Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

I am in a quandry about my career at the moment. I love my job, my boss and most of the people I work with but there is a question about upward mobility. I have talked openly with my boss about this (he is that great of a boss!) and we discussed options along with him be fully supportive of any decision I do make.

An opportunity came up in our sister agency back in SE TN. The job sounds interesting, it certainly would be a challenge and would allow me to further my skill set (not to mention be The Queen of Excel). It would entail a move back home, not in the same city but close enough. I know my parents would love it as well as some other friends BUT. . . do I want to do this? When push comes to shove, do I really want to leave Nashville?

I have met with one manager from there this week and am heading there to meet with several people next week. In the meantime, I have a lot to ponder. There is a reason that I wanted to move back here after moving home the first time within, oh less than three months of being there. It is certainly a smaller pond there, the shopping is nowhere near the level it is here and well, Nashville is home to me. As my dad says, I am a city girl.

I have firmly put the boy in the past, something that should have been done months ago. He was a disappointment and the lack of “fight” for wanting to stay with me was nonexsistent. Of course, with my luck and history, he is probably planning a wedding by now. My exes tend to be willing and ready after they are gone from my life to settle down. In fact, Mike was saying how he loves this girl he is dating now and wouldn’t mind having a kid with her. See? Good enough to date for a bit but DO NOT EVER suggest settling down with me.

I was talking to coworkers about this, trying to find the humor in it all when I realized that I am exactly like Charlie Brown and that stupid football that Lucy insured he would never kick. I am shown the prospect of a long lasting relationship but WAIT! it is snatched away quicker than I can yell go. Charlie Brown only got to kick that football after his creator, Charles Shultz ended the strip. So kiddos, it doesn’t look good for me. Just saying. And to be completely honest, I have given up. I get it and in that dark, scary place that I don’t like to be in, I can safely say that either I don’t deserve it or I am just not good enough for any guy to actually make that kind of commitment to.

I did try to be brave yesterday, the crush at my building. . . I did a bit of investigating (i.e., talking to the security guard) got his name and email address. I sent him an email. I (GASP!) asked if he wanted to get a drink sometime. His response: “I would take you up on it but I have a girlfriend.” That is always the case. He did mention that he liked my Halloween getup, which is bery charitable of him. But that was the sign I needed to just throw in the towel. Done. I. Am. Done. Stick a fork in me because this little feast is over with now.

So here is to making some decisions. At least I have already made one. Now I just have to get used to it.