I Have to Do What?


TMI for my dear reader(s):

I have been psyching myself up for this surgery since, well since I got word that I would be having it. I know that once I have recovered I will feel better and the painful periods will hopefully be behind me. BUT prepping for this surgery is, how can I say it? Oh yeah, I think I could best describe it as mortifying! As in, did I really agree to have Charlie (aka my friendly fibroid) cut out of me????

Yep, I did sign up for it and after talking to the surgery center and getting my instructions I thought, piece of cake! I can do this. . .then I got my final letter from my doctor. . .I cannot eat the whole day before my surgery. I can have clear liquids, jello and popsicles and broth (oh, yummy! I am soooo excited!) but no real food. Then at precisely 3pm I am to drink magnesium citrate.

I had been toying with the idea of going to Def Leppard the evening before my surgery, I mean, it’s just surgery, I don’t have to do anything except show up, allow them to stick needles in me and I get to sleep. So it didn’t sound too crazy to me that I should go see the concert. Then I read the next sentence in my letter: After drinking the mag citrate, DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE, YOU WILL HAVE DIARRHEA. Excuse me? I reread that line again and then yelled :I HAVE TO DO WHAT???????????” NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO! Anything but camp out on the toilet for the evening, anything but that please??????????????

After sobbing, screaming and scaring the cat, I gathered my dignity around me and thought, well dang it, I guess I couldn’t pull off a night with Def Leppard with the trots now can I? After giving up that dream of seeing Phil Collin rocking out on the guitar I sighed thinking that maybe, just maybe they will come back next year.

As for my Monday from hell. . .well, I decided to infuse humor on the situation, sharing with friends, coworkers and well anyone else that would listen that I would be in the toilet from 3pm on the day before surgery but I would have my phone handy and I will be more than happy to chat while taking care of business. .  .

And then my boss came back from a business trip and this is how I decided to share with him that I would have to leave work earlier than anticipated.

me: Ummm, boss, I need to leave by 2:30 due to the requirements of cleansing my bowels out before surgery.

boss: (turning red and trying to stifle a laugh) Oh, okay Amy, no problem. . .

I am all about oversharing and bless that man, because the last three months have had to been rough on him. I have shared with him my female issues and that my love life was in the shitter (exact words) and you know what, that is how we roll. That man doesn’t flinch when I offer up tidbits and thank goodness because I would hate to have HR talk to me about oversharing.

And the one thing that he has said that made me smile on the inside, he said even when I am down I am still pleasant to work with, thanks boss man, because my mood has been all over the map and the last thing I want or need is being told I need an attitude adjustment.

And for those curious reader(s) out there, I could be persuaded to share my experience of cleansing my bowels if need be but first I have to go to Target to stock up on TP, kleenex and reading material.

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Author:

What you see is what you get; I am a Nashville girl who is single, again. I use the blog to get my inner, tortured, wanna be writer angst out. One day I just may write a book. I have been stumbling through life for 43 years now, I love to cook, read and figure out more embarrassing ways I can either harm myself (thank you hula hoop of 2010 and the case of the thrown back) or just prove how inept I am at household chores and dieting. The people you read about on here are real but most have had their names changed to protect the innocent and not so innocent. And I really should make a list of them so I can remember! Enjoy, read, mock, laugh and comment, it really isn't difficult. Plus, I would prefer reading comments from real people as opposed to the weird spam comments I keep getting. Plus, I will always find the hardest path to follow and take that one, why would anyone want to take the easy way?!

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