went back into my chest by the time I got to work
  • Heart racing out of my chest is not a good thing for someone with anxiety
  • I am once again thankful that I didn’t get the job in NC; I have an aversion to hurricanes
  • It took years for me to adjust but I can handle tornadoes now, so I think I will stay landlocked
  • I have to buy a bed for my guestroom in the next couple of weeks
  • I found one for the rock bottom price of $299, mom’s question–is it comfortable?
  • My response–does it really matter?
  • But before I get the bed I have to deal with the plastic totes of crap in the spare room. . .
  • I guess I know what I am doing this weekend
  • There are times when I would give my eye teeth for a fireplace but then I realize that it would take up a wall that is desperately needed for my furniture
  • A rule that I completely forgot about. . .don’t date a friend. . .bit me in the tush. . .I miss my friend
  • I also hate the what could have been
  • This is why I don’t date and am looking into convents
  • I think I would make a pretty sassy nun
  • But would they let me bring Wook with me?
  • That could be the deal breaker
  • After squeezing myself in my size ten jeans last week, buying a scale and getting serious about getting the weight off, I can proudly say that I have lost a total of 14lbs
  • Of course I wish that could have been on top of what I lost when working with my trainer
  • But I was a bit busy when I first moved back and some of that is poundage is redundant
  • The skinny jeans are back on the door, staring at me anytime I go to my bedroom

And that my friends is all my poor, little brain can handle right now. I think I will continue playing Three Blind Mice and DK Quiz instead of reading tonight. My focus is kind of shot when it comes to reading at the moment. It happens but I hope it doesn’t last long because there are a few books on my list to read.